Prologue: Merlinus, who seeks a beginning and an end

- O -

The elder bishop leaned back against the wall of the convoy. The wagons rolled along the path at a steady pace. Alone again, Father Renault saw no need for any words. Instead, the bishop pressed his eyes shut and tried to expunge the burdens of his past in one exhalation. The convoy made a nice sound as it rolled along, and the quiet was so appreciated that the bishop did not even mind being stuck in one of the rear wagons of the chain, with the fruit and the bags of rice.

The wagons were arranged in such a way that even while on the move, the passengers could move here and there undeterred. In the wagons ahead, Renault heard the sounds of rustling and bustling and the sound of the old merchant Merlinus humming even as he listened idly his own breath. They would reach their destination soon- soon enough, at least. On Valor, nothing was for sure, nothing was ever certain, nothing was ever guaranteed. Renault groaned a bit and massaged his face beneath callused fingers.

"Ahhh, Father Renault?"

"Hmm?" Renault opened his eyes and looked to the flap at one end of the wagon. Merlinus slipped his way in and briefly begged forgiveness for disturbing the priest's rest. He was forgiven.

"I hate to disturb you, but I think there are some people who want to see you. Well, one, anyway. And, er...she is a bit insistent."

"Yes? Let her come, if she wants to. Who am I to say how to run your operations."

"Hrm! Right, right, of course." Merlinus said, fixing his coat. "Well, I'll just let them come in, yes. So much to do today. Really, Father! So many things to be sorting and organizing- oh, how demanding running a caravan really is! Things going missing without cause, fruit stores trampled upon here and there. I've scrolls a league long not enough to categorize my wares. Hrm…"

The merchant slipped his way back out, grumbling all the while, and Renault passed something resembling both a sigh and a chuckle. His lips were parched and his throat was dry, and the flask of water at his side lasted only so long.

"Quite a talkative man. I wonder who wishes to speak with me?"

- O -

Part I: Vaida, who seeks courage

- O -

The caravan rolled along. The sounds of faint yelling and the rustling of wares clattered in the wagon ahead. Renault continued to wonder just when the people Merlinus mentioned would come to speak.

"Piddling old man! Out of my way, will you?" Clamor from the wagon ahead.

My visitor.

"Nnyah! Y-y-yes, Dame Vaida! But don't crush my wares underfoot!"

"It's necessary just to pass through, old fool! Maybe if you cleaned this damn thing up! Believe me, I don't want my greaves stained with fruit and berries and such any more than you want them trampled on! Pah!"

Renault was about to chuckle when the forward flap of the wagon burst open and a tall woman worked her way in. The bishop opened an eye.

"Ah, and you might be…"

"You," Vaida said, looking around the wagon as though someone might be hiding even in this cramped place. "Bishop man."

Renault held his composure and kept from sighing. I suppose I am called a bishop now. Perhaps I'll never accustom myself to the title… "That's as good a name as any," he answered at last.

"Hark, and listen to me." Vaida sat with her legs crossed in front of the bishop, one hand on her chin and the other bracing the floor. "You are a bishop, aren't you?"

"I…suppose they call me that, yes. I am a member of Elimine's clergy, though I fear I'm not-"

"Good!" Vaida said, missing nary a beat. "You see, I had taken several slabs of meat from the convoy meat wagon the other day to roast over a spit. Pah, it figures I took the very worst pieces. Even Umbriel wouldn't eat some of that! Anyway, I guess I shouldn't have done, so here I am."

"Ah…so you've come to confess."

The woman rolled her eyes. "Smart man. Now do your job. Nextly, I must admit, I stole an extra spear when mine broke, without accounting for it to the doddering old simp that cares for that thing. Hah! What, do they need it rusting away at storage? It should be in the hands of someone who can use it, like me, and I've no place sitting at a desk filling in scrolls whenever I need a fresh spear! How shameful that old fool Merlinus bursts the lines on his forehead every time a single thing goes missing without notice."

"Erm…I'm sorry. I am not in a position to absolve you of-"

"And that time I impaled that soldier when he dropped his lance," Vaida continued, "An 'unarmed foe', hmph. Shameful fool should not have dropped the thing in the first place! I don't show mercy or hesitation to my enemies. Every enemy standing is a threat that could one day end the life of Prince Zephiel. What do I care if he hands me an opening on a silver platter?" She sighed deeply. "Still, I suppose I should still ask for your forgiveness?"

"And a talkative one too, it seems," Renault said wryly, turning away and then turning back. "Forgive me. I could forgive your sins and say a few words of prayer, but what good would it do? I'm not much a better bishop than you are a listener. You seem to be satisfied merely hearing yourself speak, so take that as you will."

"What? All this time spent here and you can't spare even a single kind word? I didn't come here to be patronized." Vaida stood up and leered down at the bishop. "Worthless little man! Why did I even come here?" she spat, turning and storming out of the chamber.

That's a very good question.

What a difficult thing it was. The caravan clomped along and Renault sighed again, this time pinching his forehead. He closed his eyes and tried to see a time where he could tell a proud warrior like that to hold her head high, bite her lip, and spill some more blood to make it better. Try as he might, he was unable, and unable, and…unable. All he could see was the disgraceful darkness when he closed his eyes.

"How can I forgive you of your sins, dame knight, when I have not even forgiven myself for mine?"

- O -

Renault snapped awake. A quick glance outside told him it was dusk. Time had passed, it seemed. The priest shook the sleep out of his eyes before returning to his seat, placing one hand on his stave. The evening air was cautiously optimistic tonight, wafting over mild scents of wildflowers from the mountains afar.

Ah, is it night already? Hmm…what did she call herself? Nothing, I believe…

The flap of the tent swung open and a scar walked in, askin' about a bishop.

Elimine preserve me…

"Your Excellency!"

"Y-Yes?" The sudden show of respect startled Renault.

Vaida walked in and knelt before the bishop, making a great show of the gesture. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry for what I said before. You're a bishop, after all. A man of God, so for as much as I've never seen or felt the blessing of the Saint, it would be ill tidings to be in Her bad graces. Do you think you can absolve me of my sins?"

"May I ask your name first?"

"Hmm…" Vaida said, smiling and chuckling. "Is that some fool way to come onto me?"

What? "No, I just don't know your name."

"Ehh. What is a name but a vulgar simplification of the self? My lance is my name. But, if you must, my name is Vaida of Bern. Formerly Commander Vaida of one of the most decorated wings of Bern's wyvern-riding arm. Now, just Vaida will do."

"Ah, Vaida. Then…what is it you are fearing?" Renault asked. "If it is forgiveness you seek, I can take your sins, but…what good would it do? Would that solve your problems?"

"I don't know, old man! You tell me!"

Renault shook his head. "What is it you wish to achieve? What is it you fight for?"

"I fight for the future king of Bern only! I live to carve a path for Prince Zephiel out of the corpses of my enemies. He has a mind for the kingship, a knowledge of military and a wisdom beyond his years. I would fight to protect that. I know well that I fly headlong into my death, Bishop. Do you think I continue to fight because I have a claim in this stupid battle? One day my liege will be king, and he will return Bern to its former glory. I am no one's errand bitch!"

The caravan rolled along, occasionally hitting a bump that jarred the passengers, but never stopping for a moment.

"You have…already resigned yourself to your fate?"

Vaida nodded and gave her iciest stare. "Fate. You talk as though I plan to meet my death head-on. Hmph. My own death will never see me coming! I court danger. I won't run from it. If that is 'resigning myself to my fate' by your tongue, then you must be a brazen man, bucking your own fate like that. Do you plan to live forever? Or are you craven, Father?"

"Do you make a habit of talking to men of the cloth like this?" Renault asked, his amusement slowly peeling away to reveal irritation. "If I'd known becoming a bishop would be so difficult, I'd've taken up archery."

Vaida laughed, so loud that Renault had to look around to ensure there was no one else there, sharing her boisterous mirth.

"Well, you have a sense of humor, Your Excellency, I'll say that much. Even if you can't unburden me of all my misdeeds, you may yet serve me with a few good laughs."

"Glad to help."

"If you want my assurances that I won't die," Vaida said, "you are hard on your luck. I've decided where my allegiances lie. I'd die anyway eventually, wouldn't I? What does it matter the exact moment? A death in battle, a death in the name of my sworn lord...not a craven's death, no! But even so, I regret. I've done wrong before, and I'm sure I'll do wrong again. Still, I'm seeking forgiveness, aren't I?"

"Yes. Yes, I suppose you are. And, I suppose even the recognition of the fact is…good."

"So…am I forgiven?"

Renault sighed. "If you can look at yourself and say that you are forgiven, then you are forgiven. I cannot do so for you."

"W-what? What is that, old man?" Vaida spat, rising to her feet. "I didn't come here for you to tell me to forgive myself! Gragh! Blathering priestly fool…"

As Vaida strode out the door, Renault vowed that as strongly as the feeling came to him, he would not pity her. The Saint would do that for him.

Forgive her, Elimine mine, for she know not what she do.

- O -

The next morning at dawn, Renault took a piece of fruit (orange-colored, whatever it was) and began to eat. He sat in his usual place and waited. He briefly wondered whether the caravan had lost its way. It would not have been the only one.

The flap of the convoy swung open and the tall woman with the demon scar on her cheek entered. She knelt.

"Holy man."

"…huh. Demoted from "Your Excellency', hm? As much as I dislike titles and ostentation, I-"

Vaida lifted her head and glowered at the bishop. He shut up quick.

"I've got something to tell you. You must not tell anyone this, understand?"

"You have my word."

"If you betray my trust, I'll crush you like a worm under my heel…don't think that because you're a holy man that I'll spare you the brunt of my lance. I'll not let you defame me, old fox!"

"I would not dare," the bishop said quite honestly. "And I do believe that you would strike me down. I'm beyond the age where I could equal you in a fight, Dame Vaida. So speak your peace, if it will ease you."

Vaida paused, as if she was unsure if she even wanted to say it now. She had been met with no opposition, and seemed a bit unnerved. She bit at her lip. As funny as the old man was, he seemed a pretty wise fellow.

Renault sighed. Was it going to be a long day today, too?

"Very well," the wyvern knight said at last. "Truth be told, I am afraid. I have sworn my lance to the rightful king of Bern, Zephiel. I drive on to death. Nothing awaits me but peril. Death...if I'm lucky." She laughed dryly. "Hell welcomes my coming. And still, through all of that…I fear. I fear that an errant arrow or foreign lapdog's knife might take Prince Zephiel's life. I fear that I might die before I might see Bern again rise as a place worthy of my pride. I fear that I might die wondering if I had made the right choice so long ago, to leave my home and join the ranks of the Dragonknights of Bern. As much as I seek it, as much as I deliver it, I fear death. More than anything. To fight, that's the easiest. In times of war, who cares? Live in the moment. But in times of peace, I've time enough to think and wonder and agonize coldly about the death I cannot see, or fight, or reckon with. Hah…so what do you think of that? If you are not completely useless, then give me some courage, old man."

"Ah…"

"Don't know what to say, huh?" Vaida sneered. "Think ill of me, do you?"

Renault shook his head. "On the contrary, Dame Vaida. I understand."

"Huh."

"I cannot tell you how to live your days. I can only offer you my advice: the pain of death and the pain of living are the same. What differs is one's perception of it, you understand? If you find greater value in either, then seek it. There is nothing greater than finding your purpose. Once I lived, delivering death to my enemies, with the best sword money could buy, and a custom suit of armor forged for me alone so that no knife or errant arrow could take me down. I was obsessed with living. That if I died I would lose all the fame, all the money, all the joys of living however I chose, free to plunder and rape and murder, a sellsword truly let loose and free to the wind. I came to the cloth prostrate. The prodigal son, beginning with nothing, and ending with nothing."

Vaida stood up, her eyes turned toward the floor solemnly.

"Do all that you can in the time you can. That's all I can say. For some, there is no purpose except to seek…" Renault's voice trailed off and he looked upwards. Not even the grain of the world could keep him from sighing with his eyes closed. "I've lived between life and death for so long now. There is one last task to accomplish, and then…what will be will be."

After a few moments, Vaida nodded slowly. She murmured something that might have been a word of gratitude, and left the wagon, greaves clanking solid against the floor until finally her footfalls faded away.