A/N: I've been teasing this one for awhile now. It's not 100% complete as I post this, and I'm not sure about some parts, but I've teased long enough.
I'll be tagging at the beginning of chapters for their contents - if I miss something, please let me know in the comments and I will add the tag. (The self-harm tag in the summary is primarily for one chapter and doesn't come up in other chapters, but will be tagged for if it does in the beginning notes, for example.)
And on that note - this chapter contains Dipper's breakdown and the cause of the Singularity. So tag for panic attack, and mental breakdown.
Dipper Pines floated in the mindscape, watching his Flock as they grazed and ambled around the field he'd created for them. The Dreams, as usual, were close to two or three nightmares apiece, cuddled close to their sides and being nudged toward choice bits of energy, which in this part of the mindscape looked like wildflowers, ringed about by the nightmares.
Dipper himself didn't match the rest of the tranquil scene. He was curled into a tiny ball, arms wrapped tightly around legs pulled tight to his chest as he stared sightlessly over his Flock, his wings in constant flutter and ears twitching.
At the back of his mind he could feel his family's faint worry for him, and he couldn't blame them for it. Ever since the incident two months ago – which people were already calling 'The Scouring' for reasons beyond Dipper (a mass migration of that size wasn't something that could be ignored, and though the questioners had been kept away from the Pines family for now, and Gravity Falls in general, word was still leaking out about just what had gone down) – he'd been feeling...off.
It was like he was full of knives, an emptiness and heaviness to his stomach, slicing sensations every time he moved, jittery and unsettled, and he was trying his best to ignore any summons he did get.
He couldn't explain it. The physical wounds he'd gotten from it all had faded before morning (one of the very few benefits to his state) but inside, in his head...it was all shattered hurting tearing wrong wrong wrong .
Dipper knew the rest of the family had noticed, despite trying to keep it hidden. Mabel he'd never been able to hide anything from, even if all he could admit to her was that he felt...wrong, stretched thin, brittle and unsewn and ragged...and...and...violated.
That was probably the best word for it – violated. His powers, his sanctuary, his body...they'd tried to destroy them all. He wasn't sure why this time was so much worse than the other times someone had tried to use him, why he hadn't recovered yet, but he felt like he was teetering on the edge, and all it would take was one little push to make him fall, and he wasn't sure what waited for him below if he did.
Willow had taken to watching him out of the corner of her eye when she thought he didn't notice. He tried not to let her know he'd noticed, but Dipper knew he was worrying her even more than the rest of the family.
Not that that was a surprise – the others knew something was wrong, but they couldn't see how bad it was like she could.
It was bad enough Wendy was sticking around Gravity Falls, despite the fact that she'd been planning another excursion a week before the Alliance hit. She claimed she didn't feel ready to leave her hometown after nearly losing it (said in a careless, offhand fashion) but Dipper had seen her looking at him out of the corner of her eye when she thought he wasn't looking and knew by her colors why she hadn't left.
Even Pacifica had come back, Theo tagging along with his mother. They'd avoided the isolated mansion on the hilltop, staying instead in a little cottage they'd rented just outside of town and spending most of their time checking up on their chosen family and friends.
The kids were coming down every moment they could, and the was house packed full on the weekends, with some of Hank's mafia (that he refused to admit, still, was a mafia) staying throughout the week – some in town, some in the woods, and some in the Shack proper.
Which meant the Shack was currently more full than it had been in years, and they were probably all there waiting for Dipper to stop moping in the Mindscape, but he couldn't seem to make himself move just yet.
Even Stanford had come back to town when they'd managed to get a message through to him. The fact that it had affected the entire magical community of the United States and Canada helped in bringing it to his attention, so he'd already been on his way even before the message had come through.
The relationship between Ford, Stan, and Dipper was...rocky. Ford and Stan had at least had a little time during the lead up and aftermath of the Transcendence that (finally) forced them to actually talk to each other, to start to understand each other in ways they never really had.
Especially when they all thought Dipper had died to save them.
But sometimes, when Ford looked at Dipper, they all knew he saw flashes of the triangle that had tortured him, haunted his nights and tormented his days, nearly taken his family away and had, in irreversible ways, taken his great-nephew from their family. That sometimes, he almost fell back into thinking that Dipper was Bill, playing a long game of some kind.
Ford tried, he really did, he played D,D, & MD with Dipper when he was back from his trips around the world, happily wore the sweaters Mabel knitted, spoke with Stan, tried.
But sometimes he would look at Dipper and they both knew he was afraid of the day Dipper would snap, forget Dipper Pines and be just Alcor and there were days where Dipper couldn't blame him. How many close calls had he already had, where he'd only barely come back to himself? How many times had he lost himself and done damage beyond repairing, no matter how sorry he'd been for it afterward?
But even if he sometimes couldn't be in the same room as Dipper, eyed Dipper with caution and fear when he thought no one could see, he still loved them. And so he came back when he was called, and he was trying to be supportive.
But still, sometimes Dipper wondered if Great-Uncle Ford had come back out of concern for their well-being...or concern that this was what would send Dipper over the edge to full demonic.
Probably a little of both, knowing Great-Uncle Ford.
And the biggest surprise, when they'd woken up two days after the dust had started to settle (and the news reports had begun to sort out just what had happened, why the supernatural of the continent had suddenly turned their attention to Gravity Falls, why all the magic went mad for a few crucial hours), the twins parent's had called, worried and frantic over the health of their children and grandchildren.
Because they may have been uncomfortable as hell with their new demonic son, and barely able to bring themselves to visit and see the evidence of it everywhere, couldn't fully trust him anymore, but they were still their kids, and just because Dipper was a demon now didn't mean they didn't love them, or him, anymore.
Mabel didn't tell them everything – Mabel had stopped telling their parents everything the summer they first went to Gravity Falls. Now...well, she didn't tell them much, just enough so they had a better idea of what had happened than the confused stories the media was reporting without quite letting them know how bad some parts of those forty eight hours had gotten.
And, well, by this point their parents had decided it was better if they didn't know all the details.
It seemed like a bit much, when they were still doing this so long after it all went down, but...
Dipper sighed heavily. Everyone meant well, and they were worried for him and each other after coming so much closer than before to losing everything, closer than they'd come since the Transcendence itself, but it didn't make it easier to bear. He wished he could reassure them, but – what was the point of having all this power if he couldn't fix himself? Couldn't protect himself, his family, let them be hurt like that? The one thing he thought might do some good out of the whole mess, and he hurt them again with it.
What good was he if he couldn't protect them?
He felt the tug of a summoning, strong enough that he doubted the answering machine (which he'd been sending to all his summonses since...well, since two months ago) was going to be enough to keep him from being pulled to it.
With a groan, he floated to his feet and let himself be pulled away. With any luck he could get this over with quickly, and maybe work out some of this confusion, or work off some frustration.
Why. Why. Why did these summoners have to have religious paraphernalia everywhere?
He'd sensed them, as soon as he'd appeared in the circle, and though he'd tried to ignore the crosses hung around the walls, usually meager protection against him, their presence was a burning reminder of recent events, nagging at the edges of his mind, impossible to ignore.
The summoner in front of him, one of three, was talking, but they were hard to hear over the buzzing in Dipper's ears, and he couldn't focus on them, his eyes sliding back to the crosses over and over again, and he tested the circle's strength cautiously.
It was strong, too strong for comfort, and how where was...was this a church? It was, they were in a church and it was a strong circle and...
There was a sharp crack from one of the summoners, a snap of something Dipper didn't know what didn't care as their voice faded, replaced with
Wood chains a cross a cross it burned and Willow Willow was screaming and
Shall we see how much a demon can take?
Gideon's face gleeful as he rose the whip
taste of metal and leather That's a good look for ya
Pain pain can't get away get away get away get away from me no no NO this wasn't happening couldn't be happening have to save them no please it hurts can't let him win can't get free HenryMabelAcaciaWillowReinaStan he'll hurt them hurting me
Hate hate anger no
no no
can't breathe can't no bill no stop him
tearing ripping it hurt hurt he was being torn apart soul torn in two he couldn't no no no he had to get out of here get home HOME please please
With a screech Dipper fled, diving through the mindscape back towards Gravity Falls, leaving the circle a bloody, smoking wreck behind him.
Mabel nearly dropped her knitting (Dipper needed a new sweater, she'd decided, something warm and soft and comforting, and she still hadn't found anything softer than Dream wool, and it might not help but it was something she could do while she thought, one thing she actually could do to try and help) when Dipper tore into existence with a tearing noise and a flail as unlike the gentle blip and odd grace that usually accompanied his entrance as possible.
He dove under the covers of the bed Mabel was sitting on, and she could hear him panting in harsh, gasping breaths.
In an instant she had pitched her knitting across the room, rolled off the bed and sought her brother under the covers in all one motion. Dipper didn't need to breathe anymore, so why was he gasping like that?
He'd already gotten himself tangled in the blankets by the time Mabel had gotten up, and she had to tear at them to find her brother.
She started to really worry when she found him, curled into a tiny, tight ball, wings wrapped around himself as he rocked. His eyes were squeezed shut, tears slipping down his cheeks and fingers locked around his arms so tight blood was beginning to well around his claws, soaking into his suit.
He was chanting, whispering something to himself over and over, soft and broken and so distorted Mabel couldn't make it out.
"Dipper?" she whispered, raising a hand before lowering it to the bed again. As much as she loved and trusted her brother, if he was as freaked out as he seemed, he might just strike first and feel guilty later if someone touched him right now.
"Dipper, c'mon bro-bro, can you hear me?" she coaxed. It'd been a long time since Dipper had seen anything to make him freak out, but she couldn't forget what it was like when he did. This seemed...different, worse, and he couldn't seem to hear her, still rocking in place and taking shuddering breaths in between muttered, distorted words.
If anything, he seemed to be getting worse the longer he sat there, not better. Not taking her eyes off her brother, Mabel slipped off the bed and backed to the door, leaning out backwards. "Henry?! Grunkle Stan? Something's wrong with Dipper!"
Her brother curled in tighter on himself when she yelled, and Mabel winced.
Footsteps pounded on the stairs, and Mabel relaxed at the sound of backup, only to stiffen again as Grunkle Ford came around the corner.
Great Uncle Ford and Dipper...well, they respected each other, and Mabel knew they loved each other, but...Ford was paranoid, Dipper was a demon now, and well...they got along, and they could enjoy each other's company for hours on end, but most of the time it was best for both of them to keep some distance.
Yes, Ford loved him, loved him so very much, believed that some part of his great-nephew was still the same giant nerd, but...he was always waiting for the other shoe to fall, for Dipper to lose the fight against the part of him that was demon and lose himself to it...when he wasn't blaming himself for this happening to Dipper.
Great Uncle Ford still had that fear that sooner or later Dipper wasn't going to come back to 'himself', that the Dipper they all knew was a front for what he really was now underneath, no matter how hard he tried to convince himself it was only Dipper.
He was worse than their parents, in a way – they'd tried to hide it at least and hadn't carried around crosses and holy water around with them until Stan found out and read them the riot act (which had been epic and lead to Ford hiding in the basement for a month before apologizing, explaining and talking it out before he left on his boat again, but still. Dipper didn't need that.).
But it was too late, Great Uncle Ford was already there, reaching into one of the many pockets he added to all his clothes, eyes scanning Mabel's face frantically. "What happened?" he demanded. "He finally snapped, didn't he?"
And with that Mabel regretted ever letting Ford hear about Dipper's weaker moments. Yes Dipper had acted demonic before, but he'd always come back to himself sooner or later and tried to fix things.
"No, that's not – Wait! Great Uncle Ford, no!" she cried as her great uncle barreled into her bedroom.
Dipper shot off the bed as their great-uncle stormed the room, back to the wall and hissing, wings arched defensively as he crouched, almost like a cat trying to make himself look bigger.
"Grunkle Ford, stop! You're just making it worse!" Mabel pleaded, grabbing her great-uncle's arm. "He's scared and having some kind of meltdown, you gotta stop!"
Even from where her great-uncle shoved her behind him Mabel could see how her brother still crouched, arms bleeding, face covered in tears, not really seeing either her or Ford as he panted, eyes darting around the room for a way out, as if he was seeing something completely different than the comfortable, colorful bedroom Mabel and Henry shared.
Great Uncle Ford was watching Dipper, too, warily, waiting for the demon his great-nephew had turned into to turn on them. He shoved Mabel a little farther behind him even as she continued to protest and fight to get by him, back to the creature that used to be her brother.
"I was afraid this would happen," Ford muttered, reaching into one of the hidden pockets of his coat. Stan may have taken most of his weapons, but he hadn't survived as long as he had without learning how to hide extras. "I'm sorry, Dipper. This is for your own good."
He brandished the small bottle of holy water, and the creature that used to be his great nephew hissed.
Footsteps pounding on the stairs let Ford know time was running out before the rest of the family got there and tried to stop him, convinced as they were that it was still Dipper and not a demon pretending to be the boy.
He threw the vial of holy water, knowing it was probably hopeless but he'd go down fighting to protect his family – even the parts of it that could no longer control themselves.
If Dipper was still in there, he'd thank him for protecting their family from him.
The bottle shattered as it hit the ground, spraying Dipper with water and glass even as Stan and Henry slammed into Ford from behind, knocking them all to the floor.
Dipper screamed and everyone else froze, heads snapping to look at him. His eyes glowed, and for a second he crouched there, hands halfway to his face, looking at them with fear, incomprehension, and horror.
The next, it felt like everything shifted sharply to the left while somehow still staying still, and everyone lost their balance, tumbling across the floor.
When they recovered and looked up, Dipper was gone.
