It begins one cold night on The Norris's ranch. Brick Tamland and Robert Goulet decide to play a little cowboy themselves. The Golden Goulet decides to hop aboard Brick Tamland and ride him like the Dixie Stampede.

"Yee-Haw" screams Brick.

"Shh Brick, not so loud" whispers Goulet.

The Chuck Norris then walks in on the two friends.

"This is no Brokeback Mountain." Screams Norris.

"The only riding done here will be on horses or the ladies." Winks Norris.

"So Goulet, hows that lung?" questions Norris.

"I stabbed myself again." Moans Goulet.

"Hmm, you might wanna go to see a doctor then." Ponders Norris.

"No" replies Goulet

"Well, an alarm has been set off." Says Norris, "Someone is on the ranch, but we don't know who it is."

"Who is it?" questions The Weatherman aka Brick Tamland.

"Hilary Rodham Clinton." Replies Norris

"Oh, my rival in the next election." Ponders Goulet.

"Let's tie her to a bed and tickle her to death." Grins Brick.

"That can be arranged after we do it to you." Giggles Goulet.

An awkward silence follows . . .

"Let's bring Norris power to her." Says Norris, "Move on out."

The trio put on clothes and head outside.

As the trio walk around the ranch, a stiletto hits Brick in the head.

"Put your hands where I can see them." Says Clinton.

"How about around your waist?" winks Norris.

"No" replies Clinton

"If you hurt anyone one of them, I will kill you." Says a voice.

Monica Lewinksy then steps out the darkness.

"Hey it's a cow." Screams Brick, " I thought we only raised bulls on this farm."

Brick is shot down by a single bullet.

"You stole my man, I'll steal your heart." Says Clinton. " Let's fight."

The two women engage in a mud wrestling fight that lasts until dawn.

"Ladies, ladies, ladies, lets work this out in a more civilized manner." Says a voice as Jerry Springer steps out from the dark. Thunderous applause follows.

"Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry." Screams Goulet and Norris.

"Shut it boys." Says Springer, " You know what? Forget civilized manner, let's bring the pain."

Jerry Spinger whips out a tomahawk and screams some other-worldy yelp. He begins to hack at the women as blood flies everywhere.

"Do you think these stories will ever not involve death?" questions Norris.

"Never." Replies Goulet.

The End

Issue 6 in the near future

Dedicated to all the fat women in the world and also to my cousin Josh. I think he is doing okay, but I haven't talked to him in a while. I bet if he died, I wouldn't get invited to his funeral. So if you are alive Josh, reply to this.

http/chucksternorris.