Title: Intermediate Generational Studies
Author: Goober5000
Spoilers: Not really. There are allusions to 1.14, 2.12, 2.16, 2.18, and 2.20.
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1,558
Disclaimer: I don't own Community; NBC and Dan Harmon do and they're awesome. In fact, I freely allow them to use all my ideas. ;)
Summary: Jeff's estranged father discovers that Jeff goes to Greendale, and decides to pay a visit. Abed tries to find out where the fourth wall is.
Notes: This is just a short scene inspired by speculation that Bill Murray would guest star as Jeff's father. I realized that Abed is such a huge movie buff that it would be impossible for him not to recognize Bill Murray, and that led to the idea of him keeping notes on what the sitcom would be like if it "actually existed" - probably in the same notebook that we saw in 2.08. I picture this taking place a few weeks into Season 3.
More Notes: Coincidentally, the day after I published this, along comes a Dan Harmon interview addressing this very subject, as well as commentary on whether Abed would recognize the actors! Sounds like other people are thinking along the same lines.


"Troy, how can there be any dispute about this?" Annie asked incredulously. "Mary Poppins is about a nanny who brings joy into a dysfunctional household, and who helps a father learn to love his children again. It's probably the best Disney movie ever made."

"I love Mary Poppins, Annie, but we're talking about which was the better movie," said Troy. "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang is all about a car that can float, fly, and drive itself. Mary Poppins can't top that."

"Mary Poppins has people walking on the ceiling and jumping into cartoons," countered Annie. "And it has better songs, too."

"Mmm hmm, I'm going to have to side with Annie," said Shirley. "I sing 'A Spoonful of Sugar' to my boys whenever they have to take their medicine."

"But Dick Van Dyke liberates an entire kingdom in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang," Britta protested. "He overthrows the corrupt Baron and frees the imprisoned children. In Mary Poppins he's just a chimney sweep with a bad accent."

"Plus in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang he has a rocket sled and makes breakfast for his kids using a train," said Troy. "And he calls himself Caractacus."

"Hey, do you want to hear what happens when you translate Dick Van Dyke into Russian and back?" Pierce put in hopefully.

"No," said the other four.

"Abed, you pick one," said Annie. "What's your official movie review opinion?"

Abed put his hands up. "I abstain. I try not to get involved in holy wars."

"Yeah, we kicked your butts in the last one," said Pierce.

"Jeff, what about you?" asked Annie. "We need a tiebreaker."

"I like both," Jeff said absently, busily mashing the buttons on his phone.

"Jeff, would it really kill you to engage with the group once in a while?"

"I'm engaged," Jeff said, not looking up.

"Not when you've got your nose planted in your phone all the time," said Britta. "Who are you texting, Gwynnifer?" She yanked the phone out of his hands.

"Give that back," Jeff said, grabbing for it, but Britta held it out of his reach.

"Hah, he's playing Angry Birds," Britta said. "I made him lose, too."

"Knock it off," Jeff said, lunging for his phone, and knocking his pile of books onto the floor in the process. Papers and a photograph slid out of a folder. Jeff hastily covered them up.

"Holy sh[bleep], is that Bill Murray?" exclaimed Abed.

Everyone looked at Abed with various degrees of puzzlement. "Abed, did you just bleep yourself?" asked Jeff.

"Sure did. Record scratch app, meet censor app. Pew-pew!" Abed spun his phone around, then pocketed it. "Keeps it network-friendly. But we digress. Jeff," he gestured with his index finger, "that was clearly a photo of Bill Murray. When did you meet him? Did you get his autograph?"

Jeff grimaced as he finished collecting his things. "Abed, your dorm is wallpapered with movie posters and you have more DVDs than a Chinese street vendor. You see celebrities everywhere."

"Abed, people sometimes carry pictures around for no reason," Shirley said. "Before my husband came back I used to keep a picture of the Old Spice guy in my purse."

"Ooh, good choice!" Annie gushed. She and Shirley giggled.

"Gay!" Pierce guffawed. "I knew it! Bill Murray is his secret lover!"

Jeff glared across the table. "Pierce, that joke was old two years ago. Or have you somehow failed to notice my chemistry with every woman at this table?"

Shirley glanced at him. "Every woman?"

Britta had been looking vaguely at the ceiling. "That would explain the nipple play..."

"Aughhh!" everyone flinched. "You promised not to remind us of that!" Troy wailed.

"Hey, now that we know, Jeff, it's no big deal," Pierce said matter-of-factly. "Mister Ballet Dancer here outed himself already. He can help you come to terms with it." Troy scowled at him, but couldn't form a response.

Jeff looked distinctly ticked off. "It's not Bill Murray!" he said, biting off each word. "It's..." he fidgeted a little, drawing even more attention to himself. "It's my dad." Jeff let out a ragged breath. "My mom called and told me he heard I was at Greendale."

Annie reached toward him, but caught only table. "Your dad? Aren't you... well... not on good terms with him?"

"Doesn't matter. Don't care. Haven't called him; don't want to see him."

Abed's eyeballs looked like they were going to pop out of his head, though the rest of his face remained typically blank. "Of course! It's sweeps week! Bill Murray plays Papa Winger!"

Jeff stared at him. "Don't ever use the phrase 'Papa Winger' again."

Abed didn't seem to have heard, as he was rifling through his bag. "I've been trying to put together the cast list for our show, as well as candidate celebrities for special guest spots, voice-overs, and cameos." He pulled out a well-worn notebook and started paging through it. "It's a perpetual work in progress, and highly sensitive to a number of variables such as target demographic, time slot, lead-ins, competing shows, and Nielsen ratings." He stopped at one page and flipped the rest of the notebook around the back so that the page was on top. "LeVar Burton was a home run, but Bill Murray knocks it out of the park." He pulled out a pencil.

Jeff grabbed the notebook before Abed could write anything. "Cast: Jeff Winger - Ryan Seacrest." He rolled his eyes. "Britta Perry - Elizabeth Shue. Annie Edison - Alison Brie." He lowered the notebook and peered at Abed. "From Scream 4?"

Annie looked nervous. "Does she play someone that dies?"

"Rebecca Walters," Abed said, not completely answering Annie's question. "And also Trudy Campbell on Mad Men."

Jeff continued reading. "Shirley Bennett." He raised an eyebrow. "Three names are crossed out: Oprah, Tyra Banks, and Amy Adams."

"What?" Shirley briefly seemed to be trying to look confused, annoyed, pleased, and angry all at once, before angry took over. "What?" she said again, an octave lower, glaring at Abed.

"It's a work in progress," Abed said quickly.

"Pierce Hawthorne - Chevy Chase... that's realistic..."

Pierce frowned. "Shevy Chase? Isn't he really old by now?"

"...Troy Barnes - Dulé Hill, Abed Nadir - James Roday."

"Shawn and Gus from Psych!" Troy exclaimed. "I love that show!" He and Abed exchanged palm slaps and chest thumps.

Jeff put the notebook down, where Britta and Annie both grabbed for it; Britta won after a brief scuffle. "Abed, James Roday is white, handsome, and not weird," Jeff said. "He'd be a better choice to play me."

"Dramatic license, Jeff. There aren't many Palestinian-slash-Polish-slash-American actors who could successfully pull off an autistic savant." Shirley, Annie, and Britta looked pained; Abed used the opportunity to take back his notebook, which Britta yielded without resistance.

"Anyway," Abed said, "this is elementary Chekhov's Gun: the fact that we saw the photograph of your dad means that he's going to visit Greendale sometime this week. And the fact that he's being played by Bill Murray means that we're shooting for high ratings. So we need to go all out on this. Annie, wear low-cut shirts and short skirts the rest of this week." Annie looked sideways and tried, somewhat unsuccessfully, to pull her cardigan closer; Britta started to make a retort but Abed cut her off. "Pierce, try to kiss Shirley." Shirley made a shocked face and brandished her handbag at Pierce, who had given her a leer. "Jeff, say something sarcastic. I'm going to go look for the camera." Abed got up and darted over to a corner of the room.

Jeff got out of his chair as well, and was shortly joined by a couple of the others. "Abed, we are not going to go another year with you pulling this routine- Stop trying to take the library apart!"

"Angry works too. Keep going," said Abed, who was trying to open the front of a computer monitor.

"Your life is not a sitcom, Abed. Some people look like other people. I look like Ryan Seacrest. My dad looks like Bill Murray. That does not mean he is played by Bill Murray! This is not The Wizard of Oz; you are not going to find a man behind the curtain holding a video camera!"

"Smile!" came a familiar voice, prompting a shriek from everyone. Jeff and the study group turned around to see Dean Pelton trot through the doorway from the library. He was carrying a clapboard, and a camcorder was dangling from a strap that seemed to be serving as a necklace rather than a shoulder support. "Oh don't mind me, Greendale is updating our student profile multimedia section on the campus website, and my, don't you look candid here today! Mind if I grab a few 'candid camera' shots, hmm?"

Jeff finally lost it. "Get out of here, Moby or Allen Funt or whatever your real name is! I'll feed you that camcorder for lunch!"

"Jeffrey!" Dean Pelton yelped, scampering out of the room, followed by Jeff in hot pursuit. "Have you lost your mind- ooh, this is fun! I wonder how far I can run before you catch meeeeeeeee!"

[Opening credits roll. The cootie-catcher appears as normal, except that all the actors' names are replaced by the ones on Abed's cast list. Chang's actor, not having been mentioned, is blank.]