Hey Guys...
I wrote this story a long time ago, but I am just now posting it on this site.
Its only 6 chapters, so I should get the next chapter posted soon.
Please read it and tell me what you think. Thanks.

Summary: The world is a blur...at least in her eyes. There is no point to her life, not without him. Can she once again find that clarity, or will she forever be stuck in the pointless oblivion?

YOU'LL THINK OF ME
Chapter 1

My life always seems like such a blur, its there, I'm just not sure what for. It's like one of those dreams where this person is there, or you're at a place, but you can't quite tell whom or where it is…well that's my life. I'm here, I'm alive, but so what? I lay awake at night wondering if anyone will really miss me when I'm gone, not like, 'oh that Peyton girl was nice', but really miss me, hard to picture their life without me kind of miss.

That's what I'm thinking about right now. I'm thinking about if anybody would really care if I just left; got away from this town and all of the drama it holds. Lately everybody seems to be living their own lives; falling in love, rebuilding relationships. Like Brooke and Lucas…they are working so hard to rebuild what they once had, something that I helped to destroy. And then there is Nathan and Haley…they are finally getting back on track with their marriage.

See there was this boy; his name was Jake. We had this weird, thing…I don't know how to describe it…amazing, that's how you describe it. When he is here with me, its like that picture that is my life finally becomes clear. The fog and haze is lifted, and all that is left is me and him…and of course Jenny, his daughter; the reason he left me, the reason my life is blurry again. Don't get me wrong with this though, I'm not mad at him; I just miss him. I understand why he had to leave; I just wish things were different.

"Hey Blondie." Brooke says sitting on the edge of my bed and pulling me from my thoughts. "Whatcha doing?"

"Being me." I offer her a small smile. I avoid her eyes so she can't see the pain and misery that I know they hold.

"P. Sawyer." She exclaims jumping to her feet before me. "Enough of this brooding, I see enough of that from Lucas." She grabs my arm and pulls me up beside her. "Today, your going to be me."

"Brooke, I am not going to get drunk at some random party." I say pulling my arm away.

"Ok first, low blow." She frowns, but quickly recovers like she always does. She makes her way to my closet and pulls out some clothes. "We, my friend, are going to have a girls day out. Just me, you and Haley."

"Shopping?" I ask dreadfully as I make my way to the bathroom to brush my teeth.

"No. That's plan B." She says looking through my new drawings. "We are going out on my dad's boat."

"Mows aw Pervomal." I mumble with the toothbrush in my mouth.

"Ok…What?" She asks giving me a weird look.

I spit into the sink and look her way again. "I said, those are personal."

"Sure, whatever." She said closing the cover and tossing it to the other side of the bed. "It's not like I don't already know what its full of."

"And what would that be?" I ask shutting the water off and walking into my room to face her.

She scoffs and rolls her eyes at me. "Don't try that. Everyone knows that a Mr. Jake Jagelski is the subject of your sketches."

"Not all of them." I defend turning away from her to avoid her stares. I grab my leather jacket from the chair and slip it over my shoulders. "Can we just go?"

"Where we going?" She questions looking at me confusedly.

"Brooke!" I say disbelievingly.

"Oh right!" She says smiling. "Girls day!"

"You're unbelievable." I whisper to my self, a small smile creeping to my face, as we make our way to the car. She's doing it again, making me forget my life, at least for a moment.


So here we are, laying on the deck of the boat, me, Brooke, and Haley; just soaking up the sun in our bathing suits. No drama to worry about, just us, the water, the boat, and the sun.

"So what's going on with you and Lucas?" Haley asked leaning up on one arm to face me and Brooke. "Cause he came over earlier, and he was happier than I've seen him in a while, so unless he was high, I figured you had something to do with it." I couldn't help but to laugh at that; Lucas high would be quite a treat to see.

"I'm not one to kiss and tell." Brooke said coolly. "No wait…Yes I am. And yes we did." She said smiling and propping her self up. "It was amazing, better than I remembered."

"So you guys are exclusive now?" Haley asked squinting her eyes from the sun.

"Totally." Brooke smiled. "I'm not going to mess this up."

"Good." Haley smiled. "You both deserve to be happy."

"What about you and Nate?" Brooke questioned her. "What's up with Tree Hill's favorite married high schoolers?"

"I think we are finally getting back on track." Haley smiled lightly.

"I thought this was supposed to be a girls day out." I said not lifting my glasses from my eyes.

"Oh, and your not secretly thinking about Jake?" Brooke questioned me raising her eyebrow to challenge me.

"For once I wasn't." I said removing my glasses. "I was enjoying our girls day, no drama, no boys, just us." I stated.

"What's up with you guys anyway?" Haley asked me a little timidly. "I mean, if you don't wanna tell me…"

"He's gone, I'm here…what else is there to say?" I replied a little bitterly.

"But when he was here…" She prompted. I sighed a little trying to think of the right words to describe our relationship. "Were you dating? Were you serious…or was it just spur of the moment type of things?"

I sat for a few more minutes thinking about my answer. "When he was here…It was great. We were great." I said as if that explained it all.

"They totally did it." Brooke squealed. I saw a look of surprise splash across Haley's face. I just groaned and put my shades back on and faced the blue sky again.

"Wow." Haley laughed lightly. "So who's better? Nathan, Lucas, or Jake?"

Out of the corner of my eye I could see Brooke wince a little at Haley's question. I know it still hurts her to think about that time. "Lucas and I were never together." I stated hoping to ease Brooke's mind as I removed my glasses again and faced the two girls. "And you do realize you just asked about how your husband was in bed with another woman?"

"Ok, right." Haley blushed faintly. "Still…Nathan or Jake?"

I groaned again. "With Nathan and I it was just sex. It had no meaning."

"That didn't answer the question." Brooke said joining in.

"Jake." I stated simply. "It was love, not just sex."

"Was love?" Haley restated, questioning my choice of words.

I just stare at her, not really wanting to finish the conversation, she takes the hint.

"We should get going." Brooke stated. "Its starting to get late."


I walked into me house, closed the door behind me, and dropped my bag onto the floor. Here I am once again, alone; left to brood in my own self-pity. I drop onto my bed and roll over onto my stomach, in the process grabbing my sketchbook. I flip through the pages, and Brooke was right; almost every picture is of Jake or Jenny, a few of Ellie, and a couple random ones. I sigh and walk to my closet to find a song to match my current mood, except I don't know what my current mood is. I grab the new 'Story of the Year' album and place it on the player; I throw myself on the bed again, immersing myself to my thoughts.
I squeeze my eyes tightly together trying to fall back asleep; back to the place where Jake and I are together, back to where I'm happy. I lie there for a few minutes, but finally realize that it's not going to happen. I open my eyes and take in my surroundings; on the wall to my right is a crowd, a number is painted on it, its how many people are in the world. The wall above me is my 'lost' wall. There is a picture of Jake when he left with Jenny; there is also a picture of Ellie, and her newspaper article, and a picture of my mom's tombstone.

I lift my self from my bed, and walk into the bathroom to shower. I step into the warm water and let it run down my body. I hope that it washes away all my troubles, but I know when I shut off the water, they will still be there. I hear my phone ring so I quickly jump out and wrap a towel around me and lunge for the phone on my bed. "Hello." I say breathlessly into it.

"This is a collect call from…Jake…press one to accept." An operator says over the phone.

I quickly press one, "Jake?" I say hopefully into the phone, wanting to see how he is doing, see if he found Jenny yet, just hear his voice; I am met with silence. I call his name a few more times until I hear a dial tone. I throw the phone to the ground, and my body to the bed. I wonder what he is calling for, will he try to call back? I reach down and grab the phone from the floor, just in case. I make my way to my closet and get dressed. 'Story of the Year' is still playing through my speakers, so I decide to change the band; I pick out 'Jimmy Eat World.' I sit down at my computer and turn on my web cam, exposing myself to the world as I start a new sketch.

There's a light knock on the door before I hear his voice. "Hey." He offers a small smile. "How you doing?" He asks walking around to the side of the bed closest to me and sitting on the edge.

"Ok." I offer a small smile back and close my sketchbook. "What brings you by? Shouldn't you be attached to Brooke's lips right about now?"

He laughs a little at my joke, "I came to see how you were doing. But let me guess. Ok, Jimmy Eat World, that means you're not suicidal, but not quite Brooke." He laughs at his own joke, I offer him a smile. "Your drawing, so either your really bored, or something is on your mind." He infers. He quickly snatches the book from the desk and flips it open.

"Hey!" I yell trying to get it back; he jumps up onto the bed so I can't reach. "Those are personal! And that's so not fair!" I say climbing up beside him to try to get them back.

"Let's see." He says flipping through the pages avoiding my hands. "My guess is it's something with Jake…but I could be wrong." I try to snatch it from his hands and we end up falling onto the bed, me on his chest, eye to eye.

"P. Sawyer. Time to get out from under the blankets..." Brooke says walking into my room. "…And my boyfriend." I can see the surprise and hurt appear immediately on her face.

"Brooke." Lucas says as I quickly jump off of him and stand next to the bed. He swiftly stands from the bed as well.

"It's not what it looks like Brooke." I say moving towards her. It was a very compromising looking position, but she has to know that it's not that.

"Oh, ok." Brooke says pretending to be cheery. "I must have saw wrong. You weren't just laying on top of my boyfriend in your bed." With that she turned around a stormed out of my room.

"I'll fix this." I say to a stunned Lucas as I chase Brooke through my house. "Brooke wait!" I say as I grab her arm right before she gets to the front door. "Just give me a second to explain."

"Sure Peyton." Brooke said bitterly. "Explain to me why you had my boyfriend in your bed."

"Brooke it wasn't like that!" I say moving in front of the door so she can't leave. "He came over to see how I was doing. Then he took my sketches, and I was trying to get them back. He jumped on the bed and I was reaching to get them, and we fell on the bed, that's when you walked in." She stared into my eyes trying to find if I was telling her the truth. "I swear that's all it was. I would never do that again."

"That's it?" She asked making sure.

"Yes!" I stated.

"I'm sorry Peyton." She said wrapping her arms around me. I wrap my arms around her body and we stand there for a few minutes.

"Come on." I say looping my arm through hers and walk her back to my bedroom. "Lucas is probably worried sick."

"Brooke…" He says stepping towards us and grabbing her hands in his.

"It's ok Lucas." She smiles up at him. "I overreacted."

"I wouldn't make that mistake again." Lucas stated starring into her eyes. "I'm not going to lose you again."

"I wouldn't do it either." I said sitting back on my bed.

"Ya besides…" Lucas smiled as he grabbed my sketchbook from the floor. "Peyton is too in love with Jake." He said as he flipped open the book to one of my latest sketches.

"Those are private!" I yelled jumping from my bed onto his back to grab the book. Brooke just laughed as he tried to shrug me from his back, and as I tried to get the pictures of Jake from his hands.

"You need a new hobby." He says flipping through the many sketches.

"You need to give me back my sketches." I say finally grabbing the book from his hands and putting it away in my desk drawer. I finally retake my seat against my headboard, and Brooke and Lucas take a seat opposite of me.

"Have you heard from him?" Lucas asked me seriously. I could tell he was really concerned and sincere.

"No." I say looking at my hands. I really miss him; I miss Jenny too. I just want to know how he is doing, I know that he can't just forget about Jenny, but I wish he would keep in touch with me somehow. "I got a collect call from him this morning, right before you came in, but we lost connection or something, he didn't say a word, and then I got the dial tone."

"Maybe he will try to call back." Brooke offered hopefully.

"Maybe." I agree. We sit in silence for a few minutes, just soaking in the environment. Lucas is the one to break the silence.

"What about Ellie?" He asked motioning to her sketch on my wall. "Has she tried to talk to you again?"

"Nope." I reply playing with her bracelet on my wrist. I wear it now; I'm not sure why. "When she said she was leaving, she really meant it."

"Maybe you can try to find her." Brooke suggested. "Use some kind of agency."

"I thought about it." I say. "But what if she doesn't want to see me, what if it was just a one time thing and I blew it?"

"Peyton, she's your biological mother." Lucas said trying to help me rationalize it. "She came to see you, she's not just going to change her mind like that. You should at least try to find her."

"I know." I offer him a weak smile. "Since when did life become so…difficult?"

"We live in Tree Hill." Brooke laughed lightly. "Life has always been difficult." I laugh with her, nodding my head.

"Ok, I better get going." Lucas says standing from my bed.

"I have to go too." Brooke says standing up next to him. "See you tonight?"

"Yep." I smile at her.

"Pick you up?" Lucas offers to me.

"No, its fine." I assure him.

"Ok." He smiles. "Bye." He says as they leave the room, Brooke waves as she exits the door. So here I am again, alone in my room. I grab my sketchbook and continue to work on my drawing; it's of Jake.


The ceiling has 79 tiles; each once a white tile, which has now faded to an off yellow color. I'm laying here on the bed staring at it, trying to keep my thoughts from drifting to things that I don't want to think about right now. Jenny consumes my thoughts throughout the entire day, she is the first thing I think about when I wake up; I want to know if she is ok, or where she is. I hate that Nikki took her from me, that she is the one responsible for my daughter. I've been gone for about two months now, driving around the country trying to find my daughter and bring her back home.

At night though, my thoughts drift to Peyton. I wonder how she is doing, how her life is going. I wonder if she is thinking about me like I'm thinking about her; I can't seem to stop thinking about her. Without her, my life is almost meaningless. Sure I've got Jenny, but she gives my life a different meaning; with Jenny my meaning is to be her father, but with Peyton? I'm so much more than that. I just want to have Jenny back, and to be with Peyton so bad right now. I'm laying here in another cheap motel room somewhere in Arizona thinking about my life; tomorrow I will get on my bike again and continue my search for Jenny. Maybe tomorrow will be the day when I find her, and I can start living my life again; I pray that it is, that I will have my daughter again, and that I will be home with Peyton.

I reach beside me and pick up the phone from the nightstand and dial the operator; she connects me with the number I gave her. It rings a few times before she picks up; it feels so great to finally hear her voice. But then, there is static, I can't hear her anymore, after a few minutes, the line goes dead. I cuss out loud and slam the phone done on the receiver. I close my eyes and slowly drift off to sleep.