Ahhhh my gosh my life is a mess.
First of all, I'm sorry about the fic "Strength of Broken Glass" and not being able to update that yet. Right now I'm battling between studies and the Klance week on Tumblr (You should check it out, there are really good submissions). This is my submission to Klance week, and every chapter is one prompt.
Also, I posted this earlier but it glitched. Thanks to Yemi Hikari and Tratie4thewin for that out.
Please enjoy and leave polite criticism!
"Sorry Lance. Maybe later, okay?"
I'm getting really fucking tired of hearing those words in that order. I thought grumpily, as I was rejected for the third time that day by Hunk, my right hand man (or left foot man, am I right? Hahaha I know you're laughing).
Seriously though, I was already ready to blow when Shiro turned me down for battle planning. Battles? Really? Zarkon's taken over most of the universe, all we gotta do is choose a ship and blow it up. But now Hunk? This was going too far.
'But why man? I trusted youuuu.' I complained, stretching the 'you' just enough for it to be annoying, but not considered a whine (you pick up a lot of stuff when you come from a family of nine). It was usually enough with most people, like older siblings, babysitters, and Pidge.
But Hunk knows me way too well. The guy's like a stone wall, physically and emotionally. For my number one hugger, he really won't budge if he doesn't want to.
"I'm sorry, bud. But ever since that stunt with that Balmera, with the gasoline tank Pidge rigged, this pod's been having problems." He taps the side of the pristine white ship with his gloved knuckle. "Seeing as we don't really have renewable Altean resources, it's up to me to keep it up and running right?"
"Yeah, but you're like, my best friend! Can't Pidge do it?"
"Didn't you already ask Pidge to hang out and they shot you down?"
Wow. Thanks Hunk. I got absolutely roasted by Pidge about ten minutes ago when I tried to get them to chill with me, and I still hadn't recovered. They're small, but damn their roast game is fire.
"How the quiznack do you know that?"
"They told me. I was talking to them five minutes ago when she told me how you were looking for people to relax with. Why don't you just do what you always do, just kick back with a nunvill or whatever?"
"I've been doing that every day since we got here, and it gets dull after a while. Come on, Hunk. For me?" Puppy-dog eyes activated, and I added a pout for good measure. Not even the toughest chicks were able to resist it.
Except; Hunk wasn't a chick, and puppy-dog eyes don't work when you're seventeen, on your best friend since elementary school.
"Not today. What about Keith?"
"What about him?"
"Why don't you hang out with him? He doesn't have anything of major importance on his schedule. I'm sure you guys could find something to do together."
"Hunk. I. Am. Absolutely disgusted that you would even mention that!? That guy's my biggest rival since Garrison!" And it's the truth. Keith is my number one rival, and the thought of me, just casually talking and hanging out with him, made me feel weak. Weak as in sick and revolted, or course.
"Dude, we're gonna be all stuck together on this castle ship fighting aliens for a while. You might as well get to know him better." With that, Hunk snaps on his technician goggles and crouches by an open panel, fiddling with the multicolored wires and switches.
I know Hunk enough to know that he wouldn't give me any more straight answers when he's trying to work. I just walked right out of the bay.
For a giant, magic spaceship palace thingy, this place sure gets dull after a while.
I wandered the halls absentmindedly. Everyone was busy but me, and I'm the kind of guy that has too much energy for my own good. ADHD is not good to me, and unless I'm really committed and calm, most of the time I have to be moving or talking or just have some way to vent my energy.
That's what somehow lead me to the outside of Keith's door.
Truth is, I wasn't even thinking about it. I didn't even know where I was headed, except I suddenly stopped and found myself right next to the room right next to my bathroom, which was Keith's.
Now you may be thinking: What's going on Lance? I thought you hated Keith? Why are you right in front of his room? And let me tell you; I don't hate Keith. I have a very strong dislike of him, but I don't hate him. As annoying as he is, with his stupid mullet and messed up hygiene habits (I'm pretty sure he only took a shower like three times since we found ourselves here) I don't hate him. I guess it's because we're paladins now, or whatever?
As I was thinking about how the hell I got there (which generally starts a train of thought that goes on and on and on and on) I saw a familiar shadow on the wall and an even more familiar voice calling my name.
"Lance? Where are you?"
Oh Jesus Christ, it's Coran.
No don't get me wrong, I love Coran as much as the next Space Defender. But I'm sorry, after the cryo-pod fiasco with the crystal and whatever, I was not ready to relive the experience. The chances that Coran heard about me being bored with nothing to do and was looking for someone to help him clear whatever were high enough to send me headed for the nearest room.
Keith's room.
I shot in and shut the door, just as I heard Coran's footsteps pass by and fade away.
Hell yeah.
As I peeled my ear away from the door, I looked around the room, 'cuz you know, why not? And the first thing I thought was; Damn, this kid is messy.
You see, in the castle we have a cool thing where we just dump our clothes in this little bin and it cleans and dries them for us overnight. But Keith? He still found ways to pile dirty laundry around his room, in the form of bedding and towels. Seriously, just because we have unlimited towels and blankets, does not mean you can just dump it on the ground when you're done.
I got even more pissed off when I noticed that he dumped stuff on his bed too. A crumpled up white towel right next to his pillows, a corner of it sitting on the floor. Being the conditioned freak I was for being clean (thanks mom), I found myself walking towards it.
Ewww…It's not even completely dry yet.
Pinching the edge of the nasty thing, I lifted it up and shook it out a little, and noticed something tumble out of it onto the bed. A small, black, rectangular something.
What- a notebook!
I snatched it up and dropped the towel. Already my mind was racing through possibilities of what this baby might hold, and all of them were good. Diary, journal, memoir, it was ALL things I could use. Hey, even Emo Edgelord had to have an emotional side right? And I had a feeling that this little book was what told me where that was.
I sat myself down onto the bed, pushing aside that gross-ass towel as I did so. It was a leather notebook, rubbed smooth by use. The paper was old and yellowish, and kinda crinkly. I rubbed my sweaty palms off on my jacket; don't want to leave evidence. I turned to the first page.
Nothing but dates, numbers, data, and records. Most of the scribbly black writing just talked about rocks, weird energy sensations, and how much money was left for soup. So far, nothing interesting.
Then I flipped to the middle.
I don't really write about anything personal like this, but today something weird happened…
"Jackpot" I whisper, reading the feathery words. Now we were getting somewhere.
Footsteps thumped by the door.
"He might be hiding in one of the rooms, Coran."
"I've already checked his room, the bathroom, and the training room. He's nowhere to be found, number five."
"Did you check anywhere else? For all we know, he could be chilling in one of our private rooms." Pidge's voice was obviously annoyed, and I had a feeling Coran enlisted them to help him find me.
"Maybe you're right. I'll go check Hunk's room. Why don't you check yours?"
"I just checked mine. I'm going to see Shiro's." They walked off, one set of feet to the right, one set of smaller feet to the left.
I wasn't about to let myself get caught sitting on Keith's bed, in Keith's room, holding Keith's diary with my finger in his personal thoughts. No way I was small enough to fit in the vents, and the only place for me to go was out. And where would I go when I was out?
Blue.
Oh duh. As a Universe Defender, why shouldn't I use my privileges of a giant magic robot lion? I crept out into the hallway and made my way to Blue's hangar.
Once safely inside of the cockpit (with several close calls with Shiro and Pidge) I kicked my feet up and started on the first entry I found that wasn't boring.
Three days after being a Paladin (I think?)
I don't really write about anything personal like this, but today something weird happened…yesterday Pidge sabotaged Sendak's plans and saved the castle, but as big as that is, the more important thing is that I actually had a moment with Lance. We didn't bicker for once, and I think we really bonded. I helped him get to the cryo-pod, carrying him princess style, and even helped him get dressed into those pajama thingies for being worn in the cryopod. My problem today is, he didn't remember. Any of it.
I guess it's only natural. But I feel disappointed that he forgot. I haven't told anyone but Shiro how I felt yet, but…maybe he purposely forgot because I told him I didn't remember him back on earth. But truth is, I did remember. I was afraid if I told him, I would lose sight of what my goal was at the moment.
I noticed him back at Garrison when we were doing training courses. He was the skinny Cuban kid, and I was the skinnier Korean. And we were rivals right off the bat. But I kept seeing him as something more then a rival, as something more then a classmate. Even now I don't know how do describe it, but the closest thing I have is love?
It cheesy. I feel stupid just writing this, but every time I feel him I feel warm, like I just got a hug. I don't know, it's his stupid jokes, his stupid laugh, but…I want to tell him somehow. Shiro told me the best way is to practice writing letters and poems, and then tell him when I'm ready. And as annoying as Shiro is sometimes, I trust him. So, here goes:
Dear Lance,
I know that you consider us rivals, but
I know that you may not like me, but I really
I
You might hate me, but I have to tell you that I really and truly
Forget it. I'm terrible at writing letters. I'll just try the second option of poetry.
That was the end of the first page, and I was in shock.
It's one thing to have a rival and try and find ammo in their personal diary, but it's a totally different thing to find out that he's gay. For you. My chest twinged a little, and I felt guilty about being so mean that day when i got out of the cryopod.
Truth is, I did remember being carried by Keith. I remember my legs giving out, and Keith scooping me up princess style before I passed out in his arms. I hadn't admitted it then, for the exact reason Keith had written the tiny book in my hand. The book that now told me everything I wanted know and more. The crazy thing was? It made me happy.
Years at Garrison wondering what Keith thought about me, hoping he saw me as a suitable rival and equal. Hoping to be more then just an equal. I just didn't expect it like this. My bisexual ass was happy about this, and I'll be damned if I didn't have some vague feeling of admiration for Keith. But love?
I wasn't sure about love. I liked Keith, but after seeing him as an enemy for so long, I couldn't see him as anything else. Maybe I liked. He definitely liked me. But I didn't know if I wanted to really be with him, commit with him. Did I?
I shook it off. I told myself I was just confused, and as pretty as Keith was, I wasn't too attracted to him. He was a friend now, and nothing more. My fingers flipped to the next page as I thought this, but even as my eyes becan on the words, something warm in my chest told me I was lying to myself.
When I first saw you, you became the blue of my day sky
And I wanted to go full circle and become the lilac of the evening
Or the iris of the morning dawn
But I was afraid. I was the shed red blood of open wounds
Too wounded from past experiences too chase you
You were the strong vibrant blue of the ocean and crashing waves
And I wanted to be the bold red of your fire and the sweet shade of cherries
But instead I was the weak red of watered down strawberry lemonade
No strength and no heart to push on
Love was an alien, an unknown to me
I didn't know it in my life at all
I was cast away as an outcast, a lonely red
For my preference of a different shade
A different wavelength of my spectrum world
Then what they told me I should choose
No one to love or be loved by
So I didn't know love, so associated with my hue
When I met you I thought love should have been blue
I don't know what drew me to you
Was it your chiming laugh?
Or your easy smiles?
Or the kindness that was ready to be given away?
My kindness was a hardened shell that no one would want
You happiness was my greed
You joy was my water for my parched throat
And I wanted nothing but to make you happy
I wanted to be strong so I pushed myself harder
I rose to the top for the hopes of being noticed
For the hope of becoming the red of roses
Beautiful and loved and seen
But instead I was noticed as a rival
And I accepted it
Better to be noticed as a rival
Then be forever ignored
I loved blue
It was the color of the sky and of the water
Of healing ice and saving diamonds
But I was red
And red is a painful color of burning
And diseased skin and dying hearts
I wanted to be the good red
But I wasn't good enough for you
I wouldn't be good enough for blue
We could'be made the lilac sky or
Playful violets and sweet lavender
Mulberries and wine and lovely amethyst
Instead my fear was a wall
That a weak shade of red could not climb
So won't you, oh won't you
Be the strong blue, be the useful blue
And pull me out of this pit of dying red
Where I've cast my connection and feelings for dead
All for you, for you,
My one true blue.
