WARNING: This was adapted from WhatCulture WWE. This has NOTHING to do with WhatCulture, and is mealy a fanfiction based on the works they do. I am not Adam Blampied, either.
How WWE Should Book: The Hardcore Revolution
*ding*
We all have a dark side, and today I am exploiting that dark side because you only live once, and in Darth Vader's words, 'Join the dark side'. With that said and done, today I am booking a Hardcore Revolution. In 2009, WWE went PG and gone were the days of blood, boobs and the odd f*** and s*** from TV. When the WWE Network came into play, most of, and if not all of the non-PG content had a warning next to it, and it seems as if WWE would never have blood.
But, hardcore wrestling has done wonders for the buisiness. It might not be smart, but look at Atsushi Onita's FMW. It had blood...somebody nearly died... the original Shiek almost got burnt alive... but it caused a great boom in wrestling for about 10 years. It spawned companies like Big Japan Pro Wrestling, ECW and CZW. It created guys like Mick Foley, New Jack, Terry Funk and Drake Younger (who is now a referee with WWE). So it left a huge hole in WWE, that could be filled.
And I am going to fill it. And WWE, I challenge you to do it better!
The Hardcore Revolution
So, we are going to start present day with Roman Reigns being the AWFUL champion he is cutting an awful promo. 'herme derp, hebbe deep, suffering suckatash'. Luckily, he is cut off by Vince McMahon who says he is sorry for cutting the 'champions' microphone time, but announces a new, after hours WWE Network TV show, that Roman Reigns will star in when it starts next week. Roman demands to know what it is, because he has every right to think the mad man owner of WWE is trying to screw him over.
Vince just replies 'No chance, Roman' followed by his music. Later on that night, Roman is approached by Mick Foley who tells Roman to watch out for Vince, and that 'he knows'. Roman, clearly pissed off tries to attack Mick but is beaten down by a masked man...who could it be? In the main event of the same RAW, Dean Ambrose defeats Big Show in an 'accidental' bloody stoppage. Steph and Trip run down the ramp, furious but are stopped by Vine, who tells them it is OK, and reveals the new after hours show is WWE Hardcore TV, and announces Dean Ambrose will face Roman Reigns in a Table Match.
The following week is RAW, and as Hardcore TV is after hours, Dean, Roman and some of the other guys are not present. The main event is Gallows and Anderson defeating Show and Kane, but all four men are beaten down by four masked men. During the conflict, Gallows and Anderson, whilst still hostile with Kane and Show, rip off one of the men's masks. That man? Well, he is the hardcore legend Jun Kasai. Gallows and Anderson know Kasai from their time in Japan, and leave immediately. The two 'big heels' leave the two other big heels to the four men. Also, a small not. Since Raw is PG, Kasai is wrapped up more then the other men so none of his scars are seen.
And now it is 10PM EST and Hardcore TV starts on the WWE network. It features matches like former ECW alumni Sabu and Sandman defeating The New Day in a chairs match, and other crazy matches. The main event features Ambrose vs Reigns in a Tables match. Ambrose has been in the deathmatch scene before, and so he makes Roman bleed...a lot. Smacking him across the face with a chair (I know that is banned...but this is Hardcore TV), piledriving him into the concrete, before putting Roman through the table.
After Ambrose has won, Kasai and the other three masked men set up another table, placing fluorescent light tubes across it. If you don't know what they are, they are light bulbs shaped like tubes with fumes inside it. They hurt. They are horrible. And possibly more crazy then your nan without medication. Kasai tells Ambrose to throw Reigns through it, but Ambrose shakes his head and kicks Kasai through the table before the other three men attack him. The ref, Drake Weurtz (also known as Drake Younger) helps Ambrose, and removes the mask of somebody else. It's his close friend Danny Havoc. Kasai, Havoc and the others all leave the ring. The commentators, Joey Styles and Paul Heyman - because everything goes better with Heyman - say this is shocking, and a huge thumbs up for hardcore wrestling.
Vince McMahon pops up on RAW the following night, stating Kasai and Havoc, along with their masked friends are not even on contract. He says he chellenges them to do a 'one-night only, non-hardcore, contract match' against Reigns and Ambrose, with Drake Younger as the ref and Mick Foley as the enforcer. Havoc and Kasai come down, and accept before being beaten down by Bullet Club members Anderson and Gallows. A huge upset sees Havoc and Kasai win, getting a contract for all their members. The final two masked men are revealed; Devon Moore and John Wayne Murdoch.
The four call themselves the Hardcore Legends on Hardcore TV the exact same night, but Mick Foley tells them he has been made commissioner for Hardcore TV and tells Murdoch and Moore, which sounds like a detective show, they must fight each other in a Glass match. Murdoch defeats Moore, but are beaten down once again by Gallows, Anderson, Ambrose and the champion Reigns.
The go home RAW and Hardcore TV before Extreme Rules announces that there will be a No Ropes, Barbed Wire Death Match, Tornado Eight-Man Tag between Reigns, Ambrose, Gallows and Anderson vs The Hardcore Legends. But before the segments are over, Drake Wurtz puts himself on Team Reigns for the show, coming out of retirement to show The Hardcore Legends that taking over a PG company is pretty 'pussy'. And on Hardcore TV, the Barbed Wire Match veteran Terry Funk announces he will do one final NOBW match before going back into retirement, putting himself with Team Kasai.
And so, Extreme Rules begins. And for the first time in years, it is Extreme. A scaffold match, burning tables matches. Charlotte vs the debuting Sin Sage Supreme - because women are hardcore too...- in a gusset plate match...and the finale which is the barbed wire match. The match features Kasai doing a stupid bump through the barbed wire, a lot of blood, and the crowd chanting HOLY SHIT! at the top of their lungs. Of course, Superman Reigns wins to a flurry of boos. But after the match, Bullet Club beat down their comadres...and Finn Balor appears...
But that is a story for another day!
I am Adam from WhatCulture dot com, and I will see you soon.
