Fears of What Could Be
Rating: M (originally intended it to be T, but it got more graphic as I wrote)
This is a sequel to an earlier oneshot, "Nightmare of What Never Was", the second of three. This one seems much darker than the other, hence the M. Blood and violence here, so be warned. Basically a mirror image of the earlier one, with Kagura dealing with some horrible nightmares this time. Again, M for violence, so if that's not your thing, stay away. Those of you who are prepared, enjoy.
"Guh…" Gintoki muttered, crimson eyes filled with agony. Focusing on his worn body, he tried desperately to gather the oxygen to breathe, finding his torso constricted rather tightly. After a few ragged, weak breaths, he turned his gaze to the small figure behind him, her slender arms wrapped tightly around him.
"Damn… it…" he mumbled to himself, forcing her arms from their resting place around him. Once he had extricated himself from the vice like grip, he shot straight up on his futon, taking a few precious breaths to normalize his pattern. After the first few, he felt an odd sensation just above his stomach.
Resting a hand on the area in question, he winced as a sharp pain ran to his brain. It was entirely possible that the girl had broken a rib in her sleep, and he would have to be sure to see a doctor in the morning. But his worry over his own personal well being dissipated a bit as he noticed the red head still prone on the sleeping space. Hair loose from their usual configuration, the red strands fanned out along the pillow, caught beneath her sleeping head.
Leaning his exhausted body against a nearby wall, he watched the girl toss in her sleep, face drawn in a tight expression. Brows knit tightly together, her hands gripping at anything they could gather. Gin found his own eyes narrowing in concern, watching the strong young girl thrashing about desperately, occasional gasps and pants escaping her pink lips.
He wondered what could possibly disturb her sleep so greatly. The parts of her body visible beyond the pink pajama set she wore glistened in a cold sweat, her exasperated breathing bouncing off the walls. Harsh tension on her muscles was obvious, and for a minute Gin thought she was having some kind of fight in her dreams.
Watching the telltale marks of a nightmare, Gin slowly made his way towards the girl, careful not to be clutched so tightly again. Since they had taken this new sleeping arrangement a few weeks earlier, he himself had been sleeping more peacefully than he could recall, each dream seemingly more pleasant than the last. He got a similar impression from his young partner, her face always beaming with that bright, infectious smile.
But the last few nights, she had been a great deal more downcast, her sapphire eyes constantly avoiding him. As though he had somehow wronged her, a thought that sent a chill down his spine. He had no recollection of such an event, but Gin was not one to know how to bring such a subject to attention. And he certainly couldn't bring the matter up to any of his close group of acquaintances.
Yet as he watched her in such seeming agony, his heart ached. He always imagined that Kagura dreamed of funny things like sukonbu or large tracts of land bearing candy. Or maybe that was just his own pleasant dream. Crossing his legs Indian style a short distance behind the girl, Gin gathered his breath as he leaned closer to her, his lips stopping just an inch from her right ear.
"Kagura-chan? What's going on?" he didn't want to wake her, but thought that maybe his voice could calm her. Yet, as his voice rang across her ear, she seemed to tense even further, her brows drawing as close as they could without becoming a unibrow. His concern growing, Gin placed his hand on the girl's shoulder, trying to rouse her from her fitful slumber.
"Kagura-chan!" he shouted, time stopping as her eyes shot open, her ragged breathing holding for a second. After a seemingly endless moment, the girl turned her eyes hesitantly towards the man behind her, slowly pulling herself into a sitting position. Gin's right brow raised involuntarily, his crimson eyes shining with his concern.
"Gin… chan?" she asked, almost hesitantly. A weak nod was all he could manage, his eyes focused on the complicated look on her face. A happiness combined with a sadness, surprise and relief, comfort and hopelessness all at once. He could tell that there were a million thoughts running through her mind, her face finally settling on a relieved happiness.
"What's wrong, Kagura?" he asked, his eyes widening as she threw herself at him, tackling him harshly to the ground. The breath escaped his lips as the wind was knocked out of him, his hand resting weakly on her back. Once he had gathered his faculties once more, Gintoki pushed himself back into a sitting position, the red headed girl sitting tensely in his lap.
"Gin-chan…" she whispered, turning her gaze up towards him. His heart nearly stopped at the sight of tears in her clear blue eyes. Wrapping a comforting arm around the girl, he pulled her closer, holding her tightly against his chest.
"What is wrong, Kagura?" he asked once more, listening to the soft sniffles and sobs from the alien girl. He didn't want to push her too hard, but he was very curious about what could scare the seemingly invincible Yato girl. Content to comfort her until she calmed down, he brought his left hand up to her head, stroking her soft red locks in comfort.
Brushing a few strands behind her ears, he watched her face fall into a weak sort of smile, her arms never leaving their place around his stomach. Blowing the last few strands from her sweet face, Gin smiled as she cheered up a bit, her face turning to nuzzle back against his chest.
"I had a nightmare." she spoke so softly he barely heard it, but he nodded in affirmation. That much had been obvious, but he wondered if she would finally tell him about it.
"It was so horrible." As she enjoyed her seat in Gin's lap, his large, warm hands soothing the agony away, Kagura relayed the dream back to her partner.
It was dark all around her, as though the world had ceased to exist. No sounds came to her, aside from a harsh rushing of blood in her temples. A harsh, excited breathing as her chest sunk and rose. The heat in her cheeks was unnatural, a light burning as her lips curled into a wide, sadistic grin.
Blood dripping from her fingers, red hair falling easily around her pale skin. The soft whiteness tainted with blood, the precious life giving fluid sliding down the porcelain of her face. Shooting her tongue from the right side of her mouth, she ran it evilly around her lips, tasting the iron like substance. Everything about the situation screamed that it was wrong, but her body seemed to act on its own.
In the periphery of her vision, she could see recognizable forms, collapsed beneath her feet as she walked. A trio of black uniforms, each more torn than the one before it. Blood pooled from the lifeless bodies, broken swords lying uselessly at their sides. Hair from black to dirty blonde soaked with the blood of their owners, lifeless eyes hanging open.
The faint traces of cigarette smoke filled the room, adding itself to the sickening scent of blood and alcohol. A set of white ninja gear stained a dark red with blood, the thick substance smeared across the room where a right arm holding a pair of glasses tightly. Broken glass dotted the floor with a few strands of the familiar lavender hair, the red head's gaze shifting almost contemptuously to the young woman.
A sadistic grin on her face, the young girl stained with blood stared in wonder at the results of her rampage, a sickening satisfaction apparent on her usually soft features. But the warm, caring, innocent smile had changed, transformed into one of pure malice and evil. Normally soft, lazy blue eyes had widened, mirroring the murderous glee in the smile.
Stopping in the center of the small bar, she let her gaze fall on the next set of victims, the old woman and her assistant. The names didn't seem to come, just as had been the case for the others who had tried to stop her. A faint recognition hazed through her, matching the feeling as she had seen the others.
All the normally dark walls of the small bar were smattered with blood, the smell of death thick in the air. Inhaling deeply of the smell, a part of Kagura delighted in it. Savored it. Thirsted for it. Only a small voice deep in her mind sounded that it was wrong, that the whole situation was wrong. It tried to yell, to get her attention, but to no avail.
Another set of ragged, heavy breaths drew her attention towards the front of the small shop. His glasses having been shattered, one eye forced closed from the intense damage. He sat hunched over, cradling a brunette young woman in his arms, weeping openly over the lifeless form. The pink kimono she always wore was tinted darker shades with her blood, the garment ripped and torn in places before being tossed aside.
The crunch and snapping of bones still resounded in her ears, the sickening sound somehow a thrill to hear. Deep in the pit of her stomach, in the depth of her soul, Kagura wanted to scream out, to break down and weep. But the other voice had taken total control, moving her body however it wished.
"Kagura-chan…why?" the normally bespectacled young teen lashed out, his face a heavy mix of sadness, regret and confusion. He looked at her with a pure contempt, his eyes burning with rage. Without a second's notice, he had carefully left the body of his sister prone on the ground, just inside the sliding door to the bar.
With one heavy lunge, he had attempted to run her through, the grief overtaking his own confliction about the target. But he was no match for her. Reaching up her right hand, she gripped his right forearm tightly, her grin widening as she squeezed. The snap of bone rang through the room as the boy collapsed to his knees, the tears mingling with the blood as they ran down his face.
Licking her lips in satisfaction, the Yato girl pulled her fist back, chuckling in malicious glee as her fist then found its mark. His face seemed to nearly explode as her fist smashed into his mouth, an explosion of teeth and blood as he collapsed at her feet, dead. Just like the others.
Standing stiff in the near center of the room, the girl admired her handy work. Everyone she had ever known lay dead at various corners of the room, save for one. Her evil grin widened to a seemingly impossible degree as she heard those familiar, heavy, lazy footsteps descend down the stairs. The anticipation was almost too much, her body tightening as she waited for him to enter the room.
"Ah, why didn't anyone wake me up." his voice rang across each corner of the room, even from outside. As his hand gripped the edge of the door, he continued to speak, completely unprepared for what he would witness.
"Old hag, do you have any hangover medicine. I think I drank…too much… last night…" his voice trailed off as he got his first look at the carnage inside the small bar. His face drained completely of color, the skin matching the hue of his kimono that hung loosely from his left shoulder.
As his eyes widened in shock, drinking in the scene in front of him, the girl's inner voice screamed even louder, desperately trying to regain control of her own body. For a split second, she got it back, a single desperate tear dripping down her cheek. But it was not enough, as soon enough her darker nature took over, the tear lost in the sea of red that stained her entire being.
"Kagura-chan? What's going on?" the hurt and confusion in his voice only served to make the malicious entity that was Kagura laugh. His hand instinctively fell to his bokuto, whipping it in her direction as he lunged at her. The speed and ferocity of his attack was a surprise, the wooden blade making heavy impact to her stomach. The breath rushed from her body as she flew against the furthest wall, head and back cracking the thick wall with the impact.
'As expected.' she thought to herself, taking a step forward once she recollected her breath. His silver hair flowed in the light breeze, a crowd having gathered outside, gawking at the spectacle inside. But they were only a distraction, barely registering in Kagura's vision.
Her entire vision was focused on the young man, the so-called samurai. The normally calming, bright light was different, more focused. Darker. As he quickly gazed at the forms of his fallen acquaintances, Kagura noticed as his expression darkened with each one. The isolation, the loneliness came to him all at once, and for an instant it looked as though he would simply snap and break down.
But he gathered himself, pointing his sword at the young girl. The hurt in those crimson pools was almost too much, and the weak voice inside of Kagura's consciousness wept, trying desperately to break free. Her cries of agony went unanswered, as her body moved against her will, closing the distance that had been created between her and the man who she idolized.
In a flash of action, he had brought his sword up, bringing it down toward her neck. With a wicked grin, she watched his surprise at her catching his sword with one hand, the other landing a blow squarely against his stomach. The warm fluid seeped from the open wounds, her finger digging harshly into his flesh. His face contorted in pain as he let go of his sword, his right hand gripping tightly onto her soft, warm neck.
"Kagura-chan!" the voice that escaped his lips was not filled with malice, or anger. Only a deep sadness, regret. Gripping the end of his wooden blade, the girl flipped it in the air, catching it by the handle as it came down. A heavy swipe of the blade, and his mouth spewed bile and blood, the blade landing squarely against his side.
His knees shook, yet he did not fall. A mocking sort of grin crossed his face as he gripped the sword, holding as tightly as he could while watching her face. "I guess I'll have to take responsibility. At least you won't have to go alone." With that, he brought his right foot up, pushing off of her stomach, causing the girl to somersault across the room, landing gracefully on he feet.
Her eyes widened in shock as he disappeared from her vision for an instant, reappearing below and in front of her. Seemingly no time for a counter, the girl tried to leap back, away from the strike, but cursed as she came against the wall. A strong upward slash, splitting her red shirt from bottom up to top, the fabric falling loosely to the sides revealing more of her porcelain skin.
A small, barely visible trail of blood dripped down her front, her breathing hard from the anticipation of the strike. But it had not connected. How!? A loud sound rang through the room, his sword falling to the ground. His body soon joined it, knees resting heavily on the hard ground.
"Ah, looks like I can't keep up with you young people after all." he spoke, that usual goofy tone of voice. Her body tensed up involuntarily as his arms circled her waist, blood draining from his mouth, joining the smatterings of fluid already present on her body. Her body weakened as she looked down at her feet, wondering where all the blood had come from.
Blue eyes widened as she noticed the wound on his side. The same one she had inflicted with his own sword had been deepened by a well timed kick. His kimono dyed heavy red with blood, he smiled up at the girl, and just like that the malicious self was gone, leaving Kagura's innocent mind to deal with the consequences.
"Heh, looks like you came back too late, Kagura." he tried to laugh, but only blood would seep through. The girl's body convulsed wildly as she dropped to her own knees, clutching desperately at his body, trying to will him to live.
"Don't leave me, Gin-chan. Don't leave me alone!" she wailed, feeling his hand cup her cheek, trying to rub the blood from her skin.
"Ah, looks like I don't have anywhere else to go either." His eyes fell back on the carnage in the bar, the tears willing their way from his eyes. No matter how hard she hugged him, he only got colder, his body draining of all its color.
"Why? Why did you hold back at the end? Weren't we going to go together!?" she pleaded with him, the tears washing away the blood as the girl cried. He only seemed to smirk at her dilemma, his right hand clutching her hand lightly as he spoke.
"I just couldn't. I wanted there to be someone to remember me, you get it?" At that, his body fell completely still, his arm falling loosely to his side. Time stopped for the young girl and she cried, as loud as she could. But she knew that no matter how hard she cried, all her friends would never wake up again, all because of her own weakness. She simply sat there, holding her dearest friend in her arms, trying in vain to will him back to life.
As she finished relating her dream to her friend, Kagura clutched weakly at his warm body, taking only a small comfort in his closeness. Her arms were nearly sore with the tightness of her grip. But as she sat there in his lap, no sound seemed to escape his lips. She had expected some kind of comforting speech after that, but none came.
In a light panic, the girl looked up at his face, eyes narrowing in annoyance at his seemingly sleeping face. "Damnit, how could you just fall asleep while I spill myself to you, you idiot!" With that, she tried to punch him squarely in the face, her face lighting in surprise as he caught her by the arm, his eyes lazily flipping open.
"Geez, I was worried about you, and that's all it was?" he asked, in his usual lazy tone of voice. With a loud sigh mixed with a yawn, he turned his gaze back to the girl in his lap, smiling at her confused expression.
"What do you mean?" she was mortified by his light hearted approach to this particular matter. She had expected him to take this more seriously.
"Well, you need to have more faith in your friends, Kagura." No reasoning at all. He didn't need it. Gin was one of the people around her who had confidence not only in his own ability, but that of his friends and allies. The supports that held him up each and every day. Her eyes shot open in understanding, smiling as his arms circled her even tighter.
"Unn!" she exclaimed, nuzzling herself against his broad, strong chest once more. It was strange to her, how he could always seem to say something to calm a person, even with his lazy, seemingly anti-social tendencies.
"Besides," he added, drawing her attention back to him, "you don't really think anything could kill me, do you?" His voice went so quickly from comforting to almost mocking that she couldn't help but smile wider, punching him square in the stomach.
"You better be careful, or I think even Shinpachi could handle it." her own voice showed a teasing tone, a smile gracing her lips as he tried to keel over in agony. But she kept him propped up, his head resting ungracefully on her shoulder.
"Ah? You think so?" With that, he reached out, grabbing hold of her sides as he started tickling her. The girl quickly lost her composure as she burst forth with a heavy laugh, feeling his fingers running all across her body. He payed no attention to her clothing, pushing it aside wherever he could in order to get access to her soft, oddly sensitive skin.
He loved knowing that her weak spots were so easy to get, so he could always get her laughing if he needed to. And after that dream, he knew she could use it. As they laughed together for a bit longer, he held thoughts of the girl in his head.
He didn't know what the future held for them and their little group, but if anything like that ever happened, he'd be there for her. It was a promise he made to himself, and he knew she understood as well. Just because something could happen, doesn't mean it will.
After about an hour of laughing, they settled back into the futon, Gin's arm cradling her shoulder as she curled up next to him. They fell asleep in each other's arms, clothing mingled together with entwined bodies. That would be the last night Kagura saw that nightmare, and she always managed to find her smile during her dreams.
She was glad they had taken this new sleeping arrangement.
Whoa, horrible nightare, eh? Good thing Kagura has Gin around to perk her right back up. I know, probably too dark for Gintama, but nightmares don't always make sense. Always reminds me of some pretty screwy nightmares I have about zombies, but I digress. Next update will be the third and final part of this little mini-series. It will be nothing but fluff, to balance out the darkness of this one. Haven't decided if it will be sort of lemon-y fluff, or just marshmallow fluff. Feedback on opinions regarding that is welcome. That said, look forward to the fluff, fellow GinKagu fans.
