So these two are my new obsession. I have played KOTOR I don't even know how many times, and it kills me that fem Revan and Carth don't have an ending! Hope you like it :) Please R&R. Disclaimer: all song lyrics at the bottom of chapters go to their rightful owners. I only own the plot.
Chapter One
Damn that ship. Damn that woman. Damn everything!
It's been four years, four years and she still wasn't back, still hadn't contacted me or anyone else, and I still didn't know if she was dead or alive. All my research to try and find her, all my attempts at finding that stupid ship and finding nothing time after time was beyond frustrating. Then after four years that damn ship lands on my command center, only not with the woman it left with. Four years and I still love her like I did the moment she left me.
"You can't come with me Carth…" She said to me, standing over the bed we kept, the room we had, the place we shared.
"Dammit Revan don't do this! Don't push me away, don't shut me out…" I probably sounded more mad than hurt, but she had to know she was crushing me. I got up from the bed, holding the sheets to my lower body, and walked over to the other side of the room where she stood, ready to leave.
"I don't want to. Please know I don't want to do this but where I'm going, I can't take the people I love with me… Not Bastila, not Mission, not anyone, not even you… I need to do this on my own Carth."
I loved and hated this frustrating woman. She was so strong, but so vulnerable at the same time, even though she didn't think I noticed. I noticed everything about her. And I noticed how she couldn't even look me in the eyes as she told me goodbye, or how her voice didn't sound as strong as she was trying to make it.
"I need you to stay here Carth. I need you to keep the Republic strong while I'm gone. They need you more than ever. Even with the Sith retreating, there are still hardships ahead they will need your guidance on."
Knowing there wouldn't be much more time with her, I didn't waste any time closing the distance between us and pulling her into me as I kissed her with all the passion I had in me. She responded instantly, her body naturally melting into mine. Her lips were always soft but the way she kissed me, with all the passion and forcefulness made me instantly want to possess and take all of her right then and there. Both my hands snaked greedily over her curves and up to her neck, pulling her even more into me. Then, as sudden as the moment began I felt her push me away and walk out the door…
I walked over to my desk in my office and slumped down in the chair, letting my tense body lean back for some minor relief. I looked over all the pictures I had scattered on desk around the screen. Dustil and I together when I found him after the war, Mission and I at her graduation, and the crew of the Ebon Hawk all together after getting our medals for our part in the war. How long could I do this? How long could I go on day by day, going through the motions of my life but never really living it?
Everyone told me a long time ago that I should just assume the worst, assume that she wasn't coming back… But I told her I would never give up on her, and after all the promises I let slip over the years, I was not throwing in the towel on this one. Not with her.
If I let myself ever be completely honest with myself… I let her go. She walked away from me, from everything we had built and were in the process of building together, but I watched her leave. I didn't run after her and make her take me with her, or think of a clever plan to follow her. If I was completely honest, it was partly my fault I was in this position without her.
All I could hold onto now was the hope that The Exile would find her, find her and tell her that I'm waiting, that I'd always be waiting… For her.
"Admiral. Can I confirm take off for the Ebon Hawk from our docking bay?" I heard Dustil say through my com unit. "Take off confirmed Lieutenant." There was a moment of silence before Dustil replied in a hushed tone, "Are you alright Dad?" I couldn't help but smile at the question despite the mood I was in. My son and I had come a long way since finding him at the Sith base on Korriban, thanks to Revan. She gave me a second chance at being a father, and every day I watched my son grow into the man he was today, I was even more grateful.
"Just keep everything running smoothly for me okay Dustil?" I responded back to him. I knew that he knew I was hurting again over her but I was not going to put my issues on him, he had enough going on as it was with being at my side, running the command ship. "Affirmative Sir".
I heard the docking bay doors open a moment later and I walked over to the window in my office to see the tail end of the Ebon Hawk take off into hyperdrive to its next destination. Then I allowed myself to completely break down and drown out the rest of the world.
"Someone help me. Cause' the memory convinced itself to tear me apart. This is endless…"
