DISCLAIMER: Not mine - all of it belongs to Disney.
ooooo
THE REFUTING, DENYING & SNEAKY DISCLAIMING BOOK OF FATHERHOOD
ooooo
AN: Yes, it's a parody – a playful poking at the overdone 'Jack has a kid' fics.
ooooo
Summary: When paternity is at issue, Jack rushes to consult a convenient tome.
ooooo
Jack: Ah, there you are, Mr. Gibbs! Quick, man, where is that book?
Mr. Gibbs: What book be that, captain?
Jack: You know, the one where I… if I should – not sayin' as I did, but possibly there's a little chance that I… maybe, might have…well…
Mr. Gibbs: Oh, that book. Were you not gonna give that to William as a wedding gift?
Jack: Only if there is a wedding, so where is said book now?
Mr. Gibbs: Likely under your bed.
Jack: Ah, so it is, thanks. (hastily retrieves it) Yes! My indispensable 21 Reliable Things To Try When A Woman Claims The Kid Is Yours!
(Opens book)
01) Run like hell the other way – yep, done that one before.
02) Pretend drunken amnesia – can't remember if I've tried that one yet.
03) Quote the 'no woman allowed aboard' rule – no, that's a guideline and didn't work well on AnaMarie.
04) Claim you are a eunuch – that would be William's reason.
05) Check to see if anyone left you an inheritance – uh, check with whom?
06) Check to see if they have an inheritance – oh, good one.
07) Bribe the mother to stay away – with what?
08) Blackmail the mother to stay away – again, with what?
09) Find the real father – oh, that's where the blackmailin' comes in!
10) Hire a man to be the father – Sure, right after I raid the King of England's vault.
11) Hire another woman to be a mother – that's just too much bloody work.
12) Present the child to Calypso as a gift – interesting, but the mother might object.
13) Offer clever nautical names for babies – Well, I do like the sea turtle one.
14) Change your address – what, from upper deck to lower deck?
15) Change your name – hmm, that looks like my handwriting.
16) Lie like your sanity depends on it – oh, that's truly helpful.
17) Pretend hearing loss – and then what, find myself a trained parrot?
18) Claim poor parenting skills – I wonder if me mum is still in Madagascar?
19) Claim no parenting skills – that would require a visit to my father - again.
20) Fake your own death – arggh, who was faking it last time?
21) Arrive extremely late – hours after mother with child went home – Ah, I like it. No mess or bother, thought or unnecessary loss of money!.
Jack: Mr. Gibbs, we have a new heading!
Mr. Gibbs: Aye, captain. So it's to be Number 21 again, then?
ooooo
FIN
