My dearest Frodo,
I can't remember a time when I thought of anything but you. You were my star. You were my love. I'd have given anything just to be near you. I'd have given anything to take the pain you felt away. I have never forgotten you, even though you left so many years ago. Nothing you can do can stop me from loving you. And nothing can make me forget. . . . . . . . .
It is I who followed you deep in the night. It is I who never let you out of my sight. It is I who would have given my life to have just one moment with you. But why would you ever want me? When you could have anyone in the world, why oh why would you want me? Truth is you didn't. . . . I never expected you to, I guess. It's just, I had hoped. . . .
I remember when you first got back. How your eyes were faded, lost of the glint they'd once had. I felt like crying, all the time knowing what you'd been through. I'd followed you, you know. I'd followed you the entire time. . . . Well, that is until you reached the river. I couldn't make it in time. I had to watch out for Merry and Pippin. I knew Sam could take care of you, Tersa too. But I did know what happened. . . . Tersa told me it all.
Your eyes. They were what told me what you had truly been through. They used to sparkle with a light I'd never seen elsewhere. When you returned, your eyes were duller, the love you had for life, gone. How I wish that light would come back. I wish I could have brought back the glow you once had.
I remember when you first saw me after the horror. It took a second for you to recognize me, as though your eyes wouldn't focus. When you did see me, you seemed almost to smile. Your eyes held their light for a brief moment, then resumed their dull blue. You didn't speak to me. You just looked at me, then continued walking. Every hope I'd had for life being like it was before your quest, died when I saw you.
I used to make you laugh. Before you left, I was able to bring a smile to your face so often. When you returned, I didn't have that ability. I knew what you'd been through. I tried to comfort you, but all you did was lock yourself up in Bag End and spoke to no one. I didn't know what to do. I sat outside your house every day, hoping you would come out. Sam would see me and take pity on me. He used to send me in to bring you books or food. Whatever he and Tersa thought you needed. I saw you rarely on those visits. You would hide in the darkness and only speak single sentences. 'Put it on the table.' 'Leave me be.' I didn't want to leave you. I wanted to sit down with you and hold you, tell you that everything would be alright. . . . But I knew that you wouldn't allow me to.
Now, here I sit, years after you are long gone, hoping against all hope, that you even gave me a second glance. I wish I could have healed your cuts and scars. I wish I could have erased your pain. But you are gone. You are far off in a place that I will never reach. I do hope you find peace there. I wish for you to live, love, and dream.
Yours, forever and always,
Cavca Gamgee
