disclaimer: don't own it, don't profit from it, wish i did :P
A/N: well, I'm back again! This one's quite similar to my previous fractured sunshine fic but they're not connected. The reason they're in a similar format (inner monologue) is because both of them came from the same train of thought: what were they thinking after each of these little incidents?
Thanks to chugirl, BeckyRocks-x, spice merchant and swisstony for reviewing fractured sunshine! And, BeckyRocks-x – here's more! :P
Misunderstandings
"…Vince… this is difficult for me but I feel as though I should say this… I love you, Vince."
"…"
"What you doing?"
"Nothin'."
"Are you laughing?"
"No…"
"You'd better not be laughing at me, now… I'm telling you I love you, how dare you laugh at me?"
"You're makin' me laugh—''
"—That is so humiliating."
"You just caught me off guard…"
"Really?"
"Yeah, it was outta the blue…"
"Well I'm telling you I love you and you're laughing at me!"
"I love you!"
"You don't love me."
"I do!"
"You're just saying it cos I said it to you, it doesn't work, it doesn't mean anything."
"No, I love you."
"No you don't."
Howard POV
He laughed at me. How could he, how dare he laugh at me?
We're on the way back from the arctic now and every minute of the journey so far has been spent in silence. I don't think my feelings have ever been hurt as much as today, because I'm Howard moon, and my feelings just don't get hurt, no sir! I just brush it off like an indifferent… insult-brusher.
But today was too much. Vince didn't have to laugh, even if he did find the idea ludicrous. Mind you, subtlety was never his strong point. I mean, look at the way he dresses, all glittered up like a disco turkey!
Even if he did try and take it back, he still did it. Even if he decided to say it back to me, it meant nothing because the laugh cancelled it out.
…I wonder if it was the right time to say it? After all, we were about to face imminent death by freezing. Although, if I'd left it any longer there's a chance it wouldn't have got said at all. I wonder what Vince's reaction would have been if I'd said it under different circumstances? Would I even have said it, or did I just say it cos I was so scared?
I'm not even sure of how I meant it. As a friend, or more? We've been friends for a really long time, and if you've been friends this long, you're supposed to love each other, yeah?
But if I'd meant it as more… there's always been this underlying thing between us, I think, but that's probably just a by-product of our friendship… unless I'm actually in love with him. It'd explain a lot, like why I'm even still friends with him, and it'd explain why I get so jealous when he goes on dates and stuff… it's not jealousy of him, it's jealousy of the girls.
This is stupid. I'm not even gay! I'm in love with Mrs. Gideon! I'm the straightest man you could ever find, sir, straighter than a manly railway line!
I wish I knew how Vince interpreted it. Probably just as a friend – after all, we ARE only meant to be friends, I bet he hasn't even thought about it.
…the very fact that that thought is depressing me must mean that I have feelings for him.
Probably it would be too much to hope that he'd ever feel the same, though.
Vince POV
I wish I hadn't laughed. I've probably ruined everything we had between us now, friendship or otherwise.
Why did I laugh anyway? It was such a stupid thing to do. I think it was a nervous reaction. I was telling the truth when I said he'd caught me off guard. Really, I wasn't listening to the start of the sentence, so I expected some crap about 'Howard Moon, man of action' – but then he comes out with that! Something I never expected to hear from him, not even in a friendship sorta way. He's just so reserved usually…
I know I hurt his feelings. That's why we haven't talked for the last two hours. I don't think we've ever, not in the whole history of our friendship, gone this long without talking – not even the time I told our classmates Howard was the local paedophile. It's not my fault they believed me, alright?
I tried to say sorry, tried to say it back, but he didn't believe me. So I guess I'm gonna have to wait till – or even if – this all clears up and he forgives me.
How did Howard mean it? Just as a friend, probably. I mean, friends do love each other. But what if he'd meant it the other way? In an… in love kinda way? I think I'd like that. I've had feelings for him for a while, which was weird when I realised, cos I always thought I was into girls - and even if I was into guys, Howard would be one of my last choices… obviously I know different now though.
So I know how I wish he'd meant it, but it's dead unlikely. For one, Howard's the straightest guy I've ever met; he's in love with Mrs. Gideon for another – and on top of that I'm so not his type – he's all jazzy and into bookmarks while I'm allergic to jazz and actually have a dress sense.
Anyway. It's useless even thinking about types and stuff cos it's never gonna happen. He meant it as a friend and that's it, I guess.
