A/N: A little bit different this time...
My Troublous Dreams
This Night Doth Make Me Sad
The Moon was shining high in the mysterious night sky that was free of any clouds that warm summer night. The light she reflected from her counterpart illuminated the slumbering Earth below. A few of her rays made it through the open window into the bedroom of Clara Oswald's flat and mirrored in her curious brown eyes that were watching the white pearl on the sky.
It was a hot summer night and Clara found it hard to sleep. Her blanket was under her feet and partly on the floor. She turned her head away from the Moon to look at the Doctor who was sleeping next to her. Sleeping, perhaps dreaming. It was a rare sight for her to witness her love slumbering, resting. So silent and still - only his chest was rising and falling evenly. She concentrated on his face - his beautiful features were even more prominent in the soft Moon light. Her Time Lord. It was surreal. Maybe this was all a dream and one day she would wake up back to her ordinary life that she did love, but sometimes she... drifted off and made things difficult for herself.
No Doctor, no love, nor adventures. Just me and teaching and falling in love with the wrong people who do not really notice me in that way, or do they?
Strange thoughts come at night.
For a while, she was deaf to his silent breathing, blind to the tiny movements. He was dead and her heart cringed, making her a little bit more anxious.
Sleeping for eternity.
Her eyes found the Moon again and she thought about those famous lines.
"To die, to sleep.
To sleep, perchance to dream—ay, there's the rub,
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause. There's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life."
Clara remembered her "dark times" when thoughts of suicide accompanied her every day and there was no one who would throw her a saving rope on which she could climb up and escape the dark pit. No one had done that because she had never asked for help... Clara would always save herself. She had the saving rope in her hand - except, sometimes the was a noose at its end. Everyone has these thoughts and she was not special. Is not special. But Clara would consider it again if she lost her Doctor. And maybe be brave enough to do it... Brave or lost enough? Would she really do it?
My Doctor, but what about you? I'm sorry for all the pain I'll cause when the lights go out... Or is there any other way?
Arms around her waist and a head that placed itself on her shoulder dissolved her thoughts.
"Can't sleep?" the Doctor whispered against her neck, still half sleeping.
"I'm just thinking too much," she replied with a soft smile as his voice brought her back to reality and shooed the anxiety partly away.
"Happens all the time," he smiled against her skin.
…
A/N: Title – Quote by Gloucester (King Lear by William Shakespeare)
"To die to sleep…" – Hamlet (Hamlet by William Shakespeare)
I don't know what this is.
Although short, this document was open for quite a while – I wrote a part when I felt good, another part when anxious, a different part when I started obsessing over Hamlet etc. Take it as an experiment. May be a bit nonsensical. And sort of unfinished.
Hope you liked it anyway.
PS. I hope I will be able to write something "normal" again soon. I just don't have any ideas now… :(
