A/N: Yes, I'm back! I've taken some liberties (obviously) with the details of Matt Smith's and Alex Kingston's lives, but hey, isn't that what we all do? Anyway, in no way am I implying that either Matt or Alex have suffered through this, and I would be absolutely devastated to learn that they had. As a recovering sufferer, this is just my way of channeling my creative thoughts. I hope that you enjoy.


What a day. He loved his job, he really did, but sometimes Matt felt like people never really thought of him as a responsible adult. Like they only saw the excitable hyperactive joker that so often came through in his portrayal of the Doctor. They'd just finished the latest finale, "The Wedding of River Song", and he personally thought it was one of their best episodes. The storyline was great, Karen and Arthur had gotten to play around with machine guns, and Alex had gotten some incredible dialogue that he was, admittedly, a little jealous of.

Speaking of Alex, out of the corner of his eye, he saw making her way past him quite quickly, a look a determination on her face. She didn't seem to notice him, but when he called her name, she stopped rather abruptly.

"Oh, hi, Matt. What can I do for you?"

"I…just wanted to say that you were great today."

She smiled somewhat distractedly, and nodded.

"Thanks. You were, too."

She turned away and began walking again, leaving Matt frowning and wondering what he'd done wrong.

"Kingston!"

She turned again.

"Where are you hurrying off to? We have a wrap party to attend."

"I'll…I'll be right there. I just have something to take care of."

After wrestling with himself for a few moments, Matt decided that he couldn't stand not knowing. Alex wasn't normally one to rush off without explanation, and in his mind, that could only mean that something was bothering her. He reached her trailer a few seconds later, and raised his hand, knocking gently. There was no answer, but he decided that he was going to enter anyway.

"Kingston? Are you in here?"

The only reply he received was a low retching sound. Brow furrowed, Matt made his way slowly toward the sound, worried about what he might find.

"Kingston?"

He had reached the small bathroom that was in the back of her trailer, and when he pushed open the door, his eyes widened in shock.

"What the hell?"


There on the floor, one hand holding her thick curls behind her, one hand with two fingers halfway down her throat, was Alex Kingston. She whipped around at the sound of his voice, eyes wide and frightened, filled with tears.

"Go away."

He shook his head, eyes never leaving her face. She was paler than he'd even seen her before, her entire body was shaking, and her eyes were filled with tears, slowly falling down her cheeks.

"Go away, Matt," her voice was desperate, "Please!"

"Not a chance, Kingston."

Their eyes locked, each one daring the other to back down. When it became evident that neither one was going to give in, Alex sighed heavily.

"Fine. But at least give me a minute to freshen up."

He nodded, backing out of the room slowly, shutting the door behind him. He sat awkwardly on Alex's small bed, running his hands through his hair. He had no idea what he was going to say to her, but he knew that he couldn't just walk away. If he was completely honest with himself, he'd always been attracted to the older woman, but he knew there was no way he could tell her. She was way out of his league. Much too sophisticated, much too beautiful, much too mature for someone like him. He could hear the tap running, and moments later, she emerged, looking tired but somewhat better. She smiled when she saw him sitting on her bed, and sat down gently next to him.

"Okay, Kingston. What's going on?"

"Nothing, I'm fine."

He laughed bitterly.

"Don't give me that, Kingston. You are definitely not fine. Something is seriously wrong. Please, talk to me."

Alex sighed, pushing back a stray curl from her face.

"What do you want me to say?"

What he really wanted was to wrap his arms around her, to bury his face in her untamable curls, to look deep into her brilliant green eyes and kiss her until she forgot her own name. But, there was no way he could tell her that.

"How long?"

"Since I was about your age."

God, she'd been living with this for twenty years? He couldn't even imagine what she must be feeling. Again, he was reminded of their age difference, but he knew that she would never consider him. She had a young daughter to think of. He knew that she didn't get to see Salome much, and he'd never do anything that would jeopardise her relationship with her.

"Why?"

"Matt, when your looks start to go, and you're in the business we are, it makes a difference. I mean, that's not the only reason, but…"

Matt watched her carefully, his own darker green eyes taking in every detail. The way her hands shook, the way she wouldn't meet his gaze, and most of all, the way her voice had changed.

"What's the main reason, Kingston?"

She shook her head.

"It's…" she trailed off, taking a deep breath to steady herself, "I hate myself."

Her voice was a whisper, so quiet that he almost missed it. She was staring at her shaking hands, her fingers clenched so tightly that her knuckles had turned white, and when he moved a bit closer to her, she moved away.

"What?" he said softly.

"I hate myself," she repeated, the pain in her voice undeniable.

"Why?"

She laughed, but there was none of the warmth that her laughter usually held.

"Matt, look at me. I'm old, I've put on at least five stone just in the past month, I couldn't even manage to keep my second marriage from falling apart, and now here I am, crying like a child. I'm pathetic."

Her words hit him like a train, the hatred and self-loathing almost palpable, and he felt his own eyes fill with tears.

"I am looking at you. And I see a beautiful, sexy, intelligent, and strong woman. You're one of the most amazing women I know."

"Yeah, right," she scoffed.

"I'm being absolutely serious. Look at me."

She still wouldn't meet his eyes, and when he didn't receive an answer, he reached out to take her hand in his.

"Alex, please. Look at me."

She looked down at their intertwined hands before raising tear-filled eyes to his.

"I'm being serious. I meant every word."

She was still staring at him, the emotion in her eyes unreadable, and after a few moments, he began to wonder why.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"You…you called me Alex."

He nodded.

"That's your name. Of course I did."

Her head shook, a strand of curls sticking to her damp face and he fought the urge to brush it away.

"Usually, you just call me Kingston. Or Ms. Kingston. The only time you call me Alex is during interviews."

He frowned. He'd never really thought about it, but he supposed she was right.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, Alex."

She smiled as soon as he said her name, but looked down again at their hands. He still hadn't released his hold on hers, but she had chosen not to comment on it.

"You could have come to me."

"No….I couldn't. This is mine to cope with. No one else needs to be troubled by this."

He couldn't help the bit of anger that flared up at her words. He knew that she didn't want to hurt anyone, but it still hurt him to know that she didn't think she could trust him.

"Alex, I wish you had said something. You don't need to go through this alone. Don't you know how dangerous this is? You could die, Alex."

She smiled in spite of the seriousness of their conversation. He had said her name twice. She'd never really thought of her name as anything special, but when Matt said it, he made it sound beautiful and exotic.

"I know, Matt. And yes, it scares me. I don't know how to stop."

Hearing her sound so scared, so vulnerable, so broken….Matt reached out his thin fingers and freed the curl that was still clinging to her cheek. His fingertips lingered on her skin for a moment and he leaned forward, brushing his lips gently against hers.

"I'll help you. Alex, I'll help you if you let me. Please."

A loud knock on the trailer door caused them both to jump, and when Karen's voice followed, Alex jumped up, causing Matt to fall to the floor with a quiet thump.

"Alex! Are you in there?"

Signaling for Matt to stay hidden from view, Alex pulled open the door, smiling at the redhead on the other side.

"Hi, Karen. What's up?"

"We're getting ready to start the wrap party and we didn't want you to miss it. Have you seen Matt?"

Frowning for a moment, Alex pretended to think before answering.

"Not recently. The last time I saw him, he was looking for a hat."

Karen laughed, and still hidden on the floor, Matt couldn't contain a smile of his own. Wow, that woman was good.

"Well, if you see him, tell him to hurry up. He's going to miss the cake."

Alex shut the door, turning back to face her co-star still lying on the floor. She walked over to him, smiling at the way his hair was falling over his eyes, holding out her hand to help him up. She let out a small scream as he pulled her down to the floor with him. She landed on top of him, not unlike their first scene together in "Doctor Who", and he smiled up at her.

"Are you serious?"

"Only sometimes."

"Well, you heard Karen. Come on, sweetie. We're going to miss the cake."


He smiled when Karen hugged him tightly, and when Arthur passed him a particularly delicious-looking piece of cake, but he wasn't really paying attention. His attention was focused on Alex. He'd been watching her carefully the entire time, looking for any obvious signs of distress. It was in her eyes that he found it. She had a carefully placed smile on her face, she laughed in all the right places, but her eyes were so anxious that he couldn't see how no one else noticed.

Alex's half-eaten cake was sitting on the table before her, and it wasn't long before he figured out her pattern. When no one was looking, she would simply hold the fork close to her lips, never actually letting it touch her. It was only when someone was speaking directly to her that she actually took the smallest bite possible. He knew that she needed the control, but he couldn't stand by and let her do this anymore.

"Hey, Matt. Where've you been hiding all day?"

He turned and found himself face to face with Arthur, plastering a smile on his face.

"Oh, you know. Around. Looking for things to break."

Arthur laughed.

"How many screwdrivers does this make?"

Matt frowned, thinking back.

"About twelve, I think."

Arthur laughed, holding out his hand.

"Good job, mate. You've earned it."

He shook the outstretched hand and clapped Arthur on the back. When he turned back to watch Alex, he was surprised to find that she was no longer sitting at the table. Slightly worried now, Matt made his way over to Karen, tapping the Scottish girl on the shoulder.

"Karen, have you seen Alex?"

She shook her head, smiling.

"Not for a few minutes. I guess she went back to her trailer. Is something wrong?"

"No, I just wanted to tell her that she did a good job."

Karen wrapped him in a hug and kissed his cheek.

"You were very good, too."

He smiled.

"Thanks. So were you."

He ended the conversation a bit more abruptly than he would have normally done, but his worry was growing every second that Alex wasn't in his sight. As soon as he was out of sight, he took off at a run, hoping she wasn't in danger.

He skidded to a halt in front of her trailer, knocking frantically.

"Alex!"

When she didn't answer, he opened the door, not bothering to be quiet. As he had feared, Alex was nowhere in sight, and he knew there was only one place she could be. He opened the door to the bathroom, and when he saw Alex kneeling in front of the porcelain bowl, his heart began to race.

"Alex, don't. Please, don't."

There was nothing in the water, so he hoped he had gotten to her in time. There were tears in her eyes again, and he knelt next to her. He placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, and she leaned back against his chest.

"Oh, Matt…I'm so sorry."

He didn't answer her in words, but when he placed his arms around her body and carefully carried her to the bed, he gently kissed her hair. He sat next to her, and pulled her shaking body into his arms. He didn't realise that she was crying until he felt his shirt growing damp.

"Alex….Alex, please….let me help you."

"No…Matt, you don't need this. You have more important things to do than worry about pathetic Alex Kingston who can't even eat properly. I'm not worth that."

Matt placed his hand under her chin and forced her to look at him.

"Alexandra Kingston. Don't ever say that again. You are certainly worth it. Your first two husbands were ridiculously stupid to leave you. Any man would be lucky to be with you."

Alex sniffed, noting but not mentioning, that it was never someone who was interested in you that said those words. Matt's free hand had reached for her own, while the other still rested under her chin. Against her better judgement, she moved closer to him, closing her eyes when their lips met. Once her mind truly caught up to what her body was doing, she pulled away with a gasp. Matt was staring at her with an expression she couldn't name, but he frowned when she mumbled her apologies.

"What?"

"I'm sorry, Matt. I shouldn't have…I mean…"

Her words were swallowed by Matt's lips and she threaded her fingers through his dark hair. He pushed her back slowly until she was lying on the bed, one hand in her hair, the other supporting his weight. When he pulled away to look at her, she fought the urge to look at anything other than his intense eyes.

"Alex…" her name was low moan, and his eyes never left hers, "I've wanted to do that ever since I came here earlier today."

Alex's tired mind struggled to comprehend the words, but she was simply too exhausted.

"Matt, I'm…I'm twenty years older than you."

"And?" he raised a nearly invisible eyebrow at her.

"And?! We can't do this. We can't be together."

"Why not? Do you want to?"

She thought about it, going over every detail of what a relationship with Matt could be, what it could mean. She was silent for so long that Matt began to wonder if he should have just kept his mouth shut, and just when he was about to move, she spoke.

"I would love to try. But, Matt…people would talk. The press would have a field day."

"So what? I don't care about that. I only care about you. About making you happy. All I'm asking for is a chance. Please, Alex."

Alex was silent again, and Matt took the opportunity to place feather light kisses along the base of her throat, smiling when he felt her sharp intake of breath. He continued his ministrations, learning quickly what places she responded to most.

"Alex," he whispered, "Please. Let me show you how much you mean to me."

She nodded, and when he realised that she had agreed, he kissed her properly, running his tongue over her bottom lip lightly. She sighed into his mouth and he ran his fingertips over her face.

"It's not going to be easy," she said quietly, settling into his arms.

"Nothing worth having ever is. I'm going to help you. You're going to get better, you're going to be happy, and you're going to love me."

As Matt wrapped his arms around her, and buried his face in her hair, Alex smiled. She almost dared to believe what he said. Matt had already proven that he cared for her more than anyone had in years. She cared for Matt more than she knew she should, but she couldn't help the already growing feeling of affection she had for the younger man. Maybe, just maybe, she could learn to care for herself as well.


A/N: I haven't decided if I'm going to continue this or not, but I'm seriously leaning towards it. I've had great fun exploring this, and even though I know they're not together, I love Matt and Alex as a couple. I think they're just the sweetest. Review, please? Let me know what you think.