Authors Note:

I'm on a roll! I probably should be thinking of how to start/finish An Awesome new school? but this came to mind. I wrote this after what my brother did. Yes, I have funny family. And I mean no insult to Americans, I am one myself, and PROUD TO BE! Enjoy the story!


'Such a nice day, relaxing in my library, reading Inkheart and drinking tea, it can't get any better than this.'

A loud voice is heard down the hallway. "Yo Artie! Take a look at this!"

'But it can get worse.'

The library door gets thrown open and in comes the owner of that obnoxious voice.

"Haven't you ever heard of knocking Alfred?"

I let the 'Artie' slip go, he wouldn't listen even if I chastised him for it.

"Wah? Yea, but DUDE TAKE A LOOK AT THIS!"

And then some strange fruit is shoved into my face.

"Alfred, is that a kiwi?"

If that fruit could talk, it probably would've been begging to be saved from the "Hero's" tight grip.

"Yea bro, but there's something DIFFERENT ABOUT IT! CAN YA TELL? CAN YA?!"

His blue eyes sparkle with mischief behind his framed glasses and a 1000 watt smile lights up the dim room… not that I would ever admit that.

"Grammar Alfred, please."

"Oh get your knickers out of a twist old man!"

"WHAT did you call ME?"

"Uh… nothing? Now, come on! Guess!"

Queue face palm, normally I probably would've been irate at the fool, but he just seemed so genuinely happy. So instead I'll just close my book and go along with his silly little plan or whatever it is he's doing.

"I have no idea what is different about it, please tell me."

"I SHAVED IT!"

"You what?"

"I shaved the fruit! I wanted to see what would happen!"

"Did you get into an argument with Ivan and get hit in the head with a pipe one time to many?"

"Pfft! No! That commie bastard is no match for me, THE HERO!"

That silly pose he strikes when he gets indignant is adorable. A soft chuckle escapes my lips and small smile places itself upon my lips.

'Gah! Stop it! Bad brain, nothing about an idiot who shaved a kiwi is adorable'

"Right… right… now, why did you shave a kiwi again? And please tell me you used your razor and not mine."

"I was bored bro! What was I supposed to be doing?"

I'm going to have a headache at the end of this conversation, I'm sure of it.

"Alfred, really, out of my library and take your fruit with you."

I really thought that it would just be another stupid rant that he was going to burst in doing, he can be annoying and obnoxious, but I wouldn't have him any other way. Who else is going to make my life interesting? Well, that's Americans for you.