A/N: This fic is a prologue to a xover I'm workin on, but it stands alone as a regular Aladdin fic. I don't even know why I put so much detail into this, but I thought the dynamics of a lamp and having Jafar and Iago argue in the later chapters was good enough for a separate fic.

Oh, and by the way, this could be an AU since The Return of Jafar never happens.

So, in the spirit of the new Starkid musical, which will star Jafar, of course, Aladdin's Broadway musical coming out next year, and the movie's own 20th anniversary (which was last year woopeitty doo): I present...whatever the heck this is.


"Shut up! Just shut up you stupid bird!" Jafar yelled, attempting to block out the parrot's nagging.

"-and you just had to listen to the rat's cute little testimony! Obviously he wanted you to gain more power as a genie," Iago screeched, sarcastic. "It's not like he was against you or anything. What other reason would he have except to trick you!" His tone became icy and accusing. "But it's not like you noticed or anything like you usually do-"

"Alright, fine!" Jafar spat, finally giving in. "I was wrong for getting in over my head, if it makes you so happy!" He pointed upwards to what he thinks is the roof in this darkness, to the only thing that mattered now. "Now get outside and get me out of here!"

"Hmm, I don't know," Iago said. "Do you really want me to be your master?"

Jafar heard a hint of rebellion in his voice, as if he had other plans for the failed sorcerer turned genie. He took in his surroundings and circumstance. Being stuck in a lamp for all eternity, in this roomy darkness where he can't see his hand in front of his face, and having no idea of his location. Or tricking Iago somehow to do his will.

"Anywhere's better than this trench," Jafar replied, looking over the lamp in disgust.

Iago gave a satisfied grunt, and Jafar heard the flapping of his wings as he took off towards the above.

Jafar had to wait a good two minutes until, as he impatiently tapped his foot, he heard a dull 'bonk' above him.

"Hey, Jafar!" Iago echoed.

"What is it now?" he called back, annoyed.

"There's no opening up here!"

"Then try the sides and see if there's something loose, or just try hitting it again!"

Jafar heard a couple of bangs, telling him that the bird took his advice. He gave a sly grin as he thought how easy it would be to manipulate the bird to his whim, especially since he's listening to him again. Although the parrot had a thinking head on his shoulders, he could be easily turned by the right words and guidance, no matter what it was.

Iago called out again, interrupting his thoughts.

"Nope, nothin'!" he said, fed up. "There's nothin' up here, not a bulge and no chimneys! And worst of all, my head is sore! We're stuck in this stupid, dark lamp while those dumb teenagers have a party without us! If I see that boy's dumb face again I'll-"

"Calm down already, Iago!" Jafar shouted over him, not ready to let anger and panic take over him just yet at the situation. "You just haven't looked hard enough. Now, if only we had some sort of light, maybe then-"

"Lights on," a monotone female voice said. Said lights flickered on to illuminate the entire room as Iago squawked in surprise.

"Thank you," Jafar said, gratified and relieved. But the relief left as fast as it came and his eyes grew huge. "Wait, who said that?"

"I did," the voice said.

Iago landed on Jafar's shoulder in a hurried huff. Jafar, for the first time since he was sucked into the lamp, realized he was in his human form, in his sorcerer outfit. "What in the world is that?" Iago gaped and pointed with his wing towards the ceiling. There were three pairs of rectangles protruding white light onto the large blue room. There were also other little light fixtures around the walls with designs on them. To say the pair of onlookers were amazed was an understatement.

"Those are fluorescent lights," the voice answered. "'A fluorescent lamp or fluorescent tube is a gas-discharge lamp that uses electricity to excite mercury vapor. The excited mercury atoms produce short-wave ultraviolet light that then causes a phosphor to fluoresce, producing visible light.' Source: Wikipedia."

"Amazing," Jafar whispered, delighted. He inched his way towards one of the fixtures and slithered his fingers over it, in a trance-like state, ignoring the burn.

"Uh, hello!" Iago said, waving his wing in front of Jafar's face. "Anyone home?"

Jafar blinked a couple of times and shook his head, snapping out of the trance. He looked back to the ceiling. "And what are you supposed to be?" he asked the voice.

"I am your Leading Assistance and Management Personnel," it said. "Otherwise known as 'your L.A.M.P.' My purpose: to keep you and your personal pet-" "Hey!" "-safe and happy. My second purpose: to educate you on the future's popular culture, sciences and history. If you are released in such a time period, there will be new standards on what people want to wish for.

"For example, if someone would wish for a new car, you would not know what that is. So it is my purpose for you to know, to the best of my ability."

"So, in other words, you're our prison warden," Jafar said, unemotional.

"Yes."

"Swell. Just swell."

"As you may see behind you, I have everything you may need to understand the culture of the 21st century."

At the word, Jafar and Iago stole a worried glance at each other, and turned their heads. They both gasped at what they saw. The room has expanded to ten times its size to not only include a humongous living room with large, luxurious couches, tables, chairs and several shelves of books. But that was not what the pair was most surprised about.

Covering the entirety wall was a gigantic black screen, included on each side of it was a box about the height of the screen. Scattered around the room were other little screens, but they had pads with tiny keys on them, while the other even smaller screens had no such pads.

"That big screen is called an 'HD Television'", the Lamp said. "The screens with the keys are called 'laptops' or 'notebooks'. And the smaller screens are called 'iPads', copyright to Apple Corporation."

The pair still had their mouths hanging. Iago was the first to come back down to reality. "But what the heck are they?" he asked.

"They are to help you understand popular culture."

The Lamp gave detailed explanations, history information and how-tos on all the several electronics in the living room and throughout the other rooms; such as the game room with its fully stocked arcade, karaoke machine, and sports tables. The kitchen with its toaster oven, refrigerator and other assorted electronics; the garden with its very own 5000 acre golf course etc, etc.

Jafar and Iago's surprise and excitement over these future instruments silently died down as they understood how they all came into being, thanks to the Lamp's unending and boring drawling, so tiredness started settling in. Their curiosity for this era were still peaked, yes; but stealing a lamp, making three wishes, becoming ruler of a kingdom, kissing the princess, then becoming the most powerful being in the world for then to be foiled could make anyone tired.

After what seemed like forever, the Lamp finished its grand tour, and they decided to hit the hay. They each had their own bedroom. Jafar's is a sultan's master bedroom, with windows to the fake garden, the finest silk for his king size bed, with wallpaper and quilts symbolizing his favorite color: red. Iago's room, on the other wing, was just a fancier and more expensive version of his bird-cage, except it was the size of a regular bedroom.

Before falling asleep, Jafar took a chance in asking the Lamp a question.

"On the off-chance of you having this," he said, casual and waving his hand around. "Do you know if there is some sort of exit to get back to the city?"

"None."

"No trap doors?"

"No."

"No hidden rooms or bookshelves?"

"Negative."

Jafar remained calm and continued smiling. "Alright then," he said. "Do you know if you have, say, a special type of room where you wouldn't hear us talk to each other, hm?" He put on his most innocent smile, as if the Lamp could see him.

"There is no such room or section, for it does not matter. I hear and feel everything that happens. But, if you like, you could tell me when to not hear your conversations until further notice."

Jafar didn't take comfort in this since he still doubted the Lamp, but it's the closest thing he would get now. He'll vocalize his thoughts to Iago in the morning, or, in a worse case scenario, he would have to teach him how to read them on paper. He just hoped the Lamp wasn't intelligent enough to get the gist of his actions.

"Thank you," he said in a fake genuine voice while he scowled. He opened his mouth to tell the Lamp to turn off the lights, but it interrupted him.

"If you do not mind, since I have waited to ask you this while your pet was not around, I do have a special cream to treat your baldness, if you like."

Jafar's hand unconsciously went to his uncovered head. His scowl became severe.

"I thought you couldn't see," he ground out.

"Yes, but I can feel. And I felt your bald head as you took your shower."

Jafar's eye twitched. He scowled even harder.

"Turn off the LIGHTS!" he yelled at the last word, and it became dark. "And don't bother to wake me!" He slammed his head against the pillow and started counting sheep.