Title: The Princess who will not be Sheriff.
Author: Starbuck1980 (Livejournal and Tumblr)
Fandom: Once Upon a Time
Pairing: Swan Queen
Rating: NC17/M for trigger warnings, language and sexy times.

Summary: When the curse finally brakes it changes everything. Continues on from The Girl who would be Queen. Please read first as this will probably contain references and the character development etc will be the same. Mainly FTL but with some SB/RW scenes. Most probably dark & twisty knowing me. This will no doubt be very long.

Trigger Warnings: Maybe contain references to: Child abuse – Physical and emotional, emotional neglect. Cutting/suicidal tendencies, flashbacks, nightmares, Self-loathing. Please consider before you read this if you have been/still are affected by any of these. I write from experience so these scenes are fairly detailed and could be difficult to read. I do not in any way condone cutting but having lived with this tendency for a long time, I understand it. I am also in no way saying that if you are affected by abuse, you should keep quiet. In fact if you or someone you know if affect by any of these topics, please consider seeking help. There is someone out there who can and will help you.

Disclaimer: I own nothing; if I did OUaT would be taking a very different path with this pairing. All rights belong to Disney/ABC.

A/N: So I am only guessing MM has a beat up 1980's Jeep Cherokee? I watched the eps with her car in them and then googled pics so apologies if you think this is wrong. Thank you to my awesome wifey who beta-ed & plotted with me and to EvilRegalsUK (on twitter) for creative input.

This is for Adriana and Julie.


One.

Regina stared blankly at the wall ahead of her as she fiddled with the strap of the bag in her lap. It had been ten minutes since she'd walked into Dr Hopper's office and she had yet to say anything besides 'Good afternoon'. Some sessions were like this; they would sit in silence for an excruciatingly long period before he would break the silence and ask her a question.

She shifted uncomfortably in the chair opposite Dr Hopper, preferring that to the large couch, watching as he scribbled in his notebook. It had taken quite some time to build up the minimal trust they had established but she still didn't like the man and scowled at him when he finally looked up at her. Some days this felt like such a waste of time but Emma had wanted this and she had to admit the nightmares and the flashbacks had eased somewhat.

'So how was this past week for you Regina?' Dr Hopper finally asked as he peered over the top of his glasses. Regina bristled at the use of her name and not her title, stiffening in her chair.

'It's been fine,' she said sharply, fine being her default word. He looked at her for a moment waiting for her to continue but she broke eye contact and looked down at her bag.

'Just fine?' He asked prompting her 'No nightmares or flashbacks?' She swallowed straightening again.

'Well there have been a few,' she admitted reluctantly, letting out a small breath. He continued to look at her, expecting her to continue. 'Mostly when Emma doesn't stay over,' she added.

'And why do you think that is?' He asked, writing in his book before looking up at her again, his eyebrow quirked.

'I don't know,' she almost snapped but bit back her tone as the words left her mouth.

'Regina, we've talked about this. I can't help you if you are not honest with me,' He probed gently, observing her as she stiffened again.

'I just don't feel like we're getting anywhere. Maybe it would be best if I leave,' Regina stated huffing and pulled her cloak of defensiveness tightly round her.

'Really it's only been six months. You told me the nightmares and flashbacks have lessened so I think you can give yourself some credit,' Dr Hopper pointed out.

'Yes but only when Emma stays the night,' She told him letting out another breath.

'That may be so but it's an improvement, wouldn't you agree?' He asked placing his pen and notebook down onto the table.

'Not especially,' Regina shrugged as she looked up at him, her eyes challenging.

'What did you expect to gain from this? Therapy takes work, it takes work to face up to your past especially when you find it so difficult to discuss,' He said gently, as if she didn't know this fact.

'More than this,' she admitted quietly.

'Maybe we should make a new agreement that you will be more open with me. I know you find it difficult but you know by now that what you tell me in here is absolutely confidential. Do you agree with that?' He watched her for a moment, trying to push herself further back into the chair, trying to fold into herself and disappear.

Regina sighed, mulling over his words.

'I have to try because I need this to be over. I need to get through this so I can move on with my life,' Regina allowed.

'Okay then, that's all I can really ask for but you have to be committed to this process for as long as it takes or it won't work,' Dr Hopper replied. 'And you shouldn't be so hard on yourself,' He added, 'you're doing well.'

Regina laughed then and he gave her a tentative smile.

'Why don't we try exploring your current feelings and trying to voice them?' He offered.

Regina inwardly groaned. This was an exercise he liked to do every week because he thought it would help her to express her feelings more openly.

'Fine,' Regina stated resisting the urge to roll her eyes. 'I feel… annoyed.'

She looked up at him, a smile playing at the corners of her mouth. He raised his eyebrow and this time she couldn't help but roll her eyes.

'Anxious, nervous, worried…' she took a breath and gazed toward the window. 'Scared…' She felt the familiar lump rise into her throat and tear prick at the corners of her eyes.

'Do you know why that might be?' Hopper prompted when she fell silent. There was a moment of silence as Regina's hand went to the necklace at her throat, her finger and thumb playing with the ring that hung on the fine chain.

'I have this picnic tomorrow with Emma and Henry but Emma also invited Miss Blanchard,' Regina said with an edge to her tone, she glanced up to see understanding flash across the doctor's face.

'And the apology we talked of?' Regina held his gaze for a moment, her eyes hard and defiant before she swallowed and looked away.

'Yes. I think it's time that Mary Margaret and I had that conversation,' she said more softly fighting back the tears that threatened.

'Are you ready to tell me why you need to apologise to Miss Blanchard?' He enquired watching her face harden and her eyes narrow.

'No. I told you that's off limits,' she snapped back at him.

He sat back in his chair, his eye brows raised and the colour draining from his face.

Regina took a breath fighting the delight she found in scaring the good doctor.

'I apologise. I do not wish to talk about that. Emma knows and that is all that's important right now,' Regina amended, her voice softening.

'Alright… Emma knows why you need to apologise?' He asked almost tentatively.

'Yes,' Regina stated.

'How do you think you'll be received?' Hopper enquired watching as she raised her eyebrows and pursed her lips.

'I don't know,' Regina said with simple honesty as the various scenarios played in her head – everything from Mary Margaret ignoring her entirely, to laughing at her at the idea of forgiveness, to her somehow convincing Emma to leave her. Her chest tightened as she remembered the last one, Emma turning on her with hate in her eyes. She shook her head and cleared her throat, pushing away the image.

'It's the unknown you're worried about, how she will react and if she will accept your apology?' Hopper offered.

Regina nodded slowly as he looked at her.

'I'm not sure I would if I were in her position,' Regina replied, 'I'm not she should either,' She admitted, her attention on her bag.

'Regina, we talked about this. Putting yourself down isn't productive. Everyone deserves forgiveness,' He said a disapproving tone to his voice.

She looked up at him then and he could see the tears glistening in her eyes as she fiercely tried to control them.

'I'm not putting myself down. Not everyone deserves forgiveness Doctor,' Regina stated tersely.

'Well that's something we can discuss next week. Our time here is up…'


'Hey, are you nearly ready to go?' Emma asked as she strode into Regina's bedroom. The mayor was standing in front of the full-length mirror, dressed in navy chinos, and a fitted white linen blouse.

'You do realise we're going on a picnic in the woods?' Emma quipped as she came up behind Regina and pulled her close.

'Very funny, unlike some people I like to look decent,' Regina bit back a scowl fell across her face as her eyes scanned Emma briefly; she pushed Emma's arms from around her waist.

'Okay, what's wrong?' Emma asked stepping back and giving the brunette room.

'Nothing,' Regina stated rather sharply as she strode to her closet door to pick out some appropriate footwear. Emma sat down on the bed and watched the mayor disappear into the walk-in wardrobe.

'C'mon give me some credit, I think I know by now that's something's going on with you…' Emma rolled her eyes in Regina's direction as the brunette emerged with a pair of navy pumps.

Regina was silent as she sat down on the bed next to Emma. How could she say she was terrified, literally shaking Jimmy Choo's? She dropped her hands in her lap, her back straight and her eyes boring a hole in the wall opposite. She took a breath and turned to Emma.

'Why don't we take Henry to the movies instead? Or bowling?' Regina offered.

'You don't want to go,' Emma said evenly taking Regina's hands in her own.

'No,' Regina said with almost a sigh of relief, 'I don't want to go.'

'Why not?' Emma asked evenly, crooking an eyebrow.

Regina pulled her hands away and stood up.

'I get enough of that with Dr Hopper thank you,' she replied crossing her arms over her chest, 'You know perfectly well why I don't want to go.'

'You know why it's important that we do,' Emma said firmly. 'Besides,' Emma added with a smile on her lips, 'you hate bowling.'

Emma looked up at Regina with a comforting grin but Regina scowled back. Emma stood pulling Regina towards her and with her heels on Regina was almost the same height.

'You're just nervous,' she said running her hands along Regina's arms. She caught Regina's gaze in her own, 'It's not going to be easy but you need this in order to move on,' she said, 'For you to forgive yourself so we can be a family,' she added.

'No, this is a horrible idea. I can't even tell Hopper why I have to apologise. How am I ever going to explain this to her?' Regina ranted, breaking away from Emma's hold and striding over to the window, one hand in her immaculate hair and the other on her hip.

'You agreed to this because you know it's the right thing to do,' Emma pointed out sitting back down on the bed. 'Mary Margaret has been having flashbacks for far too long for us to ignore this any longer.' Emma stood and walked over to the window, standing behind Regina without touching her, 'I'm going to be right there, so is Henry. You can do this; we can do this together,' Emma finished as she took Regina by the shoulders and turned her around. The mayor was hugging her middle again refusing to meet Emma's eyes. Emma took hold of her chin, gently lifting her face toward her own so that their eyes met. Regina's brow furrowed, her eyes wet with tears.

'You only just told her about us, surely this should wait?' Regina manoeuvred weakly.

'No it can't,' Emma replied sternly. 'I told her four months ago. She was so upset this week because she keeps remembering bits and pieces of her other life. She thinks she's going crazy,' Emma reminded her before holding Regina's face between her palms. 'You know why, I know you can do this?' Emma asked staring into her dark eyes.

Regina shook her head, biting her lip against the tears still fighting to come to the surface.

'Because I love you and I believe in you,' Emma pointed out sombrely, holding Regina's gaze, 'You can do this,' she affirmed, she watched as the mayor closed her eyes tightly and she let out a frustrated groan.

'Damn you Emma Swan,' Regina grumbled, wiping away an errant tear and steeling herself for the task ahead, 'Let's go before I change my mind again.'

Emma grinned as Regina stood up straight, leaning in to plant a quick kiss against the brunette's lips. She took her hand and led her down the stairs.


Regina sat fidgeting in the car as Emma drove them to where they had arranged to meet Mary Margaret. Henry lounged in the back seat listening to his iPod and ignoring their conversation. Regina and Henry's relationship had been remarkably calm since the day they had told him about the curse and Regina and Emma's relationship. The sheriff's frequent presence brought a relaxed comfort to the Mills household and Henry seemed to bask in the additional love that they both brought into the home.

'Hey Kid, we're almost there,' Emma called over her shoulder.

She reached over to squeeze Regina's thigh, glancing over quickly as she pulled off the main road and onto a dirt track. They parked alongside Mary Margaret's beat up jeep. The petite teacher was sat in her car reading but looked up as Emma switched off the engine. She gave Emma a small smile as Emma waved. Emma looked over to Regina who scowled back.

Emma squeezed Regina's thigh again before exiting the vehicle.

'Hey,' she greeted Mary Margaret.

Henry chimed in as he got out of the car and dumped his iPod into his backpack. He turned to look at Regina who was taking deep breaths before exiting Emma's bug.


Henry chattered to Mary Margaret as she led them down a path through the forest. Regina clutched Emma's hand as they trailed behind. Emma seemed to be enjoying the fresh air whilst Regina's stomach was a tight bundle of nerves. Regina looked up at the sky; it was such a beautiful day the sky was a deep blue and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. As Emma's body bumped her own, a moment of peace and familiarity washed over Regina.

Emma pulled her along as they began to climb a ridge, climbing higher and higher still through the tall pines that surrounded them on either side. All of this seemed so strangely familiar.

Emma caught Regina's gaze, green eyes shining as they met soft brown and Regina felt the warmth of Emma's love through her gaze, a small smile crossing her lips. Emma watched Regina's lips curve and smiled back, squeezing her hand she stopped to pull Regina into an embrace as Henry and Mary Margaret fell out of sight. Emma's arms came around her, pulling her closer still, her lips against the warm skin of Regina's neck.

'I'm so proud of you, you know that right?' Emma murmured as she scattered kisses up Regina's neck and across her jaw until she found soft receptive lips awaiting her touch. 'I love you so much Regina,' Emma said against the mayor's open mouth as Regina's hands sought out skin beneath Emma's cotton tank top, her tongue exploring the sheriff's mouth. Regina pulled away first as she heard Henry calling, her chest heaving and her eyes dark with passion.

Emma quirked a smile at Henry's vocal intrusion and turned to pull her onward but Regina pulled her back by their clasped hands.

'I love you too, you believe that don't you?' She said tentatively and Emma smiled, her lips spreading wide over white teeth as she nodded.

'Yes of course,' Emma said as she pulled Regina close again, planting a quick kiss against the mayor's mouth. 'C'mon or else they'll send a search party out for us,' Emma said winking.

Regina nodded and let Emma lead her up the hill. Finally she was loved, finally she was safe and finally she was accepted. She had started to make amends, to sow new seeds in this town they called home because she wanted to make it better. She craved repentance and as much as she hated to admit it she needed to do this because without apologising to Mary Margaret she was unsure how she would keep going forward. This was her happy ending and she would work to keep it.

Emma pulled her over the last ridge and onto the clearing at the top as Henry and Mary Margaret laid out a picnic blanket. Déjà vu washed over Regina, she stood clutching Emma's hand tightly. They gazed down in awe and wonder at the view of the town below, their town; their home.


A/N 2: I was debating with leaving the Jimmy Choo comment in but it comes from a conversation I had with the lovely people in the SQ FB group. Plus I have the link of the exact shoes. LOL

A/N 3: Comments are love, you really spurned me on last time and I still can't believe the comments I am still getting for The Girl who would be Queen. This fic isn't flowing as well but hopefully you'll stick with me. I've got some surprises in store.