Loved You Madly
Chapter 1: Forgive
Helena Wells/Myka Berring
Summary: Myka has to take Helena back from Yellowstone to receive her punishment from the regents.
Rated T for suicide attempt/reference
Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Myka couldn't help how she felt. It was obvious that she was to blame for the near catastrophe at Yellowstone. If she had kept her feelings in check and seen the truth in Helena, as Artie had been able to do, none of this would have happened. Helena wouldn't have gotten into Warehouse 2, she wouldn't have gotten her hands on the trident, and Myka wouldn't be sitting here with a broken heart.

She glanced over to her passenger seat, or rather its occupant, and sighed quietly. Myka had been entrusted with the task of transporting HG Wells back to Warehouse 13 to receive her punishment (while Artie was choppered to a nearby hospital). She was focusing on driving, and on remaining professional. Helena sat fiddling with the handcuffs in her lap.

"Those," Myka said, trying to sound cold and distant. "Belonged to Erik Weisz; even you can't get out of them."

"Harry Houdini's handcuffs? I'm honored." Helena tried to joke, then in a softer voice than Myka had ever heard her use, "I am sorry,"

Myka shook her head. "I'm not going to listen to anything you have to say." Again, she kept her tone even and cool, not making eye contact with her prisoner.

"I understand." Helena whispered, regret heavy in her voice.

Myka could tell how the ex-agent felt, but, still, the words snapped something inside her. "Really? You 'understand'?" Her anger was apparent as Myka's voice rose. "What do you understand, exactly? Why you tried to kill everyone? How much you hurt everyone by betraying them? How you jeopardized my career?" Myka's voice lowered. "Do you understand how much you hurt me? Because I really don't think anyone as selfish as you could ever understand the ramifications of her actions."

The angry words hung in the air. Helena forced a painful smile. "I hope you can forgive yourself, at least. This really had nothing to do with you."

"Then why does it feel like this was incredibly personal?" Myka sighed. "Why does it feel like I could have prevented it?"

"Excuse me?" HG scoffed. "Which narrowly averted apocalypse did you just attend? From where I stood—"

"But if I hadn't recommended to the regents that you be reinstated, you never would have had the chance to almost do what you almost did." Myka blurted out. "And," she straightened her shoulders and sat up in her seat. "I don't blame myself."

Helena gave her a pointed look. "See? That sounds like an awfully lot of self-loathing and guilt."

"Well, I guess you would know a lot about that, wouldn't you?" The rage was back in Myka's voice. "You did try to wipe out the entire human race by erupting a super-volcano beneath your feet."

Helena wished to alleviate Myka's guilt. Even she could see that her partner's anger was masking disappointment and hurt. "That is true, but I really was trying to—It sounds rash now. However, I had this plan before I was even bronzed. I suppose that's why I hid part of the Minoan Trident, as a back-up if the world hadn't changed for the better by the released."

"Is that intended to make me feel better?" Myka asked harshly. "'I wasn't trying to kill you, I had planned to commit genocide a hundred years ago.' Do you really think that makes what you did okay?"

"Of course I don't!" Helena responded, upset. "What I wanted to do, well, I had over a hundred years to talk myself into believing it was the right thing to do."

Myka mumbled under her breath. "That's not what I was talking about."

"Well, my dear, what are you referring to?" Helena was watching Myka, waiting for her reply.

"I was…" Myka trailed off. "I'm talking about us."

"Oh."

Myka looked back to the older woman. "I guess it doesn't matter now." Tears were filling Myka's emerald eyes. "Do you have any idea what the regents will do to you?"

"Yes, I'm afraid I do. And I'm sorry, but I can't let that happen." Suddenly HG surged across the car and grabbed the gun off Myka's hip.

The car swerved dangerously as Myka pulled onto the shoulder of the two-lane road. "What the hell?" She shouted. "I thought you already decided you couldn't kill me."

Helena turned the weapon awkwardly in her restrained hands. "This isn't meant for you, darling." She smiled weakly and, in one smooth motion, placed the barrel between her lips and pulled the trigger.

A/N: Oh, come on, you didn't think I would be nice, did you? Review for more!