Disclaimer: I don't own Tennis no Oujisama.
A/N: The longest I've written yet on this anime in one chapter...
Dedicated to Divya! If you're reading this! Thanks for the beta!
WARNINGS: Adolescent identity crisis. Lurking couplings.
NOTE: Oishi POV
...
Silence
He always thought friendship should result in romance.
After all, what was more clichéd and unrealistic in average romances than the interest-at-first-sight and the chase?
He always thought friendship should result in romance.
Because in friendships, interest-at-first-sight was normal. The chase was normal, too. The two steps were almost necessary to initiate friendships. Like how Tezuka interested him when they met at the tennis club. Like how he chased after him to gain more of his attention.
He always thought friendship should result in romance.
Because one should fall in love with another in the truest form he came to know, that included his hobbies (other than the things he saw him do), his rare smiles, and his carefully hidden pains.
He always thought friendship should result in romance.
And when he turns to respond with soft smiles of his own to the gentle gazes the other sends his way, he thought so even more.
...
Gazes are fine.
Because they communicate friendship, communicate trust and exchange reassurance.
Really, gazes are enough.
Words are fine, as they are a form of verbal communication-the only way. Words are important, since gazes could sometimes (though, rarely) be misinterpreted or are not enough to communicate something more complex than usual.
Really, words, combined with gazes, are enough.
Hugs are fine, too, since they are a pure source of comfort that always work when gazes are too mellow or words seem too empty.
Really, hugs, mixed with gazes and words, are enough.
For an effective friendship.
Unfortunately, he made the mistake of thinking that he only needed to take gazes and words and hugs into an equally as effective romance.
Because romance included gazes.
But they are not enough.
Because romance included words.
But they are not enough.
Because romance included hugs.
But they are not enough, either.
Because romance included other things. It included kisses, passionate and vigorous, beyond the polite pecks on the cheek. It included unreasonable jealousies that so easily possess the heart of one partner when the other carelessly gives one minute too much of his attention to another. And, as a result inevitably, it included bonding time, or making love, because that is how couples bonded. That is, especially for men, where the act of bonding is more easily established when it is physical.
Friendship is fine.
With the package of gazes, words, and hugs it came with.
Really, friendship is enough.
But not romance.
Romance is not fine.
With the overwhelming chaos it brings-gazes, words, hugs, kisses, jealousies, and bonding time-it is not okay.
Really, now that he thought about it, romance is more than enough.
It is too much.
And it confused him, how the two forms of love differed so much from one another.
...
Silence.
He sat alone waiting for Tezuka to return after he reports their progress to Coach Ryuzaki.
Silence.
Maybe that was why he felt drowsy.
It was too quiet, in the clubroom made to fit a whole team.
And, beside the silence, there were other contributing factors. Like the strenuous club activities (all thanks to Inui's new training menu). Like the overbearing amount of school work. Like the fact that he was graduating this year and needed to obtain an exam score high enough to guarantee an entry to his ideal high school.
His eyelids felt heavier and heavier with each item he counted away on his mental list of worries.
Funny, it was, though, how his worries did not keep him awake like they usually do.
Maybe sleep was just his way of running away, his body's way of preventing the mind from being overwhelmed temporarily.
Letting go then, he closed his eyes completely, leaned back onto the chair and let his head tilt forward, but not enough for it to hit the table surface.
He rested.
Silence.
His consciousness submerged, retreating deeper and deeper into his mind. In its place, drowsiness crawled out to surround him in a thick layer or fog.
Silence.
Kacha.
A door opened somewhere faraway in the depth of where his consciousness had retreated to.
Thud.
It closed. Or did it? It was too soft for him to hear. So, he assumed.
Silence.
Then, the steady footsteps of another.
Or, was that his consciousness climbing out from the abyss of his mind?
They stopped before him.
Yet, his consciousness was still emerging, lazily, bit by bit, blowing away the fog lingering stubbornly at the corners of his mind.
So, the footsteps did not belong to his consciousness.
Once the terrains of his mind fell back into the control of his consciousness, silence returned both to his internal mind and external environment.
He wondered, then, if the door and the footsteps were mere illusions morphed from the fog intending to entertain him in a short dream sequence.
No.
Because he felt a presence before him.
His consciousness responded to that presence, and the sensitive hairs at the back of his neck broke from their slack state to stand rigid like professional soldiers.
He did not open his eyes, though. His consciousness warned him against opening his eyes.
So he waited.
More silence.
Until he heard swishing sounds indicating the contact of two clothing materials and felt solid warmth at his cheek, along with a force carefully bringing his face up.
He smelled it at that moment: the crisp, woodland scent that only existed high up in the mountains where the pines are fertilized by crystal spring waters.
He smelled that, and knew it could only be he, whose hobby was hiking.
Tezuka.
The scent only drew nearer, so near that it no longer caressed his nostrils, but pushed into his nasal cavity and lingered upon his taste buds.
Suddenly, warm, delicate structures articulated with the surface of his lips, first searching, gliding that eventually evolved into pressing.
Silence.
He knew it wasn't a finger tip, because it wasn't rough or calloused enough for someone who lived his passion for tennis as a second life.
He knew it wasn't a handkerchief or a towel because he wasn't drooling.
It could only be one thing.
It could only be one thing with enough power to control him even in his conscious state.
Because something else intruded his mouth, enchanted his tongue and led it on a waltz.
It could only be one thing that felt so wrong.
Because the action it is involved in breaks boundaries: the boundary between friendship and romance-
Tezuka's lips upon his own.
...
What was friendship if it had limits?
Through gazes, one could give another acceptance.
Through words, one could give another support.
Through hugs, one could give another comfort.
Yet, what was friendship if it had no limits?
It was romance.
However, one could never replace one love with the other love; they were not interchangeable.
Because in sacrificing romance, two people could still have friendship.
But in sacrificing friendship, nothing else would be left.
Had they been a couple before, they would have made good friends now.
They weren't.
They were good friends. They are good friends. And they are going to be just that.
...
"Oishi-senpai… I like you."
He stiffened; his smile froze, then melted away.
…As if the incident a week ago with Tezuka was not enough already.
He sighed.
Secrets were always revealed when two people are left alone in isolated places.
"…Echizen…"
He turned to the youth, who hid his eyes below the protrusion of his cap.
The other was silent.
He stopped, to think. And the image of the other before him, standing silent, head bowed, and narrow shoulders giving the appearance of fragility became the catalyst added to his decision making process.
It would have been easier if he had ran away after his confession like shy schoolgirls do whenever they confessed to him.
That would mean Echizen assumed rejection, which was probably the best since he could not think right now.
And afterwards, he would be left with time to ponder.
But Echizen did not run away.
Because Echizen was a warrior, a samurai. He was patient. He would make no further advancement until he has made reply.
He thought some more.
The other distracted him.
He approached him.
And the other's childlike representation and heavy silence knocked at his heart, knocked in the rhythm of his footsteps.
He arrived before him, within a close distance. Lifting a hand, he placed it upon a small shoulder.
"Echizen…"
The youth peered up at him.
He saw his eyes, then: amber pools that could hide every emotion so well beneath its frozen surface, could not hide the darkness of his dilated pupils nor the faint affection within them.
He smiled, gently, tenderly, and secretly, apologetically.
"Aa…"
The sound of his voice, accepting, appreciating.
...
Why did Echizen confess?
The other had no reason to.
They had no connections. There was not an already special relationship.
If anything, they were merely teammates-he as the other's vice captain, and the other as the only first year Regular team member.
If anything, they were merely schoolmates-he as the dutiful senpai who takes care of the other, and the other as his kouhai, who would naturally accept his care.
Why did he accept?
He did not, really.
Why did he not reject?
They had no connections. There was not an already growing special relationship.
If they truly had a growing relationship outside of vice captain and Regular member, it was inconspicuous.
If they truly had a growing special relationship outside of senpai and kouhai, it was non-existent.
...
It was not long until the rest of the Seigaku Regulars discovered the fact.
And the excitement and curiosity of youth drove them to surround the pair in demand for answers during practice one day.
"So, is it true about you two?" Kikumaru asked in his usual straight-forward manner, while the data-collector was already close behind him, making a new entry for the incoming data.
Oishi blushed, looking to the ground.
Echizen simply adjusted his cap to hide his eyes beneath them and replied, "Mada mada dane."
"Hoi! You're so sneaky, Oishi!"
"Echizen, you lucky bastard!" The same hand that normally executed the powerful Dunk Smash raised to ruffle the other's head. "That means a celebration at Burger World today! Your treat, Echizen!"
"…Uiisu." Came the indifferent, low comply.
While the air of cheerfulness dominated the inner circle that involved itself with the celebration of a new union, other Regular members stood together on the side, their minds still drenched in mystery.
"That's strange. The probability of Oishi becoming a couple with Tezuka was ninety-nine percent…" The data-analyst peered in the couple's direction, reading from his notes. "…Instead, it is the one percent probability that resulted, while the probability of Echizen and Oishi being a couple was…0.1 percent."
Pages turned as Inui traced back all evidence and calculations, attempting to recalculate the error.
"Your calculations are accurate." Fuji commented, glancing over at the Oishi currently smiling in embarrassment. Thin crescents slid apart to reveal the oceanic sapphires beneath. "It's just that people lie to themselves."
Out of the corner of one eye, he detected slight movement.
It was Tezuka, making his way out of the clubhouse, who no doubt had heard both the commotion and its cause, evident in his brooding footsteps.
Fuji turned to the tall, built man beside him who had remained quiet all this time.
"Be careful, Taka-san. Our buchou is in a bad mood today." His playful tone betrayed the seriousness of his warning.
"I-is that so… A-aa… Thank you, Fuji."
"Ne, Taka-san. It's Syusuke."
"A-aa… Syusuke."
Then. As expected.
"What are you all doing?"
A wave of shock crashed through the circle, dispersing them.
"Buchou?" "Tezuka?" "…" "Tezuka-buchou?"
"Standing around during practice? One-hundred laps around, now!"
They scrambled past him, some groaning loudly and some silently swallowing their dismay.
Tezuka stood. What seemed like he was checking to see them quickly adhering to his command was actually his tiger eyes searching for a particular figure.
He wanted to connect their eyes, to exchange silent comfort again-his gentle gaze for his soft smile-like the many times they have done so in the past.
That was not enough though.
He wanted to connect their eyes, so they can establish reassurance-he will send him a questioning gaze which he will reply to with a firm smile to dismiss all that he heard before as false rumors.
But, that did not happen when he spotted him.
He was running to pass him. With Echizen at his side.
While he gazed at him with both of his eyes, lightly saturated with gentleness and confusion, he replied with a sidewards glance, evident from the emerald spilling from the corner of one eye.
In the end, he looked away, and sprinted past him, his steps in sync with the young prodigy's beside him.
That was his answer.
Tezuka closed his eyes then, crossing his arms at his chest to wait for them to finish.
He closed his eyes, appearing to wait patiently, but really, he hid sadness behind eyelids and attempted to drown it deeper in his eyes until they froze over and the hurt sunk into his heart.
...
What should have happened, did not happen.
What did not happen was to prevent the wrong from happening.
What if their friendship evolved into romance?
Then, what if their romance fails?
Do they go back to friendship?
Can they go back to friendship, where they will both be within each other's reach, but will be forbidden to touch?
There can be no more exchanging gazes in the friendship they reconstruct, because neither would know if they were for comfort or to provoke the past and provoke the hope of going back.
There can be no more words in the friendship they reconstruct, because certain topics and selections will be cautiously avoided to prevent miscommunication that would no doubt bring back the past.
There can be no more hugs in the friendship they reconstruct, because touching would elicit connotations, and they would both know it.
Ultimately, there can be no more friendship, if reconstructed from the broken remains of a past romance.
...
Silence.
That was all that was between them now. As they sat after club activities, one across another, physically as captain and vice captain, he watching him, and he with his head slightly bowed, refusing to connect their eyes even now.
Silence, saturated with doubt, with pain, with assumptions.
Silence, awkward silence.
He chose to break it with his quiet voice.
"…You are with Echizen now."
Oishi froze. Then relaxed. Finally, he looked up to meet the other's apathetic eyes, assuming nothing, observing everything. He knew he wanted to hear, from him, the real answer.
"Aa…"
It was the truth. It could only be accepted.
"Oishi-…"
Once he sees the layer of apathy melt away into desperation, he turned away once more.
"It's funny, Tezuka." He cut him off gently, but with determination. "Some things are just not meant to happen. Sometimes, ideality and reality differ too much that there isn't a way for it to happen."
Like romance after friendship.
Like friendship after romance.
"…"
When Oishi looked up at him again, the look he sent Tezuka's way was unfaltering, firm and polar to the ones he had sent him days and months, and even, years ago when he still chased after him.
It was the look of friendship.
And nothing else.
He had remained loyal to his decisions, whatever they may be.
Then he smiled.
"Aa… What am I doing bringing you so deep into this topic? We have lots of work to do." And he laughed to dispel the heavy awkwardness between them.
And then…
There was more silence.
The silence of understanding, however forced it may have been.
The silence of acceptance, however forced it may have been.
Because there was no other choice.
...
Authoress's Crap:
Heh heh heh, and I dare make the relationship between Tezuka and Oishi one-sided? Let's just say, it's what happens when you experience a lot and think a lot.
Oh yeah, but it's not over yet.
Because Echizen's story hasn't been told yet (there is no way I'm putting him with Oishi just for the heck of it)... Because the relationship between Tezuka and Oishi...is not really over yet...
Another thing. For those of you who stumbled in and became disturbed by the idea of Echizen x Oishi, all I can say is: it's a guilty pleasure. Then again, all the Pillars x Oishi is my guilty pleasure.
Thank you for reading. Please leave any comments, if you'd like.
