What We've Lost and What We've Gained

Chapter One - The Loss

It can't end like this. I can't die here. Can I?

begin.


She had been running for so long now. For what seemed an eternity, her legs propelled her forward in a feverish attempt at escape. Her heart pummeled the inside of her ribcage, as if it too were trying to escape, any moment expecting to burst through her chest into the cold night air. Her lungs greedily sucked in as much oxygen as it could manage. Every step further was like lifting a lead weight.

And yet still her mind had bigger concerns than the physical pains of running.

Regardless of the muscles that were threatening to unhinge themselves from her body, the bite of the frigid air on her deeply opened wounds, and the waves of sweat and tears stinging her eyes - she had to press onward.

It was still coming.

The streets were too empty on this winter night to waste her valuable breath on screams. There wasn't anyone around that could be of any use. The few bystanders she had come across had been disposed of in a matter of moments, violently swatted aside like inconsequential rag dolls. She hadn't stopped to see if they were killed or just knocked out, but she assumed that they were still alive. She had been tossed into to enough brick walls and phone booths to know how resilient the human body could be. She had even gotten up right away a few of those times.

But she was different of course.

The victims would need to go to the hospital, depending on the severity of the blows. A few would probably have concussions or need stitches if they hit broken glass, but they'd live. She couldn't help them now. She needed to concentrate on her own life.

Her mind over matter stance was rapidly waning. The distance between her and her pursuer was diminishing. She couldn't keep it up, even if she was willing to run forever. She had to think fast.

Improvise! What do you have to improvise with? She glanced feverishly about.

Her sprints had taken her to an edge of the city. A small harbor. Her eyes darted. Boats. A docking station. More boats. More buildings.

Then she spotted it. A generator.

That stationary high voltage box, more than likely, powered a significant amount of the area. She could only pray that it would be enough.

Her pursuer bellowed a great roar, as it approached. It slowed its pace, knowing that there was no where else to run.

They stood, facing each other on a wooden dock, frozen in that moment. A massive horned demon, the likes of which she had only faced in nightmares, glared down at her. Red eyes pulsing, chest heaving from the chase, it released a low growl. She stared back defiantly, though afraid.

"What do you want from me?" she ventured to ask. She had an idea of the answer. It obviously wanted her dead. But why? The other monsters they had faced at least had an agenda of some sort. Energy, crystals, mirrors, something!

Not a hint of recognition fell upon its features. Its crimson eyes betrayed a mental dullness. The hulking beast that dwarfed her in size and stature ran on instinct alone. It was an animal that chose its prey. There was no other reasoning to be gleaned.

It stepped forward, the boards beneath it groaning in protest of its colossal weight. It continued to approach, but she remained ever still, waiting. The monster released another bellow before sending an immense clawed swipe at the young woman.

The impact never came. She had dived backwards into the frigid bay.

Immersed in the unforgiving waters, she opened her eyes. Though the arctic cold seemed unbearable, she forced herself to swim forward. It was still more desirable than being sliced open. She proceeded underneath the long dock back towards the shoreline. As expected, she soon heard a massive splash behind her.

She had never been a particularly fast swimmer, but with death nipping at her heels, she burst forward with the do-or-die fervor of an olympian. She glanced backwards at the demon floundering in place behind her. Hope tugged at her heartstrings, as she considered the possibility of it drowning. Perhaps if she was lucky, it wouldn't know how to swim.

A muffled cry cut through the water as the monster found its bearings. It resumed its pursuit, though with much less vigor. The glacial water was slowing it down. She could, at the very least, derive petty satisfaction out of its obvious discomfort.

She gasped out for precious oxygen, once she emerged on the shoreline. Even though the cool air met her wet skin like violent pinpricks, she was grateful for the opportunity to breathe again. Gracelessly, she stumbled towards the transformer, drunk on pain, but fueled by desperation.

Upon reaching her target, she turned back towards her adversary. Her demonic foe finally emerged from the bay, dripping with rage as it made its final approach. Again they stood off, staring for a hateful eternity.

One last roar. One last charge. One last chance.

When the beast brought down its hulking claws, she dove to her right, falling roughly against the concrete below.

Dripping claws sunk directly into the high voltage generator, sending tremendous waves of electricity through its wet and conductive body. The few street lamps around them flickered and went out as the demon's form sent arcs all about. The monster released a terrible screech, as it convulsed violently nearby the fallen woman.

Unfortunately, the electricity proceeded down on a wet path straight for her, sending residual shock waves into her own soaked form. The enemies continued to pulse, until the beast's claws were finally thrown from the power source.

Her nose was the first one to catch up, waking to the scent of fried hair and sizzling flesh. Her blood boiled with an intense electrical heat, while her skin screamed of the frosty touch of ice water. Her eyes opened to the sight of a dead youma, lifeless red eyes trapped in a thousand yard stare.

If she was able to move right away, she would have gotten up and kicked it. She would have torn off its arm and beaten its fried corpse for the mere pleasure and satisfaction of the act. But her mind was now taking second seat to her severely punished body. She laid there immobile, watching the youma disintegrate into a familiar dust.

Several minutes had passed. Her body screamed for rest, but she knew that she could no longer lay there. She was covered in ice water and exposed to a cool air. Her arm was severely gashed and still bleeding, though not as heavily. Perhaps her exposure to the high voltage helped cauterize it a bit. She could only speculate; she wasn't a doctor. She sure as hell needed one though.

But she wouldn't dare try to explain this to an actual doctor.

She stumbled to her feet, staggering painfully away from the scene, praying to Serenity that she wouldn't literally freeze to death before reaching help.


Hino Rei woke up to find her dear friend, near dead on her doorstep. She had at first ignored the knocks, but they had weakly persisted.

"Oh Kami-sama, Mako-chan!"

The shrine maiden dropped to her knees and brushed her friend's frozen chestnut hair out of her face. Beneath drooping eyelids peeked a faded green listlessness, so unlike that of her normally shining emeralds. Once rosy lips were muted a disturbing shade of blue. And sheet white pale skin was stained and smeared with crimson gashes.

Although her first instinct was to panic, a more pragmatic center of her brain kicked in. The raven haired woman wasted little time in dragging her friend's limp body towards the baths.

She tore off her friend's frost covered clothing, leaving her bra and underwear for modesty's sake, and placed her in the lukewarm bath. The sensation of the room temperature water shocked the beaten brunette back into consciousness for a moment, and she let out a suffering gasp. A new layer of pain was added to her already multi-layered night. The hurt threatened to shut down her brain.

Rei slapped her in the face. "Stay with me, Mako-chan!"

"Rei-chan?" she mumbled weakly. She hadn't exactly remembered making it to Rei's temple. Her eyes threatened to close and send her off into a wintry slumber.

"Goddammit, you stay conscious!" Rei slapped her again.

"But I'm so tired..."

"Please don't fall asleep yet!" pleaded Rei, "I'm going to go warm up the water a little bit. Wait here!"

Rei sped frantically towards the wood and started a small fire underneath the bath. She dashed back to her friend, who was still on the verge of letting go. Oh God, what would Ami do in a situation like this?

The only thing she knew to do was to slowly warm her up and keep her awake. Perhaps talking to her would work.

Rei shook her friend's shoulders vigorously. "Mako-chan, what happened to you?"

Makoto smiled faintly, head lolling. She slurred her speech, "Hi, Reei-chaan."

So maybe it wasn't the best time to ask. Perhaps less complex questions. "Okay then. What color is the sky, Mako-chan?"

"You have preeetty eyes."

"Uh sure. They're my mother's eyes. Now what's your favorite color?"

"Greeeen..."

"Good. And - Mako-chan! Pay attention!"

Makoto squinted, trying to focus. "It's so cold right now..."

Rei looked at her friend's fading state. The water was warming up, but her lips were still blue. And she needed to clean a nasty looking gash on Makoto's arm.

"I'm not a Senshi anymore, Rei-chan," mumbled a delirious Makoto.

"That's right. You're not transformed right now. Now what month is it?"

"February."

"Good. And what day?"

"Tuesday?"

"It's Wednesday now, but fine enough. Are you feeling warmer?"

Makoto nodded dumbly. Rei touched the water, it was actually getting somewhat hot. After a few more minutes of trivial questions, steam was rising. And much to the firebrand's relief, the color was beginning to return to her friend's face, though it was accompanied by violent shivering. Awareness slowly returned to Makoto's distant emerald eyes.

"Mako-chan?" questioned Rei hesitantly. She noticed the grim expression replacing the delirious haze.

Although there was no answer, Rei could see in Makoto's far off look that she was awake and mostly cognizant.

"I'm going to go get some gauze to clean up your arm. I'll be right back, okay?"

No response. Rei returned shortly to the edge of the bath. "Give me your arm."

Makoto complied silently and took her cold arm out of the warm bath. Unfortunately, the feeling in her limbs had returned, and she was now feeling Rei's attentions to her bloodied wounds. She closed her eyes for a moment and hissed, seeing the youma swiping at her and deeply grazing her left tricep.

Rei, feeling the wince, apologized, "I'm sorry. But I'm going to have to put some antiseptic on it. It's going to sting."

Makoto nodded and awaited the oncoming sting. It burned, but didn't hurt as much as anything else that was thrown at her that night. She recalled the fear in her heart. For her own life and for the people she was failing to protect. Worst of all, she recalled...

"Mako-chan?" Rei's hesitant voice cut through her reverie.

"What is it?" replied the fighter dully.

"How are you feeling now?"

It seemed like a simple enough question. Yet, Makoto had no idea how to answer. She settled for a bland, "I don't know."

"Well, I'm glad you're at least seeming to form coherent thoughts." Rei let out a deep breath of relief and touched her friend's still slightly cold cheek. "The color is back in your face. Thank goodness."

Rei's attentions returned wiping away the blood. They sat there in silence, until Rei put down the crimson stained cloth. "There. Your arm is cleaned up. When you get out of the bath, I can patch it up better when it's dry."

Tears began to form in the brunette's eyes, but she forced them back. "Thank you, Rei-chan. You saved my life."

"I'm relieved that I could," admitted the shrine maiden. She tried to seek out the fighter's eyes, but Makoto was avoiding her gaze. "I know you'd do the same for me. Now, what on Earth happened to you?"

Makoto leaned back against the wall of the tub and sighed heavily. After a short pause to collect her jumbled thoughts, she put it simply, "Youma beat my ass, we fell into Tokyo Bay, and then it got electrocuted. Then I stumbled here and probably scared you half to death."

"The Tokyo Bay part explains you practically having hypothermia. But is there anything else you wanna add? Like why you didn't call any of us?"

Makoto shook her head sullenly. "Fighting for your life really takes it out of you. I know we have a lot to talk about. But right now, all I want to do is rest. It's dead and I'm still here. That's all I can say for for right now. Please?"

There was a distance in Makoto's eyes that Rei couldn't place. Although the shrine maiden could reach out and touch her, the fighter seemed miles away. Makoto seemed resolved in discussing the matter later.

Rei wanted to push. Normally she would have. But tonight was different. She had never seen the her willful friend so broken before.

As much as it pained her to do, Rei relented, "Fine. I'll be back in a few minutes to patch your arm. You're taking my bed tonight. We talk first thing tomorrow morning."

The perturbed warrior nodded and gazed down at the water, drowning in her troubled memories. Her battle wounds were soon wrapped after she grudgingly left the bath's warm embrace. She slipped on some the loose fitting clothing that Rei left her. Judging by the band logo, the shirt was left behind by Yuuichirou. It would have to do, as her own clothes were torn and possibly still frozen. She proceeded quietly under Rei's jostled covers.

As she lay staring up at the wooden ceiling, one thought tore her insides apart.

I'm not a Senshi anymore.