Hello.
This will be a selection of snapshots into Ben Solo's time as an apprentice under Luke Skywalker and the turmoil that led to the birth of Kylo Ren.
It's still not very clear how old Ben was when he destroyed the Jedi temple, so I still maintain it was late-adolescence/early adulthoodas my canon.
Warning: THIS WILL CONTAIN THE LAST JEDI SPOILERS
I do not own Star Wars, nor the characters associated with it. They are the property of Disney :3
#1
Of Black Eyes and Broken Memories
Ben hated meditation. Regardless of how his uncle droned on about the necessities of meditation, it changed nothing.
He knew he was being selfish, however. Jojen had made it extremely clear the last time they had fought that Ben was acting like he was owed something and Ben wanted to believe that he was. It was his uncle who was the Jedi Master and it was Ben who had been his first pupil and that couldn't be taken from him. Therefore, the black eye that Ben was currently sporting was no surprise to the majority of the other students.
His uncle had spoken to him about it, about many things including; 'do not call me uncle, I'm Master Luke while you're here.' It made Ben miss home, or at least the equivalent. Even hyperspace runs alone with Chewbacca filled him with more family togetherness. It would have been nice if his uncle could have time for him alone, at least once.
Ben felt a pebble hit his forehead and he opened his eyes to see Xhona looking at him, her large dark eyes narrowed. She was leading the meditation session and knew he had slipped.
Refraining from reacting in a manner that would have led to another black eye or another berating from his uncle, Ben went back to meditation, wishing he was out traversing the skyline in an X-wing.
Eventually he drifted into a meditative state, exploring the world around him and feeling for the Force in the earth beneath him, in the clothes on his back and even within himself. The energy, though strange, felt exciting to behold. It knitted everything together and as Ben flowed from one thing to another, he could imagine how there was balance even between something as insignificant as mud on the heel of a shoe.
Then the reason he hated meditation became apparent. The screams descended, images of war and death and sadness and Ben couldn't escape it. It wanted to drag him under and as he fought it, the feeling seemed to knit within him until there was only silence and assimilation. It felt like a hand was on his shoulder, warm and resolute.
Follow me. I will guide you. Your true potential is beyond this.
'Ben!'
A slap against the face stirred Ben from his meditation and his thoughts were forgotten, as if plucked from his mind completely. It was Ikora who had slapped him, and despite being several years younger than him, she did have a talent for causing bruises.
'I thought you hated meditation. Do you plan on missing lunch again?' she questioned.
He looked around himself and saw that the sun was much higher in the sky than it had been and he narrowed his eyes at the young girl as he scooted away from her.
'What was I thinking about again?' He asked himself, wondering where he had gone to in his meditation and why he felt like he had been suffocating. 'Was meditation like this for everyone?' He considered, though did not have the desire to ask.
It was Mar who handed him a large stuffed rice ball and a canteen to drink from before sitting beside him. His friend seemed amused and Ben could plainly see that he was holding in his laughter at the purple bruising around his left eye.
'Are you absolutely useless with your fists, or what?' Mar commented, chewing loudly on his food.
Ben scoffed. 'Don't you think it's strange that everyone who wants to fight me, chooses to do so when I don't have a weapon in my hands?'
'Not everything is resolved with the Force, you know.' His friend responded simply.
They didn't understand. None of them had been born into the Force like Ben had and so none of them could share the same connection he did. Ben pitied them sometimes, and then there were other times when he looked in the mirror, and he was absolutely embarrassed with himself. Jojen had been right, Jojen was always right and Ben just never wanted to admit it.
He finished the rest of his meal in silence and got up, trudging into the temple, searching for his uncle before the Velocities lesson began. At the very least his uncle could enlighten him and fix these broken spots in his memory. Ben's hand held the handle of his Lightsaber against his hip as he walked, feeling for the crystal within and knowing that it at least relaxed him to feel it pulse in his palm. Ben moved through the large building, passing the kitchens and inner meditation rooms before reaching his uncle's quarters.
'I worry about him sometimes, Luke. If you could just keep me updated, I would be fine.'
Ben knew his mother's voice almost immediately and he slowed his movements, noting that his uncle was talking with the General through holocomm.
'I am too. The look in his eyes worries me, it reminds me of things I'd rather forget.' Luke responded.
The young Solo wasn't a fool and knew when he was being spoken about without much effort. His hand tightened on his Lightsaber at his uncle's words and he wanted to interrupt, to tell him; if he had something to say, he could say it to his face. Ben didn't, however, and he cleared his throat, wanting to placate his uncle, despite frustration brewing within him.
'Ben?' Luke sounded surprised as he turned to his nephew, who looked less than amused. 'I was talking to your mother.'
'Good day, General,' Ben said tightly, his eyes not breaking away from Luke.
'Oh Ben, it's nice to hear your voice. Luke says that you can come home for a few days next month.'
Ben gave a non-committal sound of confirmation and the room was eventually silent. The young Jedi had become distracted and as he stood in his uncle's small council room, his eyes moving to the stone floor, he forgot what he had come to see his master for. The idea was not even a memory, but a ghost whose life had been taken in its sleep.
'Ben, are you okay?' Luke asked.
Though the young man had already turned away, rubbing his head with confusion.
Thanks for reading.
Here's to continued inspiration!
