(Ok, this story is DEFINITELY OOC. For a start, everyone is within the same time line. Second, Gryffindor and Slytherins are good friends. This is a different universe, where the Dark Lord and all of his followers are actually really nice. A LOT of Gay pairings in my head. Also a few odd ones. Rated M for a reason. Focusing on the famous 'QUIRRELMORT'! YAY! Contains slash, lots of fluffy friendship moments too. Enjoy! Inspired by MirandaTam42 and her 'Quirrell in a skirt' theory.

NOTE: - I am in the process of editing all of these chapters, if you see anything wrong, feel free to PM and let me know. Thank you!)

"Quirrell, you like wearing skirts?"

Quirinus Quirrell blushed deep red when Lucius Malfoy had said that. Honestly, Quirrell didn't even realize that anyone else knew about his little, erm, fetish. Not - Not that it was a fetish... It was just a way to keep cool during the summer holidays, under the blistering heat. Of course. He didn't enjoy wearing skirts at all.

How did Lucius find out? Well, during the holidays, Bellatrix had decided that their little gang should go camping. The gang consisted of herself, of course, Narcissa who was her half-sister and as close to a friend as they could physically be, Lucius, Severus Snape, who although a few years younger had grown attached to the group after his ex-girlfriend, Lily Evans, had broken up with him and started dating Peter Pettigrew, Yaxley (the same year as Severus and his shoulder to cry on during this time), Tom Riddle, although everyone called him Voldemort as a pet nickname, and of course Quirrell. She WOULD have invited the 'Gryffindor gang' Her cousins Sirius and Regulus, James, Remus, Lily and Peter, but unfortunately, the groups were in the middle of a 'prank war' and although the two groups were close considering their houses normally, all of them were cautious. Especially after the Slytherin group had broken into each of the allocated Gryffindor's dorms (the boys shared, they'd put a petition together and protested until Dumbledore started to listen) and charmed everything Green and Silver, leaving giant transfigured toy snakes everywhere! Fifty points from each Slytherin involved and two-hour detentions each later, they regretted nothing!

Camping was a spur-of-the-moment thing, And Bella and Narcissa were brilliant at spur of the moment. Before they started planning, they floo-called everyone just to make sure that they were OK with the date and plans. It was the hottest day of the summer when Bellatrix Lestrange called the Quirrell residence. All windows and doors had been opened, and, since his parents had been out at the time, Quirrell had taken the opportunity. Imagine Quirrell's surprise as he had been pruning flowers and putting them in vases for around the house, dancing to LMFAO's I'm Sexy And I Know It in a neon green and silver mini skirt when he turned around suddenly to find Trixie's face in the flames of the fireplace, mouth dropped open in shock and trying not to laugh.

"Shit... um... " His reaction? To use his skirt to cover up his pale shaved legs.

"Well..." Bella really didn't know what to say. "You look... surprisingly nice."

"Th-thanks." Quirrell replied, blushing.

"Primark?" She nodded at the skirt

"Y-yeah. Nine pound."

"I'll make a mental note of that." She was handling the situation well until she burst out into laughter that echoed around the rooms. Embarrassed Quirrell had ran to get some black leggings on, just for the conversation. Plans were made and Trixie promised she wouldn't tell. and she didn't.

Over the summer holidays. And imagine how awkward it was for Quirrell when a cluster of Scottish tourists in kilts walked past and Trixie took one look at Quirrell and continued laughing, while the others looked at her wondering if someone had cast a spell on her at birth.

Five weeks after all of the gang came back, Bella was swamped with homework, and asked Quirrell, the smartest one in the group by far, to help. He was equally swamped, and refused politely. Lets just say it kinda slipped out in anger when she ranted to Yaxley.

A few days after, the group had a free period after Potions and sat by the Black Lake, skipping stones across its murky waters. Voldemort and Lucius practiced dance routines while Bella and Quirrell watched. The evil smirk between Lucius and Bella went unnoticed by both Voldemort and Quirrell as Voldy collapsed beside his friend. After rummaging through his bag for a bit, Quirrell found a bottle of water he prepared for his dear friend a few hours earlier He'd performed a weak freezing charm, not strong enough to turn into a block of ice, but enough to sufficiently cool.

"Here." He tossed the water gently and Voldy, with the co-ordination of a dancer, caught it with skill.

"Hey thanks Quirrell" He flashed his best friend one of the rare smiles he saves, not just for the gang for just for Quirrell.

Shrugging, he looked at the book he'd just fished out of his bag. "It's warm, i knew you'd be dancing with Lucius." Relaxing, he leaned against a rock and opened his books.

Bella had grinned at Lucius at that point. She wanted revenge, she'd only got an A on that last Muggle studies essay, and she knew if he'd helped, she would have got better. "Yeah, it is warm today isn't it? A little too warm."

Voldy looked at his crazy female friend weirdly. The way she was staring at Quirrell unnerved him. She had that crazy look in her eyes. The way she was saying that... she was implying something, that's for sure. Was she trying to seduce Quirrell? Good luck, he thought as he opened his water. Everyone knows he's the only gay kid in this Slytherin year... sorted by Scarfy anyways...

Lucius, seeing Quirrell too engrossed in his book, decided to take a direct approach. "Speaking of the warmth, Quirrell?"

Without looking up from his book, he responded that he was listening. "Hmm?"

"You like wearing skirts?"

SPLRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRR. "WHAT!?"

Voldy looked at his friend in disbelief, a blush forming slightly in his cheeks. His mouth was glistening with water from his spit-back and water was also forming from his nose-less slits from where it had gone the wrong way. It wasn't even the news that Quirrell wore a skirt that caused the reaction. It was the image that had popped into his head as Lucius said it.

Wide eyed, Quirrell's face was now the color of the Gryffindor fan, minus the Gold. His book had fallen from his grip in shock and his eyes darted from Lucius' smirking face, to Bella's body now rolling around by the lake laughing, to Voldemort's unfathomable eyes equally wide and his mouth, jaw open in shock.

"B-B-Bellatrix you c-cow!" Quirrell's stutter only appeared when he was really embarrassed, scared or speechless. He recovered quickly. "You promised! Why? Just why?"

Still laughing, she tried to get words out during gasps. "It was - to good - an opportunity!" Recovering, she straightened up and gave her friend evils. "Anyway, if SOMEONE had actually helped me with my Muggle Studies assignment, then SOMEONE wouldn't have had to worry about his big secret coming out in front of his BOYFRIEND!"

"I was b-busy! I had that as-assignment too, and Herbology h-homework to d- VOLDEMORT IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND!" He yelled blushing furiously and chucked his book at her.

She dodged, caught it in her right hand and chucked it back. "That was a psychological question. I never said names, I could have been referring to Lucius, or the group of Hufflepuff lads behind us," she pointed to the guys that were now also laughing, although not as hard as Bella was. "Or Snape and Yaxley, who are coming now with Narcissa."

Shit, thought Quirrell.

"Greetings fellow Slytherins," Snape greeted with a hand gesture. "Why in Wizard God was Bellatrix doing an impression of a retarded dolphin out of water 30 seconds ago?"

Lucius' smirk had yet to vanish as he replied "We've just informed Quirrell we were aware of his 'secret'."

Yaxley grinned from ear to ear. "So we can laugh about the skirt now? Haha brilliant, I've been wanting to for weeks!" He glomped Quirrell from behind. "So wanna go shopping during the summer holidays from a pretty dress? My sister knows these awesome places-"

WHACK! The book hit his head. Not hard, but enough to make Yaxley let go and for Narcissa to cheer. "HAAAA! Serves you right Yaxley. Who cares? If it's hot, men shouldn't be forced to suffer by wearing trousers. If Quirrell wants to wear a skirt, so be it."

"I suppose you're right Narcissa." Snape drawled, but he now supported a similar smirk on his face that Lucius still had, although he was more polite to try and hide it. Failed, but tried.

Quirrell glanced at Voldemort, whom hadn't said a word during this entire conversation. He wasn't laughing, but neither was he trying to make eye contact with Quirrell. Fuck. Well, there goes his friendship with the one person he cared most about on this entire planet.

Bella had noticed this too and had decided to make one last little remark. "What's wrong Thomas, having second thoughts about Quillderella over there? Or maybe you like that kinda thing, that's why you're not-"

Quirinus Quirrell tackled Bellatrix Lestrange into the Black Lake.

It was one thing teasing his femininity which although pissed Quirrell off to no end, he'd gotten used to. It was another thing entirely to tease Tom's sexuality. He became very sensitive when he came out as 'undecided' by The Scarf of Sexual Preference, because he knew his family wouldn't think well of him being anything other than Heterosexual. So he defended his friends honor, and got a little revenge of his own all in one.

Bella screamed when she hit the water, but laughed when she came back up, enjoying the trouble she caused. Quirrell also grinned at her, showing no hard feelings. Lucius, however, protective of Bellatrix, ran to push Quirrell into the Lake as well. Voldy, sensing his intentions and noticing how serious his face was, ran forward to protect his friend. Dear Quirrell didn't deserve any of this, so what if he wore a skirt? If he wanted to that was his choice. If he wanted to around his friends, that was up to him...

Lucius was too fast and Voldy grabbed Quirrell's waist just as Lucius made them fall into the waters below.

Water engulfed them both, and they both clung to each other as they reached the surface. Voldy looked at Quirrell, and started shaking slightly. Quirrell looked at Voldemort, and the butterflies that regularly formed when he was around his dear friend went on full rage mode. They were so close to each other. Too close...

They both burst into laughter at the events of today, then yelled for the others to join in. Yaxley cannon-balled in without a moment's hesitation, splashing everyone, including those not in the Lake. After careful debating about whether or not to get his hair wet, Lucius then joined and splashed around with his friends for a bit. Narcissa completely refused to go anywhere near the water, instead taking photos with her phone and put them on Facebook. Severus put his hand in and splashed them like that for a few minutes, before withdrawing his hand and informing his fellow friends of where the sewage filled water came from and what was added to it daily. Of course, that got everyone out in an instant.

After a quick drying spell on everyone involved's behalf, they all decided they needed to shower before they could head to lesson, so they headed back to the Slytherin dorms. On the way, James bumped into the group and quickly gave Severus a fist-bump and high-five before glomping him and kissing him on the cheek. Severus, being who he is, told the git to get off, but was grinning and a few shades pinker than he was before.

"Don't get comfortable guys..." James threatened the group. "We're already planning our revenge for that last prank as we speak!"

Since the others were distracted by James's threats, and wanting to talk to Quirrell, Voldemort fell behind a bit, and Quirrell, Voldy being his best friend, followed. "So... do you really wear skirts?"

Turning to his best friend with embarrassment and shame in his eyes, he nodded. "Wh-when it's really h-hot. I mean the Sunday bef-fore the camping tr-trip was stifling was-wasn't it? It w-was way t-too hot to w-wear jeans like no-normal and ev-even the r-r-robes were t-too much." His voice had gone up a few octaves, begging for his friend to understand, for him not to think he was too much of a cross-dressing freak.

"Quirinus, calm down!" He grabbed his arm to keep him from walking any further and emphasized the point he was about to make by grabbing him by the shoulders. For Quirrell, time stood still. "There is no need for you to work yourself up so much that you start stuttering " He shook Quirrell's shoulders gently with a slight smile on his face. "Don't be silly. You're my bestest friend EVER, and i will definitely not judge you badly on anything, especially on you wearing a skirt!"

Quirrell, who had frozen at Voldy's simple touch, smiled at his words, and hugged him tightly, burying his face in Voldy's neck. "You're my bestest friend ever too!" This was the only time he ever used improper grammar, that's how much he cared about the guy in front of him. He let go. "Thanks Voldy."

Voldemort gave a giant happy grin to Quirrell. "No problem, Squirrel " Quirrell blushed slightly. Voldemort slid his hand into Quirrell's. After all, he'd been holding his hand ever since their first day at Hogwarts. Three years later, he could still hold his hand, couldn't he? After all, that's what the best of friends did. "Lets go catch up to the others!"

Running down the corridors, they giggled and caught up to the others fairly quickly. However, they failed to notice the speckled Gryffindor still standing not far from where he had glomped his crush.