AN: I am so sorry for the delay in the updates guys, I'm looking for a job and I'm going through a bad case of writer's block, so I decided to write another story :D
Yes, this one. Enjoy.
Disclaimer: Neither the series nor the songs and lyrics are mine.

1 - 12 Stones: It Was You
2 - Kelly Clarkson: A Moment Like This
3 - Avenged Sevenfold: Seize The Day
4 - Staind: Believe
5 - Breaking Benjamin: Breath
6 - Evanescence: Bring Me To Life
7 - Crossfade: Cold
8 - Guns N' Roses: Don't Cry
9 - Nickelback: Far Away
10 - Foo Fighters: Big Me


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It was you
Who showed me who I am
And thaught me how to stand
For what I know is real

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Sitting on my leather couch and pretending to be foccused on the latest sudoku puzzle, my thoughts drifted to the petite brunette who had me on my toes.
She made me believe in second chances, she made me see what was it like to live on the lighter side of his world, she made me see the good in people, in her, the good in myself.
I would be forever grateful to her for showing me the right path.

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What if I told you
It was all meant to be
Would you believe me?

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I wasn't dumb.
I knew he had only chose to work in the bureau with the single purpose to find Red John.
But what if his arrival to my Unit meant something more?
What if it meant for me to relinquish all the control and appreciate the simple things in life?
What if it meant for me another shot at happiness?
And how would he react to that?
Would he believe her or would he walk away and dismiss my feelings for him?

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So what if I never hold you
Or kiss your lips again?
So I never wanna leave you
And the memories I must have seen
I beg don't leave me

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Things wouldn't ever be the same again.
She wasn't coming back.
One mistake from my part, and that was all it took.
She took the bullet that was meant for me, she saved my life.
And I'd heard her agonizing cry, I'd seen her bleed, I'd grasped her hand, begged her to not give up on life, on me.
But that wasn't enough...
Red John had yet taken another woman I loved from me.
When I proclaimed my love, she threw me one of her beautiful smiles and I forced myself to memorize it.
And as life slipped away from her, I cried, I held onto her, held onto my memories of her.
She was my only hope, and now she was gone.
I couldn't bear that pain again.

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I sit alone and watch the clock
Trying to colect my thoughts
All I think about is you

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I knew it was worthless to drown myself in paperwork when he invaded my thoughts.
It was unnerving how my mind tricked me with images of his impish grin or his sparkling eyes...
And the worst of it all was that he was already in my dreams, my darkest lust-filled dreams...
I couldn't work like this, not when he was everything I could think about.

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You take the breath right out of me
You left a hole where my heart should be

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The Mayor was having a fundraiser party at the City Hall and the team had been invited to be there, of course.
Wayne finally asked Grace to be his date, Cho was taking Elise and I was left to take her to the event. I should have seen it coming.
The no-nonsense boss-lady Teresa Lisbon took my breath away, leaving me standing at her living room, motionless, as she descended the stairs of her appartment wearing an elegant strapless black dress, hugging all her curves.
She had certainly been the one who had made all men wishing to trade places with me.
Maybe, after seeing her trademark smile, I had felt my heart beat again, I had felt the blood running in my veins, a proof that I was alive.
Maybe, I wouldn't let her return alone to her appartment tonight.

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How can you see into my eyes
Like open doors?

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I've always had the strange feeling that he, as he stared at me, always read my soul.
He knew me so well, knew my likes, my dislikes, knew when I was angry, sad, happy...
It was a shame that he never found out what I felt, my true, deepest feelings towards him. For an ex-psychic, he could be blind.
But I couldn't deny that he actually knew who I really was and he could see right through my badass lady-boss facade.
The strangest thing was that I knew so little about him.
So many years spent working together, and I still couldn't decypher the consultant.

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You are the antidote that gets me by
Something strong like a drug that gets me high

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I finally understood her.
She had stuck her neck out for me, not only to cover for my schemes, but also in order to protect me. She was my own guardian angel, the one who held my soul, the one who made me open my eyes in the morning and fill my lungs with oxigen. She had me on the palm of her hand, lingering on her smile for strenght.
I knew that she cared deeply for me, but I was always messing a future relationship between us with my stupidity and desire to kill Red John.
I was addicted to her, to her body, to her soul, to her heart, to her smile, to her grumpiness in the mornings...
I just couldn't let go of her. Screw the world, screw the CBI, screw Red John.
Her love was mine for the taking. And I wouldn't mess it up.
There was now too much to lose.

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Talk to me softly
There's something in your eyes
Don't hang your head in sorrow
And please don't cry

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I found him on the roof of the CBI building, deep in thought.
Thinking about that day's date I sighed sadly.
It was the sixth anniversary of their death, and if his daughter was still alive, she'd be eleven years old today.
I didn't know what to say to make him feel better.
I had seen him during the day, always looking out for him. He hadn't been himself this morning. He came to the bulpen in the morning, laid on his couch and pretended to be sleeping, not bothered by the concerned looks he was getting from me.
The day passed without a case, without his bickering or his impish grin, without an argument or a threat, without a look or an origami animal. He just kept laying down with his eyes closed, lost in the memories of his beloved family.
My heart was breaking. I hated to see him like this.
Reaching a hand to touch his shoulder, I locked his gaze and was left speechless. Patrick Jane, the man who had walls of steel around him, was lost. I saw it in his eyes. The missing spark, the despair of a man who hid behind a smile and a pretty face...
On instinct, I threw my arms around him as he sobbed, and as a few tears escaped from my own eyes, I swore to never let him go.

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Keep breathing, cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it, hold onto me
Never let me go

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Since Bosco's death, I had kept an eye on her. I tried, I swear I tried to make her open up with me and talk about her feelings towards Bosco, but she wouldn't cope, she wouldn't talk. All I could see was that she was sad, angry at herself.
One night, after an exhausting case, I awoke from my "nap" and noticed the lights in her office were on. Walking slowly, I approached the office and ran inside as I saw her crying. I held her in my arms, whispering sweet nothings in her ear, hoping to send her pain away.
But something else happened, as she looked me in the eyes, still crying, and told me I was the only person she trusted, I allowed a small smile make its way on my lips, and I pulled her to me, my hands caressing her back in a soothing way until she fell asleep.

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Well I talked about it, put it on
Never was it true
But it's you, I fell into

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No, no, no, no. It just couldn't be true.
I don't... Ok, I do, maybe a little but...
I can't... Although CBI regulations don't mention any...
My job is important to me... Who am I kidding? And so he is. As he's a part of my job, of course he is important to me.
But I just can't be in love with him... Can I?
Oh Gosh, he's already staring at me, and I'm blushing. This is so not happening right now. I walk past him...please don't mention my blushing, please don't mention my blushing...
Just why in the world did I had to fell for him? Ok, so maybe it were the blond curls and the impish blue-ish eyes, but still...
Ok, I'm ready to admit to myself that I love him, but if anyone else asks, I'll deny it to the grave.