Hermione greeted harry at the train station just like every year with a hug and a smile. "So Harry, did you do anything fun this summer? You seemed in better spirits when you wrote me."

Harry smiled brightly, his green eyes luminous. "Yeah, actually. I decided that since everybody wants my cute heroic ass (weather I'm willing or not) including my family and random animals, it was high time I work on wandless magic."

"Oh, that's wonderful." Hermione cheered, glad to see Harry taking his studies seriously. "What spells did you learn? Can you teach me too?"

Ron perked up as well at the prospect of learning something handy for his impending future(or doom) as an Aura. "That's a great ideal, 'Mione, we can all learn. So what spell did you get first Harry?"

"Oh, it's so cool! I can now cast a stinging hex with my rectum!." Harry announced with a puckish grin. Hermione tactfully forced a smile as Ron turned green." I know, brilliant, right? And if you think that's impressive, you should see what I can do with my scrotum now.

Ron collapsed in a dead faint, caught with quick wand work from his girlfriend, while said girlfriend tried her best not to go into another pointless lecture about the stupid things teenage boys will say and do to impress their friends. The rest of the trip to the school was relatively quiet, aside from Harry going into detail about his attempts to magically electrify his nipples and shoot fire out of his penis, much to his friends' horror.

AN: Ok, I was reading "Crimson Spell" (Ayano Yamane, chapter 35) and the concept of a chastity spell came up. First I ROTFLMAO, then I wondered how so many fanfics set in a world with magic didn't have this come up more often when Harry seems to get raped so very often. If I have offended Harry shippers, no, I'm not actually sorry. Flame me if you must. It will make me feel special 'cause you took the time to type it.