Hey there my lovelies. Missed me? So, I've kind of been experiencing a bit of writers block, in addition to stressing about about a bunch of choir stuff thats coming up very soon and some other competitions.
And... I'm also kind of going... Well, this, to some degree, expect the guy has no idea, and it's not a matter of sexuality, I'm just completely and undeniably friendzoned, plus he has a girlfriend who I'm kind of friends with. It sucks, but I'm not going to try to break them up, I'm not a total bitch. But this song... It's basically exactly how I feel.
Anyway, so, yeah, If I have to angst, I'm going to put Dragon through some of it too, you know?
IKnowIt'sTerrible,ButEvenThoughI'mNotGoingToDoAnythingAboutIt...
Pairing: One-sided Rachel/Dragon (My ever constant OFC) Oh, adult Dragon... lets see how this actually works out...
Universe: Friends, pick whichever season you think works best
Rating: I would say soft T
Warning:One-sided femslash, some language, angst?
Disclaimer:If I actually owned any of this, do you think I would be writing this?
Other: Obviously based off of Taylor Swift's Teardrops on My Guitar.
IStillReally,ReallyWishThatTheyWouldBreakUp...
Teardrops on My Guitar
"... And he's always getting upset about something or another. It's like I can't even talk to him anymore without him blowing up at me." Rachel vented as we sat on the couch in my apartment- mine alone now, I couldn't bring myself to get a new roommate after she moved in with Ross.
It was just... another Saturday afternoon. Rachel came to me, upset because of something that her (stupid) husband had said to her yet again. I just wish that man would just get over himself and realise what an amazingly lucky guy he is to get the time of day from Rachel, let alone be married to her. What I especially don't understand is why she keeps giving him a chance. They've been married three times, and it still hasn't worked out! Well, they're married right now, so I guess I technically can't count the third as a failure yet, but it's definitely heading in that direction and quickly, if things keep up like this.
I mean, if she keeps coming over once a week or more because they've been fighting, either to drink, vent or be comforted, they won't be together for much longer, I can only assume.
I'm sorry if this makes me a horrible person... But a part of me really hopes that that will happen. Which is stupid, because she's straight and even if they did break up, I would still have no chance with her... But that doesn't keep part of me from hoping, doesn't keep the vindictive side from saying "If I can't have her, I no one else should." like a little kid who only wants her way.
I couldn't even call myself her best friend, though she was definitely mine. Monica had that spot in her life and always would, though we were still very close. The reason why I was the first choice for this was because Ross is Monica's brother and no matter how close Rachel and Monica were, there would always be some form of awkwardness, if not outright tension, if Monica was the one that Rachel always went to to either ask for advice or just plain complain or vent about her brother. So, as next in line in the chain of friends, I was the one that she came to. Plus, I was a writer, I had no other job, so I was basically always home, and if I wasn't then I would be later that night, if what I was doing wasn't so important that I couldn't come home whenever she needed me.
... You know, with how I'm at her constant beck and call, how I basically shape my life around her, it's a bit of a wonder that Joey is the only one who has ever figured it out. That, however, is mostly because he gets the feeling of being in love with your best friend, who will probably never look at you like that or swing that way, since he feels that way for Chandler, who is dating Monica.
"I just... I just don't know if this marriage is even gonna work anymore. I hate to say this, but right now, this just feels like an uncontrollable spiral towards divorce, again." Rachel lamented as she took another drink from her wine glass and then set it down on the table. "I don't know Dragon, I just... I really thought it was going to work out this time." My heart clenched in sympathy for her pain, though the selfish part of me was more than slightly pleased with this developement. As I told that stupid part to shut the hell up, she rested her head on my shoulder.
"Hey, Rach, it'll be okay. You'll get through this just like you always do. Who knows, maybe it'll turn around at the last minute, but even if it doesn't, you're just too freaking good for that man. If he isn't smart enough to realise how lucky he is to have you, then fuck him, he's an asshole and you deserve someone better than him anyway."
"Thanks honey." She sat back up and looked at me, "And I'm sorry that I always come over and cry on you and whine about Ross all the time, I know that there's a million other ways that you could be spending your Friday night-"
"Rach-" I cut her off, smiling. "Don't worry about it. You're my best friend, I'm glad you trust me with this. And besides, if you didn't I would just be sitting here alone trying to decide which way I want to take the series so I can write the next chapter, so your actually saving me a headache as it is." I grinned playfully as the mood lifted.
"Well, I'm glad to know I make a good distraction from your job." She gave me that beautiful, playful smile that made my chest flutter everytime she sent it my way. "But seriously, Dragon, thanks. It means a lot that you're here for me. I don't say this nearly enough, but you're an amazing friend and I'm lucky to have you."
For anyone else, this would have been a great thing to hear, and normally for me, it would have. Sadly however, we hadn't exactly been monitoring ourselves on how much we drank, and she was so close, she looked so beautiful with that smile, and what she said... It was just a lttle too much.
Before I even knew what I was doing, I leaned forward and kissed her. It wasn't a very strong kiss, my lips barely touched her before I froze, realising what I was doing. I stayed still for a moment, then came back to myself and pulled back as quickly as I could, leaping up and getting off my couch altogether for good measure. Rachel stared at me, clearly shocked, and I stared right back, just as surprise. There was a pregnant pause, where neither of us knew what to say, before she finally broke it.
"Dragon-" But I interupted her.
"Rachel, I am so, so sorry! That was definitely the last thing you needed to happen right now. Let's just... pretend I didn't just do that. It's late, and clearly I've had too much to drink. Just... The guest rooms always open, or... If you would be more comfortable going upstairs to Monica's, that's cool too, I guess. I'll just... I'll just leave. I'm sorry, Rachel, I am so, so sorry." Before she could overcome her shock fully or answer I fled, like the coward that I am, to my bedroom. I didn't even bother turning on the lights. I had already been in pajamas, so I just crawled into bed and just laid there, doing my very best to not think about anything but what I had just done. Rachel was a great friend, a great woman, she would understand, she wouldn't let this end our friendship, but... Things would never be the same ever again. She would never be as comfortable around me as she was. She would definitely not come to me about Ross any more, or any other heartache she might have in the future... I hadn't destroyed our friendship, but I had irrepairably changed it.
Thankfully, I was managing to fight off the tears fairly well when my bedroom door creaked open. Seconds later, I felt a weight on my bed. Neither of us said anything, she merely slid under the covers and pulled me into her arms.
I wasn't stupid. She wasn't holding me as a lover. She was straight and that's all there was to it. She was holding me as a friend, because I was going through heartbreak and this was all she could do to. This was the closest that I would ever be with her, and that thought was the last thing it took to break me down as I clutched her like a lifeline and sobbed into her shoulder.
ThatMadeMeSadJustWritingIt...
Well, that was a lot more serious and sad than my usual stuff... One-Sided love sucks... This was originally based on You Belong With Me, same artist, but then I decided that that was a little too upbeat for this, and this one fits better now that I think about it.
Anyway, hope you... enjoyed? Reviews and favorites are, as always, appreciated but never requred, and I hope to see you again soon my lovelies!
