Luke looked at himself in the mirror. "You are a damn selfish fool, Luke Spencer. Damn selfish." If it were possible to drag yourself out into the street and beat yourself around, Luke would have done it. What had he been thinking? Not about her, obviously, just about himself.
He had been on such a high when they had walked out of the Haunted Star together. Tracy had packed and wanted to come with him. She couldn't have given him a better gift if she tried. Before she had arrived, Luke had been thinking about how to talk with her. He couldn't stay in Port Charles and he couldn't leave her. The only logical choice was to take her with him. And he promised her the ride of her life. Idiot… idiot…
Getting the car had been easy. She looked a little hesitant about the pain Jetta, but didn't say anything. He knew it was beneath her, but they had to be as inconspicuous as possible and her Mercedes just wasn't going to cut it. Once they had settled in the car and were on the highway, they both started to relax and talk. He had been endless with tales of the road and she had laughed with him. Big show off that he was, and she was like a giddy school girl waiting to hear more. He had never seen her in this combination of relaxed and excited. She had even used some of ELQ's recently acquired technology to set up a blog so they could be in touch with their kids. She was beautiful. And as the sun began to set, the light caught her hair and actually lit up the space around her. He felt like it was about to burst.
He knew his mistake the moment they pulled in to the cheesy motel. Luke didn't even have to look at his wife to know what she was thinking. He could feel her body stiffen. He tried to lighten the mood and made some inane comment about how the feds would never look for a Quartermaine in that type of dive, and he saw the colour drain from her cheeks. However, Tracy didn't say a word. She was content to let him take the lead and when he returned with the key she willingly went into the room with him.
All things told it could have been worse. The place was a dive on the outside, but someone had tried to make the room look half descent. Above the bed was a Monet knockoff, and the chairs at the small table had been recently reupholstered. The glasses were clean and the towels still had the lingering smell of bleach. He had watched her look around, then came up to put his arms around her, "it won't always be places like this, Spanky, we just have to do this a few nights while the feds think we've left the country, then we can get something more upscale. It probably won't be 5-star, but it will be better, I promise."
"It wouldn't be my first choice, Luke, but I trust your judgement."
Luke felt the chill go all the way into his heart at that point. When his wife couldn't make a sarcastic or biting comment, he knew it was bad. He couldn't even fathom what she saw, but this place certainly wasn't living up to his stories. He watched as she unpacked her toiletry bag and headed for the bathroom. Luke tried to make things as comfortable for her as possible before she returned. She noticed, thankfully, and kissed him for his efforts.
And here he was, hiding in the bathroom hating what he knew he had to do. As much as he wanted them together, he would have to take her home and risk being caught. The police didn't bother him, but parting with Tracy would be torture. They had just found their way back together and now it was over. He hoped she would forgive him for dragging her along.
Gathering up the tattered shreds of his courage, he entered the main room expecting to see her in the bed. It took him a while looking through the dark room, but finally he saw her curled up in one of the chairs just staring into the darkness. He couldn't take it anymore, as tears silently fell down his cheeks.
Walking slowly over to her he pulled the second chair closer so he could sit in front of her.
"I'm so sorry, Baby. This isn't for you. I'm selfish and wanted you for myself. I didn't even think what this would do to you. You can't live like this. You deserve better and here I am ruining your life again."
Tracy didn't even look at him; she just kept staring into space. Just when he thought the silence might deafen them both, Tracy finally began to speak.
"Do you know the last time I was in a room like this? Dillon was about 12, and I'd told him I was on a business trip. I was working my way up the corporate ladder, trying to prove myself. I was travelling with one of the VPs of the company and he pulled off the road into a place like this. He said he couldn't keep driving, he was too tired. He just needed to rest and then we would continue to the weekend home he owned. I had been sleeping with him for some time, and thought I could trust him.
"The room was awful. Lime green shag carpet. I remember that colour because it was the last thing I had looked at before he hit me. He hit so hard. Calling me a whore, telling me I was the reason his wife had left him. I thought I was going to die. All I could think about was Dillon and who would take care of him.
"Luckily for me, Daniel had forgotten his credit card at the front desk, and the owner came to return it. The police were quick to come, I think. I don't know. It was all a haze after that."
Luke was stunned, and hated himself even more if that were possible. This whole time he thought Tracy was looking at the room as unacceptable to her standards. He never imagined that she had horrors from her past that might overwhelm her.
"Oh, Baby…" was all he could say before he reached for her to pull her into his arms.
"Don't!"
"Tracy, I'm not going to hurt you. I would never do that to you." Luke was truly dismayed. How had they gotten from their perfect afternoon to this? He promised her the ride of a lifetime, but it wasn't supposed to go through the valley of hell.
She finally turned her head to look into his eyes. He saw so many conflicting emotions there. What was she thinking? Did she really expect him to be another Daniel?
"You have hurt me so many ways, Luke, but I know physically I am completely safe with you. Don't try to make this better, okay? I'll deal with this and put it behind me again. I'm just surprised by the memory, that's all. We're on this trip to prove you aren't guilty. We're not here about me."
"Like hell we aren't."
Luke could see Tracy starting to erect her protective wall and he wasn't going to let her hide behind it. She rarely told him about the darker times in her life, the years she's been banished, and he respected her privacy. He knew it would come out when she was ready, or maybe never. Either way it was on her schedule not his. But this was out there now, and he's be damned if he was going to let her carry that memory by herself.
"Excuse me?"
"Better or worse, Wife, better or worse. You might not remember our vows but I sure as hell do. I made a half-ass promise three years ago and I meant every word. You don't get to tell me what I can't do for you. When we're out there in the real world, the tough-as-nails woman I love is fine. But in here, when it's just you and me, there's no hiding."
"I'm not hiding. I can deal with this. I'm sorry I said anything."
Tracy was starting to get defensive and Luke was watching her pull away.
"Well, I'm not. I love you, Tracy. I love every thing about you, and you don't have to be strong all the time. Let me help you carry some of the load. You've been helping me for a long time."
Luke watched as her face went from anger to confusion to acceptance, and finally to relief. He heard the catch in her throat as she took a deep breath. Sadly she nodded her head and reached out to him. Within seconds she was in his arms and he was trying to sooth the dry sobs coming from her body. This was the woman he adored and he knew so little about her past.
Slowly Tracy's breathing returned to normal. As she moved in his arms, Luke hugged her tighter and kissed her neck. All he wanted to do was be there for her, to let her know she didn't have to deal with these memories alone. He could kill Daniel for what he did to Tracy. How could anyone do that to another person? Luke had done some pretty terrible things in his past, but he had never beaten a woman and blamed her for his screw-ups.
Finally Tracy pulled back a bit and looked up at him.
"I'm sorry, sweetheart. Everything as been so wonderful today and then I bring it all crashing down. I should know when I get too happy something is going to ruin it."
"Shhh," Luke said, as he gently touched her lips with his thumb. "No one deserves happiness as much as you do. You can tell me anything, you know that. No judgements. I don't know half as much about you as I should. Don't keep this stuff from me, okay? Let me know if anything hurts you. This is a new adventure for both of us. Just promise me we'll do everything together, okay?"
"Okay."
"I'm serious Tracy. I want to know."
"What part of 'okay' didn't you get?"
Luke couldn't help his chuckle. She said she would share things with him when they came up, but it wasn't going to be Oprah.
"Okay, Spanky. I won't push you. What do you want to do now?"
He could see some of the spark come back into her eyes and his heart leapt. She was getting her balance back and he watched as the corners of her mouth turned up slightly.
"Well, what I would like is for my husband to help me get rid of these memories. When I see a dive, I don't want to think of Daniel anymore, I want to think of my husband and the new doors he keeps opening for me."
"Hmmmm, well what did you have in mind, Popsicle?"
"I think we've had a very long day, and I think that bed over there is looking pretty inviting."
Luke reached up to her face and brushed the hair out of her eyes. He just wanted to stare a bit longer into the face he loved so much.
"What is it, Spencer? Forget how to do it?"
"Not on your life, Wife. I'm just taking a few moments to enjoy your beautiful eyes."
"What?"
"I promised you the ride of your life, but I think I'm the one getting the ride of my life instead."
Tracy crooked her head to the side and gave him her most sarcastic glare.
"Why, you think I'm going to be an emotional basket case all the time? I can take anything you throw at me, Husband."
Luke felt a deep guffaw germinate in his heart and erupt through every pore.
"I have no doubt about that. You are amazing, you know that? It doesn't matter what has happened to you in the past, you still keep moving forward looking for then next challenge, the next trophy. I love being on your coattails. I never know what will happen."
"Well… I had pictures something a little more intimate than my 'coattails'. Do I get more?"
"Oh Mama, you get anything you want."
Moving to the bed, they spend the next hour kissing, caressing, fondling, nuzzling, exploring, discovering, connecting and never tiring of the other. Luke didn't know what he did to deserve her, but he wasn't going to question the gifts of the luck gods.
When they were finally sated, they cuddled down together and began drifting towards unconsciousness. Just before sleep consumed him, he heard the soft words of his wife…
"Thank you, Luke. I couldn't do this without you."
Somewhere in the back of his mind, he was thinking that she wouldn't have to do any of this is it wasn't for him, but he knew what she meant. He couldn't do it without her, either.
