Ruth ruffles through the messy filing cabinet, keeping her head down, her mind anywhere but here. She's painfully aware of him across the E.D., talking to a panicky-looking old man, his face and posture calming, as always. It's quiet today in the reception, so she can just about hear his voice. Ruth doesn't bother listening to the words; just the sound of him talking is enough to keep down the shrieking pain that threatens to creep up from somewhere deep in her stomach. But with the relief comes the bitterness. She paper-cuts her finger, but the tiny sting is barely noticeable.
He successfully soothes the elderly man and sits him down carefully. Ruth's heart starts to beat faster as he comes to the desk. Her eyes flick up from the search she's paying no attention to and he smiles at her, making her stomach flip over.
Maggie calls him away, and as her heart calms down, Ruth realises how stupid she's being. This has happened to her once before. Stop it, stop it now. The pain inside her claws away. She has to stop herself before she gets hurt, again.
He won't want me. Who would take me now?
Abs promises Mr Rutlidge he will be seen as soon as possible, and leaves him gratefully. He's tired and this kind of pointless distraction grates on his raw nerves. Then he sees her, and somehow that makes it better and worse all at the same time. He's always so confused around her.
At first, when she came here, Abs thought she was just another arrogant, standoffish young doctor. Her first few months did nothing to dispel that impression. But since her… attempt, and her return, he's seen something else in her.
She thinks she hides it well, but he sees it in every little thing she does, every time she's caught off guard, every time something touches her heart. Pain. But also, beauty. Maybe she doesn't even see it herself, but she can be reached. Abs wants her to trust him. But if he's honest, that's not all he wants.
She won't want me. Why would she trust me now?
