Holiday Neutral
"Guess what, fellow roommates! Or, perhaps the more accurate term would be apartment-sharers, seeing as none of us actually have rooms, per se, so much as curtained off areas of said apartment," Rachel mused, stopping herself mid announcement to reflect upon her own wording choice.
For a moment as Rachel frowned to herself, touching her chin, Santana actually thought that perhaps she would be let off the hook and the other girl would forget whatever undoubtedly unwelcome proclamation she had been about to declare. However, Rachel soon brightened, flashing a smile in her roommates'/apartment-sharers' directions one by one as she finished her thought.
"It's December first, and you know what that means!"
Santana and Puck, leaning back against the wall near her, exchanged blank stares, absolutely clueless. Both glanced back towards Kurt, where he was seated at the kitchen table, sipping at his coffee, but he too looked nonplussed.
"If it's Barbra's birthday, I don't care," Santana assured her, but Rachel just rolled her eyes at her, huffing aloud.
"No, Santana, of course not, that would be April 24, and I certainly hope you will have that committed to memory by that date, because I do plan to have a party in her honor, even if she can't show up herself, although I do suppose one can always hope. As a member of this establishment and our own makeshift family, you are certainly invited and in fact required to attend as well, and I will not accept excuses of dire menstrual cramps or sudden onsets of scoliosis as you tried to utilize last year."
"I am NOT attending a Barbra Streisand Obsessed Fandom party," Santana's head snapped up, her voice rising slightly with her horror, but Rachel ignored her, literally bouncing on her toes with excitement.
"December first means that it's officially time to decorate our apartment in holiday neutral décor of both Hanukah and Christmas themes! Also Kwanzaa, because although none of us are African-American, Daddy is, and I very well could be, as we are unsure of which of Daddy's genetics are actually mine."
Santana had no immediate retort on the tip of her tongue. Instead, she just stared incredulously at the other brunette, unsure of what to react to first. There was Rachel's declaration that she was unsure of whether she was white or African-American, when you could tell within fifteen seconds of meeting her, without even seeing her physical appearance, that she was clearly the whitest person known to all humanity of all time. There was the fact that this was further underscored by her reindeer sweater, jingle bell earrings, and flashing electric lights necklace, paired with a Star of David necklace as well, and when Santana's eyes dropped to her feet, she saw that she was wearing socks with JOY and BELIEVE stitched over their surface. And when she thought about Rachel's statement that it was time to decorate for not one, but three holidays- and the assumption that the others would help- well, it was enough to leave her nearly speechless.
But not entirely. She still had just enough presence of mind to blurt, "I knew you were fucking insane, but you've soared above and beyond and into the land of loony tunes now, Berry."
"Rachel…just how much decorating you talking about?" Puck asked warily, narrowing his eyes in Rachel's direction, but Rachel continued on, barely deigning to cast a scowl in Santana's direction in response to her rude comment.
"I do not have time to address rudeness and bah humbug attitudes, I simply hope that the two of you will through my planned activities gain an appreciation and acceptance of the required holiday spirit and will join more merrily as our days progress. We certainly do have a good bit of work to do. The decorations alone will take considerable time if done properly, and there will of course be nightly showings together of various holiday films. Group sing-alongs, caroling, certainly as a group, as the deeper voices of the two of you will balance out mine and Kurt's nicely-"
"I'm down for this, surprisingly," Kurt finished his last dregs of his coffee, tilting his head in consideration. "Now, I suppose you might take it far above and beyond the average person's tolerance, but in general, it does sound like fun. There's my annual duet with Blaine, of course, and if you don't know how to ice skate, it would be fun to teach you. We can watch the classic old movies like Holiday Inn, Miracle on 34th street, It's a wonderful life-"
"It's gonna be a miracle if we don't end up staying at an inn during the holidays to just escape the two of you, and the way you're describing it, it's a soul-murdering, terrible life for the next three weeks," Santana said flatly, rolling her eyes. "Are you really serious here? You're gonna try to drag the two of us into your manic "traditions?"
"Well, certainly the two of you are free to make suggestions and your own traditions, seeing as you are a couple…that is what you are, isn't it?" Rachel asked a bit uncertainly, looking between her roommates and noting the close space, without quite touching, in between them. "I'm never entirely sure if you have yet assigned yourself a label, or if you desire to simply exist within your own personal definitions of-"
"Labels off, and tradition wise? We wanna be tradition free and not hit with the crazy festivity fairy and its glitter stick, got that?" Santana warned, holding up one finger, as Puck too nodded, frowning faintly.
"Uh, you might have forgot me being Jewish here or whatever, despite the years of temple together, Rach…so I ain't gonna be turning down any presents, but you can count me out of the rest you got planned. Wouldn't wanna, uh, step on religious freedom, right?"
"Oh, we will have Jewish decorations and activities!" Rachel assured him brightly. "As I explained, all my various ethnicities will be represented, and you will be fully covered, Noah. You can also provide a supportive presence for those of us with Christian backgrounds, to include Santana as well. Now if you will just let me get some of the boxes…"
She bustled out of the room, and after a few moments Kurt stood too, going to help her. Santana stood rooted as though nearly catatonic, eyes still wide, before she turned to Puck in near despair.
"Do we really have to spend Christmas with them?"
"We could just sorta…not come home one day," Puck suggested, and Santana jumped on this, her tone actually seeming to be serious.
"There has to be a cave we can hide in. Or an avalanche we can get snowed under. A zombie apocalypse we can join up and head the fight for? Anything has to be less frightening and dangerous than those two in the midst of holiday fever."
Puck smiled, this time seeming genuine, and reached to draw Santana closer against him, kissing her cheek. Santana leaned into him, exhaling, as he kept her against his side.
"Guess we better leave now if we're gonna, or maybe start to self-medicate. A lot."
"That is an excellent place to hang mistletoe, right there where you're standing," Rachel called as she re-entered the room, seeming to be looking past them rather than at them, and as she dumped a box of decorations, disappearing to retrieve another, Puck and Santana looked at each other again.
"On second thought…the streets aren't exactly toasty this time of year…we can learn to live with them?"
