These memories are always a little different, never 100% concrete in their details. But they always remain exactly the same, really.
"Behold! I am the King of all Dragons, the Mighty Issei Hyoudou!"
How ironic, I think when remembering that time. I must've been onto something!
"Puh-lease! Tremble before the infinite awesomeness of Irina Shidou!"
We're role-playing, standing on some of the smaller stones in the middle of Irina's family's garden. Not that we care, to us it is a bloody and scarred battleground, the Sun receding and the wind howling. And we are the noble warriors, me as a fierce Dragon and Irina as... whatever Irina felt like. It changes more often than it stays the same. At some point isn't she a dragon too? Maybe.
"Die, Issei, for I have summoned the ultimate power!" Irina raises her arms above and behind her head, as if holding a fireball, and chucks the imaginary sphere at me. Of course, since we both routinely bend the already-flimsy laws of physics, I create a new move just to block it. But then I realize it'd be even more impressive if I just dodged it, so I do that instead.
"Ha! Too slow!" And then, because we are around six or so, I blow raspberry at her, or try at least. The result is laughable, but in the good way, although it is not enough to make either of us break character. We are far too focused for that. "Now you will be destroyed! Super-Ultra-Mega Death Ray!" Yes, I am still a dragon, but I am back and forth between being an alien Dragon, an exploding dragon or a ghost Dragon. Right now I settle on alien dragon. Aliens have death rays.
I raise my left fist. I remark briefly how odd it is, since I am an extreme example of sole reliance on my dominant hand, then disregard it as unimportant to resume the battle. I clench it into a fist and perform a crude pitching gesture as if to throw a death-ray at her. In my head I imagine her dragon form (yes, I think that sounds right) swaying its long neck up to a blackened sky, screaming as it falls forward and dies.
But she doesn't. Of course she wouldn't, we're both trying to outdo the other, and I don't even mind at that point considering we've already discarded most rules. Instead, Irina simply sidesteps and launches her own attack, even announcing it like the protagonist of some generic anime, just as I had.
"You should watch out yourself! Flapping tornado!"
I chuckle, try to stifle it, and make it worse when it does inevitably escape. Then I step down off the makeshift pedestal, just laughing the whole time. Irina does too, but she's only cracking a grin.
"What?"
"It's..." I break down laughing again, tears coming into my eyes. "Where'd'ya come up with that one!?"
"It's a serious move, Ise! I flap my wings and it causes tornadoes to form and attack you!"
"But..." I chuckle again, then suck air in until I can continue. "Couldn't you come up with a better name?"
"No," she finalizes seriously. There's a moment of silence as we begin fidgeting and forget what we were supposed to be doing, and lose any interest in returning to it anyway.
"I'm bored. You?" We turn slowly to look at each other, and a smile creeps up from the corners of our mouths. A singular smile, almost, and definitely shared.
"Three," I begin, and we both ready ourselves.
"Two," Irina continues, and right as I prepare to say 'one', she begins sprinting back to the house. I run after her, and while I cannot be certain, I think I begin screaming at her. Something along the lines of "Hey! WAAAAAAIIT!"
In truth I don't care that she started early, and I'm laughing too much to keep up with her. I stop long enough to regain my breath and finish the length at walking speed.
This is one of many memories, just to give you an idea of most of them. None of them are insanely vivid, which considering their relationship with reality makes sense. I've learned to accept they didn't happen, and that they're just what I remembered because they were covering up something far worse: the real events. Otherwise there would've been no upside, only the unfiltered pain that comes with... well, just keep going. This next memory is an important one.
...
Irina's mother opens the door to let me in, and remembering what manners my parents have managed to teach me, I respond with a simple "thank you". I resume dashing inside immediately, and begin yelling for Irina. She responds by walking out of the hallway and stops by the front door where I am. Without another word we race back to the car together.
There's not much else that happens between this point and when we reach the important stuff, just the usual stuff that happens when six- or seven-year-olds are taken to playdates.
Suddenly, as if bypassing any memory of the ride over, we're there. A park, or more accurately, some grass and trees encircling a lake. Sidewalk wraps around it, and benches and fountains are scattered throughout. There's a playground too, and my parents lead us there. Or, more accurately, point it out and let us lead the way for them.
It's already changing. The playground is becoming... what? Irina has her own idea what it is, but to me it's an underground city. There's even a moment where the air becomes thicker as I pass through it, and there's a small gurgling noise to be heard, as if passing through a kind of portal.
Wait, did I ever imagine that portal being anywhere in my picture of this place? Normally I would instantly assume so, but Irina says something to me, asking if I heard and felt it too. I nod nervously, but shrug it off again as mere coincidence. The two of us begin our next big battle.
A small group of guys come sit on a bench not far from the playground, with their backs to the lake that everything else winds around. My parents are already sitting on it, so one or two of the group are left standing. The one closest to my mom starts talking, and my curiosity begins taking hold. I nudge Irina, and begin searching the playground for somewhere we can hide and listen. She quickly follows, and finds a place before I do. We get comfortable and begin listening. At first it's only little snippets of sentences, but eventually it all seems to fall into focus.
"Well, y'see, we're on a bit of a tight schedule..." It's one of the strangers. I hear my dad scoffing.
"Really now! But not so tight as to have to go anywhere, right? Just to try getting us to understand any of these questions, am I on the right track?" The stranger chuckles.
"Eh-heh-heh... I'm dead serious. Give an answer we happen to agree with and we'll leave, right then and there." A pause, and then "Pinky promise?"
Now there's laughter. I'm not sure whose it is, but Irina and I join in, albeit quiet enough that we're not discovered listening in.
"Okay, fine," my dad finally responds. "Pinky promise. Now what's the important question?"
"D'ya happen to know any of the Shidou family?"
"Why?" Now it's my mom. She's concerned why these strangers want to know about Irina's family, and I have to agree it's certainly odd.
"We're good friends with them ourselves, like you."
"Now why do I have a hard time believing that!?" My dad responds angrily, and I understand why. These people won't leave!
"You promised," the stranger argues, almost in a joking and unconcerned tone.
"Not to this," my mom reasons.
"Meh, oh well." Footsteps as the stranger gets up. I sneak my head out from behind the equipment to see what's happening, and I notice two things. One, I don't see anyone else in the entire park outside of this playground. Two, the sky seems a bit... discolored. I'm not sure how, but it looks wrong. I even point it out to Irina and invite her to see for herself. She tells me what's wrong with the color of the sky.
"I think that might be because it's not blue. It's purple."
"What!? No way!"
"Yeah, it is!" I suddenly see it. Irina's right! The sky's almost reddened. What's going on!?
I return my focus to the strangers. I see the one that seems to be the leader turn to a woman already standing.
"Curious question: can I do it here?"
"Do what here?" My mom asks, but the leader ignores her. The stranger simply replies to her leader: "I believe so; there's no reason you wouldn't be able to." He nods, then turns back to my parents.
"I'm sorry, but I regret nothing," he comments offhandedly before waving his hand. I will later compare it to Obi-Wan Kenobi's use of the Force. I see my parents suddenly stiffen, but just continue watching. I can't see her, but I imagine Irina is too.
"Alrighty, let's get some answers!" But the stranger that the leader had been sitting next to on the bench suddenly spoke up.
"Uh, are you aware that was entirely unnecessary?" The leader turns, and the sitting stranger points. At us.
"Even better! Well, I guess you've officially been declared redundant!" I don't know what that word means yet, but just the way he uses it tells me it's nothing good.
"Whuh..." My dad asks suddenly.
That's when it happens, and it happens fast. The one remaining on the bench suddenly pulls something from his jacket. I jump back a little where I stand when I see it.
"Can I do it, boss? Please? I wanna test it out!" The leader sighs as if annoyed, but his voice has some level of hopeful enthusiasm to it, as if he too is a little anxious to test whatever it is this other stranger has.
"Go ahead, have at it." The leader continues walking triumphantly towards us, but we remain frozen. We've stopped thinking about what might happen, or at least I have. I don't know what Irina's thinking. But I know I'm transfixed, just gazing in wonder and horror as the stranger pulls out what appears to be... oh no!
I give myself no time to react, I simply scream, or begin to.
"He's got-" Irina claps a hand over my mouth with impossible speed, although this probably does nothing. The strangers - I later learned they were Devils - know we are there, and that we are seeing everything. They probably turn their heads before shrugging and turning back, except I don't see it if they do.
I hear the gunshot. My eyes immediately water, out of a combination of startlement and the immediate understanding. I begin sobbing through Irina's hand, and I hear her stifling tears too. Suddenly, as quick as they come, they're gone. I stop crying, and something inside me changes. I'm... blank. I don't feel anything.
I'm not sure how, but I end up breaking free of her hold on me and I step out from where we were 'hiding'. I don't see my parents, only a little wisp of red smoke in the shape of their bodies. The leader of these killers turns to look at me, then back towards where my mom and dad once existed. I see him smirk as he takes a deep breath, and blows the smoke away. The human-like shapes are destroyed. The last remnant of my parents, gone.
"That worked well!" The leader taunts. I just... stand there, frozen both physically and mentally. I don't think, and I see everything as if I'm not there, just witnessing it.
"Well, what are you going to do?" The leader spreads his arms wide and turns his head up in a gesture of defenselessness. "C'mon, I won't resist! I only just had your parents killed and probably need to kill you and your friend over there to keep you quiet!" As he mentions Irina, he turns his wrist and points at where she is still sitting, unmoving.
I register what he says and begin running, not toward him, but away. I don't want to die, and at this time I'm not sure what I'm thinking or even if I am at all. They don't follow me, and I realize why when I'm suddenly slammed back to the ground. I'd collided with something!
I see it now. The red filter that made the outside world look the way it did, and the lines seemingly drawn into the ground. We'd passed through it, and even noticed the transition, and now we're trapped!
And that's when something else happens, and if I was thinking at all before, I'm certainly not now. Now it's all instinct, and I truly become just a witness. Thinking comes later.
I turn back to face the group of strangers. No, Devils. That's what they are, I don't know how but I know it sounds right. I don't just turn, I begin running. Slowly, then with incredible speed.
("Boost!")
That's not my voice. I don't feel my throat move, and if I did it would burn from sounding so low and gravelly yet powerful at the same time. How!?
Never mind, I won't get an answer anyway. I raise my left fist again towards the leader as I run, and for a brief moment I feel as if I'm going to break apart. Somewhere my inner anger and grief manage to push something out of me, or into me, I'm not sure yet.
("Balance Breaker!")
Instinct tells me this shouldn't be possible, even considering everything so far. Whatever this voice calls "Balance Breaker" sounds extremely dangerous, especially for my body (can I still say myself since I've become so removed from my own body?). I might die, and I have no idea why any of this is happening!
I don't see or feel it, but I can sense it. Somehow, the Devils that killed my parents have ceased to exist, and it seems so have I...
The last thing I hear before blacking out is Irina yelling something. And then nothing.
I should also add that what happened right there shouldn't be possible, but there are a lot of things that shouldn't be possible. That, and it's not possible.
...
"Issei?"
My eyes jerk open, and I sit up immediately, startled. If there's any pain I don't feel it. I look around. Irina's house.
I'm remembering what happened now. Those Devils killed my parents! They were going to kill us too, and we'd walked straight into their trap! How were we alive now!?
Who was speaking?
I turn and see Irina sitting on her knees next to me. I look forward and see Irina's parents, a bit farther away but still watching me closely.
"I'm okay," I say. I couldn't think of anything else to say, but that was probably good enough. And it is. I'd spoken, proving I haven't somehow gone mute and that I am still myself. I do some shifting and get to my feet.
"I'm so sorry, Issei," Irina's mother says, and I remember what the leading Devil was asking my parents about.
"Why were those Devils asking about you!?"
I turn to look at Irina, and follow her eyes back to her parents, who look at each other grimly. They turn back to me, and Irina's dad pulls a silvery crucifix on a string from around his neck. He holds it out for me to see.
"Do you know what this is, Issei?" I nod, and he continues. "That's right, it's a cross." I see Irina's mother pull her own cross from around her neck, and I remember that Irina once showed me hers. "It's also a symbol."
"Of what?"
"Who we are and what we do. We've declared ourselves to be servants of God, and there's quite a bit of danger to that. Do you know what a Devil is?"
"Those men were Devils!" I blurt out, and Irina's dad doesn't look surprised. I see him mutter something but can't catch what.
"Yes, they were. And they wanted to kill us. We know who they were, and had they been more careful they would've killed us. The sad part is they got to you first."
"What happened?" After a moment he realizes I want to know what happened after I blacked out, so he tells me.
"We found you lying unconscious on the playground. We saw the remains of an Entrapment Circle, and we knew immediately what happened. You killed those guys that killed your parents. From what Irina tells us, you used a power that might've killed you too."
"What power?" I forget any questions I might have about what an Entrapment Circle, and then realize he means the force-field we were trapped in. I wanted to know how I was able to kill those Devils! As much as I know I hate them for probably killing my parents, the idea of taking their lives sounds so horrifying!
"That's a bit more complicated. All you need to know is that those Devils will never be able to hurt you again, and you saved Irina's life."
"We'll be taking you to your Aunt Yasaka's in a couple hours," Irina's mother adds.
Aunt Yasaka? Who's that?
That's unimportant, I realize, so I say nothing. If she's not a Devil, I'm okay with that.
I start sobbing again, and step toward the two. They comfort me, and so does Irina. My parents are dead, but my best friend is alive, so that's got to be good enough. I don't think I reach this conclusion on my own, but still it convinces me I won't spend the rest of my life grieving, which I'm grateful for.
My parents were killed by creatures that were probably some type of demon. I used a dangerous power to kill them without ever realizing it and somehow Irina's parents found us before anyone else did.
You can see why I'm a bit skeptical. Everything I knew I felt in these memories was so real, yet nothing else could be. So what does that mean?
...
The mood backseat is extremely awkward, and it's because I've been told the rest of the plan. Irina and I are still getting along fine, but are both preparing to have to be peeled off each other when the time comes. We say nothing about it though, just keep on exactly as we always do, albeit a bit gloomier. I try to tell myself that I never saw my parents die, for better or worse: for all you know that gun could've teleported them!
No, that's not right. That Devil told me they were dead. And so did Irina's family. They're dead. 'Thinking long and hard about it won't make it any more or less true,' my dad had once said. 'It doesn't do any good to just deny anything.'
We're in the middle of a game of rock-paper-scissors when the car stops. I make one final, destructive move which ends with her own paper in two pieces, and unbuckle. Irina quickly does the same, and we step out of the car almost in unison.
The woman claiming to be my aunt is standing in the doorway, smiling warmly. (One guess in retrospect is that she was trying her best to ease all of us, which would make sense.) When she sees me her arms open as if to pick me up and hug me from two dozen feet away. I'm not amused, just become almost entirely expressionless.
"Issei!" She says, which makes me somehow more afraid rather than less. Irina's mother offers her hand, and I take it. The gesture itself speaks more than she herself ever can. It's a little uncertain for her too, and we're all there. Irina takes my other hand - the one that I now associate with what happened. My left hand. Together we walk to the doorway, and Yasaka drops into a kind of squat to reach eye-level with me.
"Well, kiddo, I guess you'll be staying with me for a while, huh?" She reaches to ruffle my hair but I pull back immediately. Irina and her mother are pulled back a little by the sudden motion. I take a step forward and she smiles again. This time I think it's better.
"I'm sorry," I apologize. Yasaka stands up again to talk with Irina's mother, and Irina herself turns to face me. We realize now is the time. We suddenly hug each other and I think some tears are shed. She doesn't say anything like 'stay' or 'don't go'; she's far too understanding of the situation overall to do anything like that. She understands I can't stay with them, but that doesn't mean she has to like it either. I don't think anyone does.
"So goodbye then?" is what she says instead. It's a question rather than a statement. It opens the possibility that we will see each other again.
"I don't know," I answer, and I'm entirely honest. I have no clue what comes next, no matter how much I want to know. We're still hugging each other for dear life as we talk.
"Promise me you'll find me," she says, and I nod into her shoulder.
"Okay," I almost whisper. "I'll try."
Yasaka and Irina's mother turn back to look at the two of us, still clinging to one another. I see this, and so does Irina, and I follow their eyes back to Irina's father, who is waiting by the car. They didn't plan to stay for long, which I already know. It's time for them to leave, as soon as possible.
Irina joins her mother as they walk back to the car, leaving me just outside Yasaka's doorway. There's a moment of awkward silence rivaling that of the drive here, then Yasaka clears her throat.
"Uhm, would you like to come inside, Issei?" I look up at her, and nod, then step inside. "I've already got all your stuff in a room down the hall. I can show you right now if you want." I begin walking with her, not wondering how she already has all my things from my house.
I'll definitely ask later though. And among that are a plethora of other questions. How much does Yasaka know? My best guess for a time would be probably nothing. How is it that all traces of Irina's family disappeared from history after that day? Based on what I'd been told they probably lived almost nomadically. Of course, there was another explanation too.
It didn't happen. Yes, my parents died and I was taken to live with Yasaka, an immediate relative I didn't even know existed. But the rest? Absolute bullshit. Irina wasn't real, her family wasn't real, the Devils and my interaction with them were completely made-up. And that answer fits better than anything else, because I was a kid with an overactive imagination who couldn't bear to see his parents' death for what it really was. So I created a work of fiction to act like a band-aid, covering up what really happened to make it less painful. Here I would have lost my parents but been able to save my best friend. In real life there was no best friend and I had been powerless, and in my experience no one hates anything more than being powerless.
Being the idiot I was, did I ever once ask Yasaka about what happened to my parents? Absolutely not. Did I ever ask about how all my stuff from my house ended up in hers before I ever arrived? Not at all. I just kind of... forgot these questions and moved on. It was all I could do. And it wasn't like I could keep my promise to a figment of my imagination, now could I?
"It doesn't do any good to just deny anything."
Okay, I'll try to keep this brief. I was contacted a while back to write a story based on a plot imagined by a fellow writer who as far as I know wishes to remain anonymous. This is the result. Enjoy!
- The Toa of Science Fiction :-{ )
