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I do not own Frasier
Set during the episode 'Room with a View'
I do not own Frasier
Frasier didn't know he could hurt this much.
He could switch into psychiatrist mode. Go through the piles of paper that he had written up. Calm himself down.
That was impossible though. He was far too swept up in big brother mode.
He had spent the previous night carefully hole punching the various notes that he had researched. He had, somehow, managed to make Niles a subject, rather than a brother. Denial if ever he saw it... but it had worked.
Yet now...now he was terrified. Watching Niles get wheeled away was about as much as his brain and heart could take.
There were so many risks. Risks that could lead to a life without his brother...and his best friend. If he could have switched places with Niles at that moment, he would have done.
It would have been less painful.
He flipped through the papers, just to give himself something to do. He noticed Daphne looking at him sideways. He couldn't bring himself to look at her.
He didn't blame Daphne for yelling at him. Not really.
If he had been observing the scene from the safety of his office, everybody was behaving the way he would expect, including himself.
He, relying on facts and figures rather than the emotional truth of the possibility of facing life without his little brother. Daphne, her heart on her sleeve, yelling, crying, reacting however she needed to. Roz, the supportive, strong friend, somewhere in the middle. Their dad... denial.
How would Niles have coped, had their roles been reversed? Would he have held back? Cried?
Or done exactly as he, Frasier, was doing?
Frasier quietly excused himself and went and sat in the nearest bathroom. He locked the cublical door and sat on the edge of the seat.
He thought of Niles. He thought of his brother... as a baby, as a kid, as his condersending, wonderful, at times unbearable but always reliable little brother.
And he allowed himself to sob.
He had, of course, wiped his face, calmed himself down before returning to the group. He noticed his Dad give him a knowing look but other than that, he was pretty sure that his mini breakdown had gone unnoticed.
"Frais..."
Frasier sat down beside his father.
"Yeah, Dad?"
His dad looked him in the square in the face.
"You know he's going to be fine."
Frasier nodded once and wordlessly took his father's hand.
Frasier didn't know how long he had sat.
He had dismissed every suggestion to go home with a wave of a hand.
Not until he knew. How could anyone expect him to function? Go home and what? Pour a glass of wine? Watch television? Eat? Sleep?
It seemed too ridiculous for words.
"Family of Niles Crane?"
The group sprang up to face the doctor.
She smiled. "The operation was a success. He's resting now."
A couple of hours on, Fraiser waited with relieved patience as Daphne went in to see Niles. He felt suddenly tired, exhausted and elated all in one. He had hugged everybody, including the doctor and laughed loud and hard.
Daphne came out of the room, looking tired but happy.
"He's fine. He's awake." Her chin wobbled and she broke into relieved tears.
Arms engulfed Daphne and she turned her head to face Fraiser.
"He wants to see you...he was asking after you."
Fraiser nodded.
"He's pretty sleepy...but he insisted"
"I won't be long. I promise.
Frasier opened the door gently.
"Niles?"
"Frasier?" Niles' voice wasn't much above a whisper.
"Niles." Frasier walked around the bed and sat on the chair placed at the side. "How are you feeling?"
Niles gave a small smile. "Tired...just tired at the moment."
"I can come back..."
"No. No I wanted to see you before I sleep for four days or so."
Frasier gave a soft laugh.
"Daphne..." Niles looked at Frasier searchingly. "Daphne says you had the whole procedure out on paper."
Frasier avoided Niles' eyes. "I suppose that must sound cold."
"To most..." Niles reached out and took his brothers hand "But it's probably what I would have done..."
"Really?"
"Really. I understand why you did it."
"I thought..." Frasier's voice trembled slightly. "I thought my heart would break waiting for you in surgery."
"We've never been good have we..." Niles squeezed Frasier's hand tighter. "Us Crane boys. I sometimes wish I could be more like Daphne... to say the L word more. Hug. Say how I feel about someone..."
"Well, I suppose Dad encouraged it more than Mom..." Frasier looked at his hands. "But you know... Mom may have never been the most tactile but..." Frasier looked at Niles now. "I knew she loved me."
Niles gave a small nod.
"Me too, Frasier."
