From the empty and isolated corridor of CTU he had run to, Jack could still hear faint voices echoing from the floor and signaling the ongoing cycle of life, a reminder of the ongoing crisis that had brought him here today. They had to keep going and move on, it was their job. But this time, Jack had finally reached the end of his rope. Finally it was too much. Finally, he broke.
Sliding down from the cold, concrete wall to the floor, he could feel the tears starting to run down his cheeks in hot streams as he hugged his knees close and buried his face in his forearms. In his ear he listened to the moment replay itself over and over, a broken record that would haunt him for the rest of his life. His heart had dropped out of his chest at the sound of the gunshot ringing out through his earpiece, but his entire body had threatened to collapse when the radio cut off immediately after. It was his fault, he told himself again and again. She shouldn't have been in the field, not on a day like this, not for any seemingly mundane and completely necessary task. He should have fought Bill harder, should have convinced her to say no, should have done something, anything, but he hadn't, and now she was gone.
Too much, the words kept repeating in his head. It's too much. She was always there, always up to the task, always waiting for him when he returned. It was always her voice in his ear, her direction he followed, her presence that he now realized he took for granted. After all he had been through, after everyone he had lost, how could he have let himself make this mistake again? How had he walked past her station every day, spoken to her every day, and found a reason to touch her every day without realizing that it could all be over tomorrow? He had let his stupid anxiety get in the way, telling himself not to jeopardize his relationship with one of the few friends he had left by bringing feelings into it, feelings he was sure weren't mutual. Instead he watched from his safe distance as she lived her life, offering a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on whenever it was necessary, foolishly assuming she would always be there and that he had all the time in the world to sort it all out.
How could I have been so stupid? he asked himself, faced with the reality of his loss and the prospect of moving on. It seemed obscene. He didn't want to live in a world without her, breathe in air that she would never breathe again, or wake up to new days that without the promise of her snarky little greetings in the morning. The world seemed so empty already, so bare, so dead that he didn't think he could bear stepping back into it. Not after this. Simply, it was too much. Just too much.
"Jack?"
He sighed into his arms, the ghost of her voice already piercing inside of his ear. He was surprised t was starting already. He had done the same thing with Teri, even Tony, after he lost them. He would hear their voices when the world around him grew quiet enough to hear them, and the lull of of the sound would comfort him until the worst had passed and he allowed acceptance to take hold. God knew it was going to take a long time before he could allow himself to accept this, to accept the mere idea of acceptance itself.
"Jack!"
The voice wasn't in his head this time, that he knew for sure as he snapped his head up and adjusted his eyes to the light, the figure he beheld nearly bringing a full stop to his heart.
"Jack, what's the matter?"
He opened his mouth to speak, but his voice was gone. He gasped in a breath of air and tried to convince himself that he was dreaming - he had to be. Didn't he? "Chloe?," he finally choked out, rising shakily to his feet as she stepped closer.
"What's going on, Jack?" she asked innocently, seeing the trail of tears on his face and at a loss for what had caused them. "What's wrong?"
"You're..." he whispered, looking over her with wide eyes as he reached out a trembling hand to touch her. "But you're..."
"I'm what?" she asked through narrowed eyes, taken back by his hand running through her hair and brushing against her cheek.
"The gunshot," he said, his mind scrambling for an answer. "I heard it, Chloe, and the radio went dead..."
Suddenly she gasped and grabbed his hand with hers."You thought - ? Oh my God, Jack, you thought I was..."
He nodded, the tears returning as he muttered, "But you're not?"
She shook her head, eyes stinging as she realized what he had been led to believe, and the toll it had taken on him. "No...I fired that gunshot, Jack. I killed the guy who was trying to attack us. I tried calling in, but - "
She was cut off by his lips crashing into hers, his hands cupping her face and holding her close as he kissed her with all that he had left in him, all of the pain and all of the grief he had felt shifting and giving way to the purest of joy. When he pulled away and rested his forehead against hers, she opened her eyes wide and stared into his as her mind started asking thousands of questions that she didn't have the breath to articulate. He saw the worry in her gaze and drew back before he spoke. "I'm not losing you again, Chloe. I won't lose you again."
"You thought I was dead, you're just confused and reacting the way that - "
Again his kiss interrupted her, forcing her silence as he kissed her again, deeper this time as if to finally claim her as his. She let herself kiss him back, scared that he didn't really mean it but almost allowing his intensity to convince her otherwise.
"Are you sure about this?" she asked quietly when they finally broke apart.
His lips curved into a small smile as he replied, "Chloe, you have no idea how sure I am about this." He then dropped a kiss on her forehead before taking her hand in his and whispering, "Come on, let's go."
"But we have to get back to work," she protested weakly. "We still have to find the people behind the attack on - "
"Chloe, listen to me," he said gruffly, looking intently into her eyes, "I am not losing you to this place, Chloe. I'm not. Do you understand me?"
"But...what does that mean?"
"It means we're walking out of here right now, and we're not coming back. I'm not taking no for an answer, Chloe."
She looked down to the floor, the wheels churning in her head as she tried to sort through the mess of emotions crashing over one another inside. He watched her for a few moments, his hand still gripping hers as silence filled the air and waited for answer.
"Chloe," he said softly, brushing her hair behind her ear as he spoke, "are you with me?"
She raised her eyes and locked into his, her answer at once terrifying and exciting, but entirely clear and resolute. "Yeah," she smiled. "I'm with you."
d
