Remus eyed the dark, towering buildings in their usual row. The steady rain did not bother him as it soaked into his unkempt hair. He vaguely chuckled, thinking of the last few times he stood in front of this black gate and seeing the headquarters unveil before his eyes. He would sit by his dear friend Sirius and the rest of the Order. Sirius's house elf, Kreacher, would mumble snide (and often inaudible) remarks about every member. This annoying occurrence often reminded Remus of his often unseen admiration of Sirius. He was a Black – not a very well respected name in the magical world during these times. He served time in Azkaban unjustly while being ostracized because of his name and accusations against him, yet he believed in the bravery of kindness and honor of friendships.
Remus knew of pain, suffering, and unimaginable loneliness. His own curse, the life of a werewolf, took its monstrous toll on him greatly. Remus could not let himself allow people in his complicated, unfair lifestyle. After James' and Lily's death, Sirius was all Remus had. When he was able to break from Azkaban, Sirius was finally able to reconnect with Remus as they revealed the truth to the young boy who mattered most.
Then they had the Order – Remus and Sirius were able to live together again and keep the greater good in mind. Faith seemed to be restored once more in their lives.
"Sirius, whatever happened to your skills, dear brother? How could Lestrange…" Remus tried so hard to finish his angered thought. Though it's been two weeks, Sirius's death remained new. Remus refused to talk to anyone, and didn't even think of checking on Harry. Oh, Harry. He really did love you. The loss that has affected the young boy as well was too difficult for the somber mind to grasp; Remus could only process the pain he felt now.
The rain began to pour heavily, shifting to a more chaotic state. The black, cobbled street began to glisten as old street lights flickered. His shoulders slumped, his head unable to hold its weight high, Remus only stood. Why bother to move? Why bother to go anywhere? Remus felt truly alone. His jaded life only grew more rampageous than this growing storm could ever match up to.
It's all broken. Voldemort once more gains strength. Whatever fragile hope I held onto so dearly is fading. Sirius, you fool, you careless fool! You left me her! Why couldn't you stop it? I can't do this alone, Harry can't do this alone. We had you – I only had you. My friend, my brother. I will fight, but I have nowhere to turn.
Remus's thoughts spiraled into anger and despair. They clattered in his mind like the rain on the roofs of the neighboring buildings. He knew he was right, he must continue to fight for what his friends kept dying for. Remus simply never thought he'd be alone when the time for strength and resilience came.
As the rain kept its steady pace, Remus heard the light echo of heels on the road. His vision gazed over far to his right, seeing a small, dark figure quickly walking his way. "Leave me be," Remus muttered, not sure of the strength in his voice.
"Remus!" The airy, quick voice of a young woman cried out. Remus easily recognized the soft yet demanding tone: Nymphadora Tonks.
Tonks hurried near him, only a few inches from Remus. Her body quivered in the cold, windy rain, much like he was himself. Her hair was a dark violet, her eyes glistened an emerald shade. She kept herself slightly shielded from the rain with her sky blue umbrella. "Remus, are you mental? It's freezing out here, and in case you haven't noticed, raining!"
How did she find him? Remus kept away from Tonks since a few days after Sirius's death, much to her dismay. He made sure she was okay while she was hospitalized after the fatal battle, but only disappeared from her presence soon after.
"Go home, Tonks." He turned his head, looking back forward at the houses. Remus kept a cold demeanor, not being able to cope with the worries of the young beauty.
"Remus, you're dealing and I understand that. But it's horrible outside, you shouldn't be out," Tonks' hand gently touched his right shoulder, resting there. "Please, let me help you." Remus and Tonks both knew of what she really meant by that last sentence she so anxiously cried out. Tonks wanted so badly for Remus to confide in her, allow her to comfort him.
"I'm alone, Tonks. My family, my friends, what little I had is gone." Remus, who never shared much with Tonks, didn't care at that moment that he began to let out such details. His tone stayed dark, faint, clashing against the rain. "I don't want to lose anyone else." He turned, his blue-gray eyes connecting to the emerald eyes that were now overwhelmed with raw torment, worry, uneasiness. Too much for such a lively, young soul, for such beautiful eyes.
"Remus, I—" Tonks lost someone too that night. Though not close, Tonks and Sirius were cousins. She tried greatly to connect to this mourning emotion Remus was trapped in while keeping her love for him out of the way. It was easy for Tonks to change into and handle several forms, but to handle several emotions was an entirely different experience.
Tonks let the hand resting on his shoulder slowly fall back to her side. The wind picked up, rain hitting her face despite the little protection from the umbrella. "I just want to help. I'm here." She nervously looked down, partly to shield her eyes from the invasive rain drops.
"I know you do, Tonks. I know you want more." Remus felt silly having this conversation in such ghastly weather. He was very well aware of Tonks' growing feelings, yet refused to take them into any consideration. Did Remus have any strong feeling for her? Of course he cared, yet the wolf never wanted to contemplate his own emotions and desires. Especially now, when he had no desire but to understand why he lost so much that was so dear.
While Tonks wanted nothing more than to console her grieving love standing before her, she knew of his high level of doggedness. He would, for now, disdain from her efforts. Tonks, a rambunctious young woman, would often not let someone shut her out so quickly. She couldn't make rational sense of her growing passion for him, or what drove her to feel something the youthful, indigenous soul could even fathom before she joined the Order and shook the hand of the tall, tired, yet congenial man. A man who's been through a journey more than Tonks could ever imagine, yet she craved to learn his story.
"Remus…" As his named parted from her lips, the rain began to reign in. The heavy clatter decreased to a much lower volume. The impeding storm felt like weight lifting up from Remus' head and shoulders. He could no longer feel the rain living as the final drops trickled down sullen face to his wet clothes. "The storm's over, Remus!" Tonks let the pitch of her voice heighten in relief. She closed her umbrella, shaking the wild streaks of rain from it.
The storm is over. Remus repeated her sentence a few times in his mind. He now turned his whole body in her direction. How could someone so lively, so gifted, and so wonderful waste her time caring for a poor, old soul at his hour? "It is indeed, Tonks. I think…I'll go home now. I just wanted to see his place, before everything changes once more. I've put more on your mind than I intended to ever do." Remus breathed heavily, feeling the burden he refused to share with Tonks.
"I'm a big girl, mind you." She took a few steps closer him, her face close to his chest. Her eyes looked up, intensely connecting to his. Tonks lifted up her heels, her lips lightly touching his left cheek. Remus felt the soft lips match the gentle sincerity in her kiss. His mind and body let go of the pain for that exultant moment of her lips on his flesh.
Tonks slowly lowered herself back to her normal height. She still kept his eyes on him. He looked tired, beaten by anguish, but his eyes finally expressed a small glimmer of hope. "The world will go on, Remus, as will you. Harry still needs strength that you can offer. Not all is lost." Her lips formed a slight smile, desperate for him to remember peace.
After she spoke these words, Remus nodded quickly and turned, walking a steady pace. He knew he would have another day to get through tomorrow, dealing with Voldemort's public return, the Ministry's jaded actions, and Dumbledore's need for any help Remus can offer. Another day was going to happen, and Remus would try to remember Tonks' words. That kiss…
"Remus!" Her voice echoed in the now still night. He turned, seeing her in her typical, confident stature. "Don't be a lone wolf, yeah? I'll be around." She flashed a slight playful smile before apparating. Remus chuckled lightly, smiling. His smile was honest, for the first time in weeks. He was nowhere near healed, still feeling the loneliness he could never conquer, but the night gave a hint of promise. Remus, still exhausted from anguish and unsure of where to go next, continued to walk forward. As he took a few steps, the rain started again. The night's calm storm followed him once more.
That young woman with the violet hair, she truly was something.
