DISCLAIMER: Dick Clair and Jenna McMahon created "The Facts of Life" fictional characters borrowed for this fan fiction. Joe Connelly and Bob Mosher wrote "The Private War of Major Benson," from which the title of this work was borrowed. Mark Bowden wrote "Black Hawk Down," from which the title of this chapter was borrowed. The author of this fan fiction does not profit, in any way, from the story and that all creative rights to the characters and titles belong to their original creator(s).

AUTHOR'S NOTES: This work is the result of an ever-wandering muse with a twisted sense of humor.

The Private War of Joanna Polniaczek

Eastland Down

A dark sedan sped through one of New York City's worst neighborhoods. The tires screeched loudly when it stopped in front of an abandoned warehouse. The driver honked the horn twice. A few minutes later, the large door opened and the sedan pulled inside. An obviously agitated woman literally flew from the driver's door.

"RED ALERT!" the young woman screamed.

The warehouse echoed with the alarm, but the young woman did not receive any responses. She silently counted to ten, repeated her warning, and waited. Once again, the warning echoed throughout the warehouse and once again, the young woman received no responses. She grumbled to herself, walked over to the sedan she just exited, and leaned on the horn.

A few seconds later, a young man stumbled towards the car as he hastily pulled up the pants of his fatigues.

"WHAT THE HELL…?" he yelled, looking down as he fastened the button on his fatigue pants, "…IS YOUR FUC…" he cut his sentence short when he saw who was honking the horn.

The young woman in the crisp uniform icily glared at the young man, sending chills down his spine. He straightened his back and stood at attention in front of her.

"Captain Ramsey!" he stated as he saluted her.

"Private? What was SO important…?" Captain Dorothy Ramsey began to demand, until she glanced down the front of the private's fatigues, "Or rather…WHO was SO important for you to ignore me?"

Before the private could respond, a flushed young woman entered, buttoning up the blouse of her rather rumpled uniform.

"I should have known," Captain Ramsey sighed.

"Hey Dorothy! Where's the fire?" the smiling young woman asked.

"Apparently...," Dorothy replied in a clipped tone, "…in your pants…as usual…Captain Green."

Captain Natalie Green knew her best friend enough to know she was in a whole lot of trouble for messing around with someone under her direct command, so she did what she always did in these situations; she tried to joke her way out of it.

"Come on Tootie, we weren't really doing anything...much," Natalie joked, using Dorothy's childhood nickname to try to defuse the other woman's anger.

Captain Ramsey glared at her best friend. She was determined to hold Natalie accountable for her infraction this time, because she knew many of her subordinates did not respect her command. Dorothy knew if she let Natalie off the hook this time, it would further undermine her authority, but one look in those blue puppy dog eyes and Tootie knew she was doomed.

"I see…," Captain Ramsey began in a serious tone, "…the rocket did not launch."

Natalie followed Dorothy's line of vision and saw the rather large protrusion trying to fight its way out of the private's fatigues.

'DAMN!' Natalie thought and sighed.

Captain Ramsey crossed her arms over her chest and smiled smugly. Once Natalie recovered from her disappointment, she noticed the smug look on Dorothy's face.

"Alright Ramsey, what was SO important that you messed up the rocket launch?" Natalie asked.

"A RED ALERT!" Dorothy yelled in Natalie's face.

For several minutes, Natalie stared blankly at Dorothy.

"NAT!" Dorothy yelled, bringing Natalie out of her shock.

"That can't be," Natalie mumbled, "That can't be."

"It can and it is," Dorothy stated, "There's been an outbreak."

"How serious is it?" Natalie asked with trepidation.

"We're going to need Jo's help with this one," Dorothy shook her head.

"No way! She got out after the last outbreak and told us in no uncertain terms she was done…and NOT coming back…no matter what!" Natalie stated emphatically.

The two women stared each other down.

"Sirs! Should I call Major Polniaczek?" the private asked, breaking his commanding officers' stalemate.

"Yes," Captain Ramsey answered as she glared at Natalie.

"NO!" Captain Green countered, returning Dorothy's glare with equal determination.

"Captain Green, we REALLY need Major Polniaczek on this," Dorothy stated in a formal tone, fully aware of the subordinate in the room.

"NO…and that's final," Natalie adamantly stated.

Dorothy pulled Natalie aside, out of earshot of the private, still standing at attention, waiting for his next orders.

"Nat, the outbreak is in Peekskill," Dorothy softly said. She paused and took a deep breath, "The epicenter is Eastland Academy."

Dorothy watched all the blood drain from Natalie's face and readied herself to catch her friend. Natalie's mouth was moving, but nothing was coming out.

"E…E…East…," Natalie finally managed to stammer.

"Yes Nat, Eastland Academy," Dorothy sadly answered.

"Is everyone okay?" Natalie asked with baited breath.

"We don't know. This is part of the reason we need Jo with us," Dorothy said.

Natalie shook her head and sighed, "When you're right, you're right, but it's not going to be easy getting her back."

"Well, we're just going to have to plead our case in person," Dorothy answered.

"I'll go. You're needed here at Command to get everything in order," Natalie stated.

Dorothy and Natalie walked back to where they left the private.

"Captain Green, I trust you will depart quickly," Dorothy asked.

"Yes Captain Ramsey. I will depart immediately," Natalie confirmed as she headed towards her office.

As Natalie passed the young private, she smiled and winked at him. As he watched her walk away, his other commanding officer demanded his attention.

"Private! You're with me," Captain Ramsey barked as she swiftly headed towards the Command Center.

"Yes sir!" the private yelled back and ran to catch up with his commanding officer.

In Natalie's office, the young captain sat at her desk stunned. She desperately tried to come to grips with the news Dorothy just dropped on her, but all she could think about was her friend and former roommate Blair Warner. She prayed Blair was okay, but in her heart, she knew they were probably already too late. Experience taught her by the time they received notification of an outbreak, it was usually too late to save anyone caught in the epicenter.

As Natalie was about to exit her office, she glanced down at her uniform. She closed the door and changed into her civilian clothes. As she passed the Recreation Room, on her way to her waiting vehicle, she picked up two privates to accompany her. She instructed them to arm themselves, because they were heading into the ravaged Bronx.