"I can't believe she's gone." April Kepner shakes her head, still in shock and disbelief over the trauma of the past week of her life. In the span of a day, she had stared down the barrel of a gun, witnessed the shooting of her friend and mentor, Derek Shepherd, and lost two trusted colleauges. Worst of all, it had been her that had literally stumbled upon her best friend's body as she lay in a pool of blood from a gunshot wound to the head.
She shudders for the thousandth time reliving the moment, a moment she can safely conclude was the worst moment of her life. Now, she stands silently between Jackson Avery and Lexie Grey to bid goodbye to Reid as her family and friends weep openly and grieve their sudden and terrible loss.
"The ceremony was beautiful." Lexie whispers, as the crowd at the cemetery begins to slowly thin out.
"Are you ready to go?" Jackson extends his hand to her.
"I need to go and tell Reid's parents goodbye" she says, without looking at him.
April tentaively approaches Carol Addamson, a woman who had welcomed her into her home like her own child.
"Carol?" April chokes, lightly placing a hand on her shoulder.
"Oh, April-" Carol turns and wraps her arms around April's slender frame."How is this happening? How could this have happened?"
April's tears spill over onto her cheeks "Carol, I- I'm so sorry."
Carol takes her face in her hands "Please promise you'll come by to see us, April. Please, I just don't think I could bear to lose you in our lives, Reid loved you so much. You were like a sister to her."
April looks away, in a desperate attempt to remain somewhat composed in front of Reid's distraught mother. She allows Carol to kiss her cheek.
"I promise. I'll come to see you" she says quietly, before turning back to Jackson.
"Are you sure you're ready to go back to the apartment?" Jackson gently asks.
April nods. "I can't keep making people go up there for me. I need to do this. I haven't been home in a week.
"There's no hurry April. I'm happy to go and get whatever you need." He insists.
April shakes her head, grateful for the friend she had in Jackson. In the week following the shooting, he had become her protector, and hadn't blinked when she asked him, that first night if he would mind going up to her and Reid's apartment to pack a bag for her. It was too soon, too fresh to walk back into a place filled with 3 years of happy memories with her best friend. She had jumped at the offer from Meredith Grey to stay at her house for as long as she needed to. But now, it was time to go back.
April's hands shake with grief and nerves as she fumbles to find her house key.
"Here. Let me" Jackson takes her keys.
The door to their sunny apartment opens, and all at once, April can feel herself beginning to break down. She turns, her chin trembling, legs wobbly, and allows herself to fall into Jackson's open arms.
"I can't. I can't do this Jackson." she sobs. "I can't."
"Shh. April It's okay. You don't have to." Jackson holds her tightly, and closes the door behind her.
She sobs into his lapel in the hallway for a few moments before finally looking at him. "I need to get out of here." she says tearfully.
"Let's go back to Meredith's." he suggests, gently leading her away from the apartment.
She shakes her head. "No. I mean, I need to go."
Jackson looks at her with confusion. "What?"
"Jackson, I need to go home." She finally says. "To Ohio."
