Disclaimer- Sadly, I don't own Pandora Hearts. Maybe I can beat the author at poker?
Nah, I don't now how to play poker.
I love Pandora Hearts and recently watched the anime. I fell in love with Break and just had to write something about him! :)
Enjoy!
He brought his hands to his eye yet again. He still couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe what a fool he'd been. He'd sacrificed himself to the Abyss to change to past only for it to be ruined. His heart dropped at the thought of the Cheshire Cat. Why? Why did he need Kevin's- no, Xerxes'- eye?
Kevin- Xerxes- curled his fists. He was useless. He really was. He had killed so many people, for what? To change the past? How stupid could you get? He'd ended up killing the only survivor of a tragic accident. He was a failure.
He ruffled his white hair and felt his empty eye socket through the bandages. It hurt so badly that he thought his skull would explode from the inside sometimes. Right now it was painless enough that he could think. He wished he couldn't, because all he did was brood.
Did he deserve to be saved? He had killed so many that their faces had begun to blur together. Wasn't he supposed to remember all their faces? Was he really that evil? Sometimes he felt that his guilt and remorse were an illusion, that he was really just a wicked person.
Maybe it wasn't his lost eye that was tearing him inside out. His heart felt like it would burst- he wanted to die because of its' ache. And yet- he could smile. He had felt himself do so. He hadn't been happy, but he had smiled for her, because she had wanted it. His mind was still more fragile than glass, but he could smile.
His smile became real. She like to see him smile- so did her daughter. They looked very much alike, and Xerxes liked that. He liked that they smiled when he smiled. If he could make as many people smile as he'd killed, would he be forgiven? Could making people happy fix his mistakes?
No. It couldn't. But it could help him. It could bring him to understand what he'd done, if not accept. How could he accept those atrocities? He'd murdered innocent people for no reason. He didn't deserve to live. If he did, it was for some greater purpose. Besides, what did it matter, considering some part of him would always live on in the Cheshire Cat, whose eye stained his mind with Xerxes' own spilled blood.
Time passed. Xerxes grieved. He always grieved. But he smiled too, smiled for those who wanted him to. No- for those who he loved enough to smile for. They learned what he'd done. They wanted his smile anyway.
He met Oz, that boy with the power to change everything. And although Xerxes couldn't help but taunt the boy, he put his trust in him if only as a last resort. He'd been given a second chance, not at life, but at redemption, and he wasn't going to waste it. Oz and Alice needed help, and he would help them. He said they would use each other, but that wasn't strictly true. They were comrades. Friends.
Maybe one day he would want to smile for them.
What did you think? Was it good? Tell me by reviewing! Or stalk me, either way.
