Disclaimer: not mine.

Spoilers: nothing really.

A/N – so I'm in the middle of another story, but I had to write this because I miss them together-together (and not just as friends), though it will take some time to actually get there, I think. Anyway, Alicia is divorced in this story, Kalinda is Kalinda which means that she isn't with anyone in particular.


Alicia couldn't pinpoint when it all started, well, it started with the kiss, that much was obvious, but the roots were there long before, and now she couldn't remember a time when she didn't want Kalinda.

That kiss, yes, the one that changed everything. It surprised her at first, but thinking about it afterward it made all the sense in the world; without even knowing it, Kalinda had captured her heart. Too bad her heart didn't bother telling her that, instead waiting for the opportunity to take over and leave both her and Kalinda in total shock.

She thought about it often, wondering if she could have done anything differently; It had been a nice evening, the weekend was just around the corner, and she had neither plans nor obligations for the upcoming days, so when Kalinda suggested they go celebrate some half-invented occasion at their bar, she didn't hesitate before saying yes.

Lucky them, it was 1+1 night at the bar, and before she could even blink Kalinda had order 4 shots each, and then encouraged her to drink some more. She probably should have said no, but the music was nice, and the company was fun, and she felt freer than she felt for a really really long time, so she just kept on drinking.

Even then, she wasn't that drunk that she didn't know what she was doing, but drunk enough that she just didn't care. And there was Kalinda, looking at her, like she the only thing in the world that matters, laughing and smiling and acting so unKalinda-like (or at least so unlike how she acts around everyone else) it was endearing.

So when Kalinda hold her arm to steady her, she couldn't help herself and she just leaned in and kissed her. Kalinda reciprocated immediately, like she knew it was coming (Alicia always suspected that she could read her mind). It was sweet and soft and way too short for Alicia's liking.

And when it was over, she looked at Kalinda and saw her there, in the dim light of the bar, her eyes still closed, like she is trying to memorize the moment. But soon she opened her eyes, smiled her famous smirk and told Alicia maybe it was time to call it a night and that she is going to get them a cab.

She spent half the night awake trying to figure out why she did it. Going between dismissing it as a drunken whim, to calling it as what it was: she was falling for Kalinda. In the end, her tiredness and the alcohol won, and she fall to a dreamless sleep.

She woke up with a hangover, not surprising consider the amount of alcohol she consumed. But she had more pressing matters to attend to, she couldn't get that kiss out of her head, and she had to know what it meant. The fact that it bothered her so much was an answer in itself, only she didn't see it at the time.

So she spent the better part of her weekend contemplating the situation. Running scenarios in her mind, trying to think of all the possible ways it could go. Finally realizing that indeed, she wants Kalinda. That realization came as a shock to her, sending her to her liquor's cabinet, to the clarity of the booze induced mind.

The questions only seemed to multiply, having answered the first one "what did this kiss mean?". She now had to face a million other, "what does that mean?", "what should I do?", "does Kalinda feel the same way?", and so on and so on. It was like the questions' monster, you answer one only to face two in its place.

She even made a list, pros and cons of being with Kalinda, or at least started to make one before she stopped to think what she was doing. That made her laugh, Was she really making a list about being with Kalinda? Who's to say Kalinda even wants to be with her?

The conclusion of this alcohol and lists filled weekend though was much more decisive than she was. She kissed Kalinda, and it wasn't because she was drunk but rather because she has some deeper feelings for her, feelings which she wants to explore.

She came to the office Monday morning full of intention to talk to Kalinda as soon as she can, to tell her that she doesn't regret it, and that she wishes they could see where this was going, turned out Kalinda had other thoughts.

A few minutes after she entered her office, Kalinda walked through the door, Alicia turned to her, smiling, happy to see her, until she saw the look on Kalinda's face. Her fears were proven justified as Kalinda opened her mouth; it wasn't so much what she said, but how she said it.

"We need to talk", in a stern and serious voice, not a hint of the playfulness or tease that usually accompany her talks with Alicia.

"Yes, I…" she tried to say, but Kalinda cut her short.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have let that happen". She told her, and all Alicia could think of was "don't, don't be sorry, I'm not", but all she said was: "your… sorry?".

Kalinda nodded: "Yes".

"Bu... but I'm… you didn't do anything, I'm the one th…"

Alicia is again cut short by Kalinda: "We've got carried away, I ordered too many drinks, and we both got drunk".

And Alicia wanted to scream: "So what, so fucking what? I was drunk and yet it was the clearest decision I've made over the last few months". But instead she just nodded.

"Look, it was a mistake, but it shouldn't affect our friendship", Kalinda was trying for a smile but getting only a mild crooked grin from Alicia.

"Yes. No harm no foul", was all she said when what she thought was: "No, it was not a mistake, it was the best thing that I did in the last 3 years. And you felt it too, I saw it on your face".

"Good", Kalinda looked remorseful, but nevertheless determined.

"Now, I need to get some things done before I go to court. So if you excuse me", Alicia couldn't control the cold tone that came out of her, but it was all she could do not to cry right there in front of Kalinda (and the whole firm, thanks to the giant glass walls).

If Kalinda was hurt, she didn't let it show: "Of course, I'll see you later?".

"Yeah, sure", Alicia managed a smile.

The moment Kalinda was out of sight Alicia went straight to the restroom, locked herself in a cell, and cried her heart out. She knew it made little sense, crying over something that never was, but the heart pays little mind to sense, and her heart was aching like it was stabbed by a blazing knife.

When she finally got out, she washed her face and reapplied her makeup, telling herself that no matter what, she won't let that hurt their friendship, Kalinda's too important for her to do that. And besides, Kalinda's friendship is all she has, and that is better than not having Kalinda in her life at all.