A/N: This is a one-shot and theoretically takes place after (spoiler!) Cameron's resignation in the Season 3 finale. The song is "Feel the Silence" by the Goo Goo Dolls.
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Twelve days. It had been twelve long dayssince she'd announced her resignation. Three days since she'd cleared all her things out of the conference room. Twelve days since she'd made him coffee or sorted his mail. Twelve days since he'd seen her small frame wrapped up in her labcoat, her dark hair pulled back into a ponytail.
Twelve days of moping around his empty office, refusing Cuddy's demands that he hire a new fellow to replace her. Twelve days of yelling at whoever was foolish to talk to him, of eating way too little.
He was home now, laying on his empty bed, inside his empty house. He stared at the ceiling, having long ago given up on falling asleep. Since she'd left, he had developed the world's worst case of insomnia. Twelve days, he smiled grimly, in which he probably hadn't slept more than a total twelve hours
You lie awake at night
With blue eyes that never cry
All you remember now
Is what you feel
A few hours later, House had given up on even attempting to sleep. He sat on the edge of the bed with the phone in his hands. He dialed and pressed the cordless receiver to his ear.
"House?" Wilson inquired sleepily. No one else ever called him this late.
"I can't sleep." House declared.
"Oookay." Wilson sighed, climbing out of bed. This was going to be a long one. He seated himself in his most comfortable chair before beginning. "Why can't you sleep."
"Cuddy says if I don't hire a new fellow by Friday, she will."
"And you don't want to because..."
"They're all idiots."
"And they're not Cameron." Silence greeted Wilson's statement. "Fine. I see you're not going to talk, so I will. You like Cameron. You might even have the potential to love her, if you stopped being an ass and worrying only about protecting yourself. She left because she's tired. She cares a hell of a lot about you. She sees you, even through all the walls you put up to make sure that no one does. She understands you, and in all honesty, she's just as messed up as you. You say she only likes you because she wants to fix you, but you know that's crap. You just can't face the fact that she likes you because you're you. She doesn't want you to change, House. She just wants you."
"Was there a point in there somewhere?"
"The point is, go ask her to come back. You already convinced Chase and Foreman, without even dipping into the pay raise that Cuddy said you could offer. You're going to be miserable until she comes back, and you know that she will if you ask her."
"Yeah right. I knew you lived in a fantasy world, Jimmy, but that's unrealistic even for you."
"Okay, let me rephrase that. She'll come back if you finally let her see why you want, and I suspect, may even need her to."
"You want me to talk to Cameron about feelings? Are you on speed again, or are you just too asleep to function?"
"It's your choice, House. Let someone in now or spend the rest of your life wishing you had the balls to."
The truth remains
In midnight conversations
I asked for this moment
But you turned away
The next day was a day of hiding for House. He sat under his desk with his GameBoy and
his iPod, invisible to all passerby. It was an effective way of hiding from Wilson and Cuddy, but it had the added advantage of hiding him from the world too. The only thing it wasn't helping with was hiding from himself. Wilson's words from that late-night phone call still tormented him, forcing him to think and to face some things that he'd managed to avoid dealing with for a long time.
It was true, he realized, that Cameron didn't want to fix him. This was the revelation that caused him to worry. If that was true, was all the rest true as well? Would he really spend the rest of his life regretting this decision? Would she really come back if he asked her to? He had told himself that it would never work, that he was too damaged to ever have her, but he knew she was damaged too.
Sad like a lonely child
Broken the day you're born
I held the light to you
But I was afraid
She had tried. Heaven knows she had tried every trick under the sun to make him want
her. She'd stood up to him, opened up to him, she'd blackmailed him into a date, she'd even slept with Chase to make him jealous, but nothing had worked. She'd given it everything she had and nothing had changed. And she was tired. Tired of wanting him so much, and having him constantly out of reach. Tired of trying so hard, tired of crying herself to sleep over him. She was sick of thinking about him, and exhausted from trying so hard to win his approval. Finally, she'd just given up. He had won. He didn't love her, and she'd never love anyone else again.
And you remain
A promise unfulfilled
I ask you for more
But you push me away
The conclusion to the battle within him came late at night. He'd tossed and turned for hours, trying to hide from admitting it to himself, but it was inevitable. He needed her. He had no idea why, but he couldn't hide from it anymore. Brilliance had its costs, and one of them was that he would figure out everything eventually, even his very complicated relationship with his former subordinate.
And if we feel the silence
Holding this all inside
Everything means more now than
Words could explain
And if we feel the silence
Holding this all inside us
Looking for something more to say
He'd never been Mister Romance. Never been the guy with the chocolate on Valentine's
Day. He'd never be caught dead riding in on his faithful steed to save the girl. He didn't come with a thousand yellow daisies and a lifetime guarantee. He had no idea what he was doing when it came to romance, but he decided he'd have to give it a shot.
I don't know where I'm going
Only know where I been
But you move through my soul like a hurricane wind
We've been so lost for so long
I don't know how to get back again
It was Thursday night. Tomorrow, Cuddy would hire someone for him, whether he liked it or not. It's now or never. He realized. He laid down on his bed, the bottle of scotch beside him for company, and let himself succumb to bitterness of a lifetime alone.
And we're drowning in the water
That flows under this bridge
When you're fighting the current
You forget how to live
And I wanted to reach you but I don't know where to begin
It was late that night when Cameron awoke suddenly. There was a knock on the door and she dragged herself out of bed and went to go see who could possibly be there this late at night. She was surprised to find House standing there, dripping wet from the pouring rain that had started around ten.
"Come on in." She invited, unquestioningly. He limped through the door and stood next to her kitchen chairs, dripping water all over the floor. She crossed her arms and stared at him, prepared to wait as long as it took for him to explain himself.
At first, he said nothing and sat there, staring straight back at her. A few years ago, his intense gaze would have been too much and she would have looked away after only a few seconds. Now, she managed to return it just as steadily. He realized that she wasn't going to speak until he did.
"Come back." He told her softly, still looking straight into her eyes.
"Why?"
"Because if you don't, Cuddy hires someone for me, and I personally don't want to train another idiot to be my loyal servant."
"Not good enough." Cameron told him. "If you want me to come back, you're going to have to give me a hell of a lot better explanation than that. You didn't come all the way out here at 2 in the morning to tell me "Come back, because I'm too lazy to train someone new". Until you give me a good reason, the answer is no." He broke the staring contest and looked down at his hands. At the floor. At her faded leather couch and the DVDs on the coffee table. At anything but her. He didn't speak for the longest time, and when he finally did, it was barely a whisper.
"I need you." He finally looked up again, and when his eyes met hers, she could see that he was telling the truth. For the first time since they'd met, he was letting her see him. She took a step forward, placing her hands on his face and softly kissing him. He responded and held her, his long arms wrapping securely around her waist. The kiss was short, and when it was over, she stood on her tip-toes to whisper into his ear.
"Okay."
And you remain
A promise unfulfilled until today
"Do you want to stay here tonight?" She asked him after a little more talking and a lot more kissing.
"Here?" He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.
"With all of your clothes on." She clarified. "It's late and wet, and you shouldn't be driving." He nodded his appreciation and followed her to the bedroom.
It should have been awkward climbing into her bed with her. He should have felt strange wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close. At the very least, he should have felt the need to down several Vicodin to keep her from triggering the pain in his leg, should she move in her sleep. Somehow, he didn't feel any of these things. Her bed felt comfortable, and he didn't feel like a sap for wanting to hold her in his arms until the end of time. His leg didn't hurt anywhere near as badly as it usually did. For the first time in so long, Greg House was finally at peace.
And if we feel the silence
Holding this all inside
Everything means more now than
Words could explain
And if we feel the silence
Leaving this all behind us
When it's gone what will you say
Many years later, he would find himself holding her the same way as he had that first night, staring at her beautiful face as she slept in his arms. The fact that she was his made him happier than he ever thought he had the capacity to be. He was still cynical and sarcastic, crippled and drug-addicted, but he wasn't cruel anymore. Sometimes, he did things for her that bordered on sweet, and though she smiled at them, she never felt the need to mention them. His Vicodin use had decreased and he spent a lot less nights all alone with his scotch. He lie awake as all of these thoughts raced through his mind, and when he looked back at the sleeping woman beside him, he held her just a little bit tighter in his arms. He'd been right to need her.
You lie awake at night
With blue eyes that never cry
