Wishing you were somehow here again
Prompt for "daggzandarrows" "I need my heart literally ripped out with angst when Regina hears the song (Wishing you were somehow here again) and I need it healed with Robin finding out about it." 1 of 3 maybe 4. This started out as a one shot but it just kept growing.
It was a shocking discovery to say the least. It had started out innocent enough, Henry was showing Roland how to work, YouTube I believe he called it. From the little box on his lap music spilled out which made Roland jump up and down with excitement. Henry gave control of the box, no not box lap top. The lap top over to Roland letting him choose what to play next. Roland had chosen a rather strange song to play. A woman's softly plays "You were once my one companion, you were all that mattered. You were once a friend and father, then my world was shattered" A rather sad song if you asked me. But before I could hear the rest of it, Regina who had just joined us from the kitchen freezes right in the doorway.
The next lines plays. "Wishing you were somehow here again. Wishing you were somehow near. Sometimes it seemed if I just dreamed. Somehow you would be here." Regina's face has seemed to lose all color. "Love are you okay?" I tried to make my way to her slowly as to not upset her further.
She doesn't answer my question, she says something too low for me to here.
"I'm sorry I didn't hear you. What did you say?"
"Turn it off!" She raises her voice. "Turn it off now." Henry rushes back to Roland and shuts the lap top ceasing the music.
"There mom, I'm sorry. I should have been watching Roland while he was on the computer. It's my fault." Henry tries to calm her but it does little. She shakes her head and POOF she's gone in a swirl of purple smoke.
"Regina! Henry what was that?" I asked confused as to what just happened.
"Papa, is Gina okay? I didn't mean to make her mad." Roland looked near tears but is trying very hard to keep them from falling.
"It wasn't your fault Roland It was mine. I should have looked at what you was playing. She's never liked it. It's been so long I forgot. How could I have forgotten?" Henry looked like he wanted to kick himself. I knew I needed to find Regina but Henry needed comfort first.
"Hey, I don't know what just happened, but I do know it's not your fault. Can you tell me why that song upsets your mom so much?"
Henry nods. "Ever since I was a kid she would never let me watch the Phantom of the Opera I never knew why. But when I was 9 I finally convinced her to let me watch it. She did fine until that song started to play. She freaked out and shut it off. I never brought it up again. After the curse broke and I was staying with Emma, Grandma used to play show tunes nonstop. The song came on and I actually listened to it. I thought it was a sad song but I never connected it until mom started talking to be about her dad."
The realization finally dawned on me. "Henry watch Roland, I'm going to find your mother."
"Don't worry we'll be fine. Right Ro?" I didn't hear Roland's answer. I was already out the door.
I had a feeling I'd find her at her father's crypt. She was huddled in a corner holding a cloth of some kind.
"I'm sorry I yelled at Roland." She says after a few minutes of silence. She didn't turn to look at me though. She remained still.
"He's fine. Henry is with him. He was worried he upset you."
"It wasn't him. It's me. Just like everything is me." If possible her shoulders sink farther down.
"Hey, it was no one's fault." I make my way over to where she is and squat down to her level.
"Henry somewhat explained what happened. I'm guessing that song brings forth painful memories." Her head slightly bobs up and down. "I'm not going to press for an explanation. I'm just going to tell you that I am here for you. And at any time you need an ear to bend I will be here. Okay." My hand goes under her chin so she can look me in the eyes. I hope she can see how much I love her and that I will always be here.
She gives me a small watery smile. I scoop her into my arms and hold her. She burrows her face into my chest, still clinging to the cloth. She doesn't cry but she is shaking. So we remain like this for some time just holding on to each other.
"My father." It's about half an hour when she finally talks. It's no higher than a whisper but I hear it. But I let her talk in her own time.
"The song "Wishing you were somehow here again"." She takes in a deep breath before she continues. "It couldn't have been more than five years since my curse brought us to Storybrooke, but I was bored, going crazy doing the same thing every day. So I went to New York for a week. I saw a show on Broadway. "Phantom of the Opera". I thought I was great until Christine Daae, the lead actress come on stage surrounded by fog and singing that song. I couldn't make it through the rest of it. I left the show. But it was just my luck that the play blows up. 30 times a day I'd here "Wishing I could hear your voice again, knowing I never would". I couldn't get away from them. And every time I'd think of my, my father." Her voice wavers but she keeps talking.
"My dad was the only one who truly cared about me besides Daniel while I was growing up. He was my only shelter from my mother. It wasn't much but it was something. He was the one to teach me how to ride horses, and to fight with sword. All things that mother thought were un-lady like. And he taught me how to love. Gods know my mother couldn't show any emotions. He was warm and gentle. Even on my darkest days as the Evil Queen he was always there for me, always telling me how much he loved me. He just wanted me to be happy, no matter all the terrible things I had done, he didn't care. I was still his daughter and he loved me. But I killed him. I ripped his heart out and I crushed it to enact the Dark Curse. I killed my father."
The tears finally won the battle and slid down her face, burning my chest when they land. My heart feels like its being stomped on hearing her cries. I wish could sooth her and guard her from any pain ever again. But I know she needs to get this off her chest. And if my just holding her helps in anyway then that's what I'll do.
"Shh, I've got you. It's okay. I've got you." I rub her back and rock as best I can.
"It's not okay Robin. Didn't you hear me? I killed my father so I could curse a whole town of people. No acts of selflessness can ever make that better. I can never redeem myself from that." She yells trying to pull herself from my arms but I hold tight. "Let go of me. Let me go Robin!" he pounds her fist against my chest.
"Regina calm down love. You're going to hurt yourself."
"I don't care. I don't care if I hurt myself. I deserve a lot more than being hurt. I don't deserve you or Henry and Roland. I don't deserve all the chances Snow gave me. I don't deserve any of it. I'm a villain, and villains don't get happy endings."
"Regina enough!" I startle her. I don't mean to raise my voice but I can't have her continue talking about herself like that. "You are not a villain. Do you hear me?" I make sure she's looking into my eyes before I continue. "You haven't been a villain in quiet sometime. A villain wouldn't have sacrificed herself and her happiness to save a town full of people she once hated. A villain wouldn't befriend her once moral enemy. A villain wouldn't put her sons' needs above her own. So no you are not a villain. You are Regina. You are the woman I love with my whole heart."
She shakes her head. "I still killed my father." She voice cracks. "Why couldn't I have just walked through that damn door? We could have been happy and my father would still be alive."
"I won't lie. There are days when I wonder how our live would have been. Things may have been easier but only for a moment. Leopold wouldn't have stood by idly while his wife was off with an outlaw. And we wouldn't have our boys. I know there are things you've done in your past that you wish you could take back. But as I remember you told Pan. You can't regret them. If you hadn't of done those things you wouldn't have Henry. And I know you wouldn't trade him for the world."
She nods her head in agreement a pout forms on her lips. I would love to kiss it away but I know she needs some more convincing.
"Regina. You said yourself that your father wanted you to be happy. Now you tell me. Are you happy?"
Her pout turns into a soft smile. "Yes. I am unbelievable, crazy happy. Happier than I ever thought I would be."
I can't help but smile back at her. "As a parent I know that I would gladly die a thousand times over if it meant my children would be happy. And how you describe your father I bet he feels the same way."
"I just wish I could have told him I loved him. I just wish I hadn't been so consumed by darkness and had enjoyed the last few years we had spent together. I wish I had said goodbye." Fresh tears fall from her eyes. I whisper calming words and continue to rock her.
When she finally calms I talk. "Well why don't you?"
"What are you talking about Robin? He's dead. I can't just call him up and say "Hi dad I'm sorry I killed you. How are you?" She scoffs and I can't help but laugh a little.
"Well no I don't think it would be like that. But what about the Dark vortex? As I was told all you need is the murder weapon and the,"
"The murderer." Regina cuts me off. She looks to be contemplating it for a moment. But shakes her head.
"No I don't think it would work." She doubts herself.
"Why not? You've done it before."
"Yea and I accidently released Cora's spirit and she possessed Snow. I don't think that counts as a victory."
"Well I do believe Henry Sr. would be kinder on his visit." I smirk hoping to get a smile from her. And I do. I even get a small laugh. "Come on Regina. What's the harm of trying? If it doesn't work then it doesn't work. But if it does this could be your chance to tell him goodbye. I will be there with you."
"You need multiple people to do the spell. People who have memories of the person you're trying to contact. You never met him." She's grasping at straws to not to this.
"Well I'm sure Snow and David would be glad to help you. Come on Regina. You don't know it won't work. What's the worst that can happen?"
"I open the portal and my father doesn't want to talk to me because he hates me." The rears well up in her eyes again. I try to wipe them away before they can fall.
"I have a feeling he'd be just as happy to see you as you are to see him love." I rest my forehead against hers. I know she loves when I do this. She once told me it could calm her most hectic nerves. "I think it's a risk worth taking right?"
She looks into my eyes, hers are filled with hope and love. "You promise you'll be with me."
With a gentle nudge of my nose to hers I answer, "Of course my love. The whole time." I kiss her lips, a small peck but it's enough to sooth her fears. For now that is. "Okay. I'll call Snow to come over." She clutched the cloth closer to her for a moment before she move to stand. But before she can I kiss her one more time. "You know I love you. More than I ever thought possible."
She gives me a smile, one that only the boys and I are lucky enough to see. A smile that shows just how happy she is. "I love you too Robin. With everything I am I love you." She pulls me into a bruising kiss that I return in kind. When we come apart she's smiling so bright all I can think is that I would do whatever it takes to make sure she smiles like that for the rest of her life.
"Come on milady, we need to get home. We have two boys who are probably worried about us." I stand up taking her with me. She squeaks out a yelp but I quickly set her down on the floor. She takes the cloth and gently holds it out so I can see what it is.
"It's a handkerchief. It was my fathers. I had given it to him for his birthday when I was 10. He had carried it with him every day for years. It's the only thing I had brought of his with me. I haven't looked at it in nearly 20 years." She gentle folds it into a box with a lock. Once secure she places it back on a shelf for safe keeping.
"Come on, let's get home." She takes my hand and POOF we are home.
"MOM!" "GINA" Collective yells are heard as soon as the smoke clears. Four arms encircle her within seconds.
"I'm sorry mom. I didn't mean to upset you. I promise I'll be more careful."
"I'm sorry too Gina." Regina pulls both boys into a very tight hug.
"Neither of you need to apologized, because you didn't do anything wrong. I overreacted, I should have handled it better." She pulls Roland into her arms, resting him on her hip. She pulls Henry closer to her side. "I'm sorry for raising my voice and scaring you Roland. And I'm sorry I made both of you think this was your fault. I love you both very much." She gives both boys a kiss on the forehead.
"I love you too mom." Henry says squeezing her tighter.
"I love you too Gina. More than ice cream!" Roland exclaimed causing everyone to laugh.
"More than ice cream huh? That sure is a lot." She tickles his sides sending into a fit of laughs.
"Henry, Papa, help me!" Regina has an eye brow raised and a challenging look in her eyes. I look at Henry. With a quick nod both of us swarm to Regina's sides tickling her sides. She tries to shield herself with Roland. "Stop please don't." She laughs out and tries to run but we stand our ground. "Okay I surrender. Stop now." She gasps out. Roland wraps his arms around her neck and rests his head on her chest. She push her cheek on his head, again she smiles that wonderful, glowing, absolutely beautiful smile that make my heart want to burst with happiness.
"How about we make dinner? Mmm, how's that sound?"
"Can we make lasagna?" Roland perks up. Regina bops his nose and says, "Sure why not. How about you boys get things started, I'm going to call Snow."
"You're gonna call Grandma? Why?"
"I need to ask a favor of her."
"Oh, can we invite them over? It's been a while since we've all been together." Henry ask before Roland whisks him into the kitchen.
Regina looks at me, I simply smile and let her decide.
"Sure, why not?"
