I have been here before, right here, on my knees looking up at you. I have asked this many times before, in the same plea. I sound no different than the victims I protect. Guide me, please. I plead for mercy and peace. I ask for so much and deserve so little, please.

I kneel in the isle way just as I have done so many times before. Slowly, I stand and make my way to the confessional. Standing before it I take a deep breath, letting it out before I reach out my hand for the door. I pause, my hand just inches away from the handle.

Can I again ask for the same price? Can I enter this place one more time? Do I have the strength to confess this again?

The pause only lasted a second before I opened the door. Now inside it feels familiar, like an old friend or and irate parent coming home. I feel comfort and fear all at once. I look at my hands. Covered in blood again, on more time. Slowly, as if the world is chained to my wrist I lift my hand and slid back the cover, finding the Father I knew would be behind, waiting.

"Horatio. I was not expecting you." He studies my face. "But you seem to have been expecting me. A new sin?"

"No Father, same one. It is my same sin. Like so many times. My sin, my penance, I know them; they are more than my mere acquaintances. Yet this is like so long ago, when I was small."

"Yes you came to me with blood on your hands then too. You come to me for something you already know? Why is this Horatio?"

I need…" I look down at my hands, my blood covered hands, and I am confused. "I need to hear it. I am in pain Father."

"As I have told you so many times before, and long ago, it is not about the lives you take it is about the ones that you save. Take your penance Horatio, live your penance, and when you have done enough you will know. Let us pray."

The Father began the prayer, I stumble along with the words having no idea what I am saying. That is not my prayer, no, mine is inside me, screaming to be heard, to be answered.

"Go Horatio. Live that is your penance. Protect them and save yourself. May God be with you my friend.

"Thank you Father."