Yellow Moon
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto I'm writing this aren't I?
Gaara couldn't help but think. It was the dead of night and he layed awake on his bed, staring up at the beige ceiling. The window was open and yellow beams of moonlight were displayed on his covers. He looked out the window and counted the stars, trying to figure out constellations, he soon figured out that he had no talent in distugishing which star made the little dipper and which one made the big dipper. He sighed.
Ever since the day he was brought back he couldn't help but think. Think about all the tiny luxuries that he had, like hearing the wind scrap against the wall outside gently. He thought about the people that are in his life, Kankurou, Temari, Baki, and the most important Naruto. At first he figured his constant draw to Naruto was blood lust, the boy was annoying so he needed to die. But after they had fought he knew it wasn't blood lust (well, maybe for a little bit), it was understanding. Naruto understood what he had been through. He had experienced it himself, save the many assasination attempts, but he was lonely, he was always wondering if he was a monster. He was just like him.
Well, Naruto didn't actually kill anyone. So, Gaara thought, maybe the fear that the villagers felt was a bit justified. With Naruto it wasn't. Naruto didn't hurt a soul as far as he knew, he just had a Kyuubi in him, that's all. Of course people are stupid, instead of the miniature sculpture of the sun they saw the evil eyes of the Kyuubi. Which Gaara never understood. Naruto had actually saved the village, hadn't he? He saved their worthless hides by having the Kyuubi sealed inside himself. Yeah, really stupid people.
Gaara wondered if their really was a place where people belonged. Gaara belonged with Suna, his sand was proof. Even though they too had hated him, but that was the past. Naruto, people still despised him, still hurt him with terrible words. Words that made him bleed inside. He also had his friends, to confide all his insecurities to. Silently Gaara wished Naruto could tell everything to him. He shook his head. Naruto didn't think of him that way. He still liked Sakura, didn't he? Or maybe that shy Hinata girl. He just didn't like Gaara. He wondered if he ever had liked him, friend or otherwise.
Of course Naruto thought of him as a friend! He cried for him when he died. Gaara shivered. Dying. That lonely hell. He didn't want that to happen again, not soon anyway. Maybe, he mused, one day I will welcome it with open arms, maybe it was too soon for me.
He closed his eyes and bullied his mind to stop thinking anymore. It didn't work, everytime he closed his eyes he felt the familiar coldness and snapped them open again.
The coldness of the night seemed inviting, maybe numbness was what he needed. He climbed out of bed in his usual attire (he didn't get why people needed to change for sleep) and climbed out the window onto the smooth roof.
The coldness of night was calming and soothing, unlike the terrible silencing cold that came from his dreams. No, this was comfortable and inviting. Gaara perched carefully on the side of the building and hung his legs off the edge. The cold wind ruffled his hair gently and he closed his eyes, making a mental note to move away from the edge when sleep finally overcame him. It never did, it eluded him like his own good luck.
He just stared off peacefully at the sand dunes and down at the sand buildings made from brick and adobe. People sleeping soundly in their own comfortable silence. For Gaara, however the silence was deafening. He could hear it all around, radiating off of every surface. He remembered how the sweet silence was always dormant during the hours of the day, but rang throughout the night. A nocturnal sound.
His thoughts drifted back to Naruto. Every soft indent, every little detail was etched into his mind from imagining the blond ninja's face. His eyes that glittered when he was happy or excited. The dull grey overcast in them when he was sad. How blue they were, he would gladly lose himself into those eyes.
He shook his head. It was wrong, he knew. Wrong to think of his friend in such a way, such a romantic way. Why not? He reasoned with himself. Just because he was the Kazekage? Or a man? He felt really close to Naruto, maybe even close enough to call it love. He chuckled at that. Only one person did he actually love, and that very person tried to kill him. Even though that person was dead, Gaara had to deal with the emotional torture he had inflicted. Unintentually or on purpose he didn't know, he just always guessed (knew) it was the later.
"Please die!" That new sound rang into his ears. Although he heard it so many years ago, he remembered it like it was happening right now. Those two words, along with Yashamaru's explaination about the circumstances that he was born under, always stuck with him. He was always alone. Not anymore, thankfully. Deep down inside of him he wished Yashamaru would burn in hell, but he didn't have anything to do with it. It was his power-hungry father. Gaara knew his father was in hell right now, with his mother or not Gaara really didn't care to find out. Just that he wished his father a cruel and painful afterlife.
He sighed. He knew deep down he really didn't mean it. That is what frustrated him so much. He had always hated his father, but now it was different. He felt sorry for him when he should really feel sorry for himself since that bastard had actually tried to kill him.
Death was so cold. It chilled him to the bone at how he felt when he was dead, he wished to never feel it again. His eyes focused onto the moon. It was beautiful.
The yellow moon cast the dormant city into a yellow glow, the dunes seemed to be glowing. He stared at his equally as lonely campanion in the sky, staring back at him as well. The wind slowed and Gaara could feel the tiny sand particles tickiling his skin.
He brushed them away, he enjoyed the feeling of the course sand roof on his pale skin. It felt relaxing and soothing. Maybe another thing to help him lure himself to sleep. He knew that there was no risk in falling asleep but his body was trained to never sleep and he somewhat regretted it. Although the alternative would be destroying the village, he wouldn't do that just for a few winks of sleep.
He silently wondered if sleep was just like death. Did the coldness wash over people when they slept? Do they stop breathing when they sleep? Gaara didn't know and didn't want to find out. sleeping slightly scared him. Yes, Sabaku no Gaara was afraid of something, but it wasn't a bad thing. It only meant that he was more human now. More humane.
Still he hated fear, it was another kind of weakness. A weakness he possessed.
"Why am I like this? Why do I fear such troublesome things? Like fear and rejection? Am I just weak?" He asked himself.
"No." A voice said and Gaara nearly jumped off the building. He turned his head and saw the familiar yellow hair.
"No, you aren't weak. Fear is another thing to overcome. An obstacle." He said and smiled at his friend. Gaara just nodded for him to sit down.
"What are you doing here? Not that I don't want you here in Suna but..." Gaara asked, trailing off.
"I was sent here for a mission from Baa-chan. She wanted me to keep an eye on you after the whole dying incident." He answered.
"How can you sit out here? It's freezing!" Naruto laughed and moved closer to Gaara.
"It's not that cold Naruto. You just have to get used to it." Gaara replied in his usual monotone raspy voice.
"Anything else on your mind? You should be asleep!" Naruto asked. Gaara raised a pale eyebrow.
"I should be asking the same thing." He said. Naruto scratched his head sheepishly and grinned.
"Well, I just arrived and I wanted to get a room at the inn, so I was making my way there when I saw you sitting here all alone. Now, you answer my question." Naruto sighed.
"I couldn't sleep. It's just too alien for me to accept right now, and I... I can't stop thinking." Gaara confessed.
"What about?" Naruto questioned again, shooting an inquisitive glance at his redheaded friend.
"Suna, life,...My precious people."
"Hn, okay. I understand Suna and life, but why precious people. No offense Gaara but right now you should worry about yourself. You nearly died!"
"I did die. I couldn't forgive myself if something happened...To you or anyone." Gaara whispered the last part. Naruto seemed to hear since he was quiet. Gaara chanced a glance at him and found a caculating look on the man's face.
"W-what did you say?" He asked.
"I couldn't forgive myself if something happened to my precious people." Gaara quickly said, adding the last part.
"After that. You said something about me." Gaara cursed himself.
"Uh, well um... I need to go back inside Naruto, see you tomorrow." He said quickly blushing and tried to escape from the awkwardness of the situation at hand. He felt his arm being tugged and very obediently he turned around to find Naruto's face mere inches from his own.
"Tell me." He demanded. Gaara wondered if it would be smart to quickly use sand coffin and get away. He shook his head of the thought, he wanted to make the friendship better not worse.
"I said... you are one of my important people and I don't want you to get hurt." He said so quietly Naruto had to lean in to hear.
Naruto couldn't help but smile. That only made Gaara flush more.
Naruto didn't notice how close they were only that Gaara looked very adorable when he was flustered, he loved how the red in his face rivaled with his red hair. He felt something run through his veins 'Adrenaline?' and he leaned forward again and he captured Gaara's lips.
Gaara nearly pushed Naruto off in his sudden haste but after a while being tense he kissed back, twisting his hands into the golden hair that reminded him of the yellow moon that was bearing down on them.
Naruto pulled away for a breath. "Wow." He whispered, Gaara could feel the heat upon his lips again. So different from the cold he had felt.
This time Gaara leaned forward and kissed forcefully on his friend turned lover. Naruto seemed to enjoy it for he didn't pull away. Gaara didn't know how long they had spent in each other's arm, he would have gladly stayed like that forever but he soon noticed that the yellow moon that he now appreciated was slowly descending into a sleep of it's own, to be replaced by the obnoxious sun.
Gaara had changed his mind, Naruto wasn't like the sun. He was on the outside, but he wasn't obnoxious nor as annoying (sometimes) so he decided that he was like the moon. A bright beacon in a sea of darkness. He had saved Gaara from drowing within it's hellish depths, he had tried to save Sasuke too. As it seems Sasuke did not want to be saved from his fate by this beacon. He wanted to drown in the black swirling whirlpool, a whirlpool that he was condemned to ever since his birth. Ever since that night his family was murdered. The old Sasuke, whom protected his comrades was dead. Taken over by this stranger driven by hate and fear. Revenge.
In Gaara's opinion revenge was the ugliest word he had ever heard. It was a sense of false security. It gave a person a false sense of an evil type of hope. The hope to kill, to destroy. He had felt that once, not that long ago. By no means was he a saint but he was content that he was getting to the point where he could hear bad news and control his flaring temper. He didn't want to be in sainthood yet.
Naruto was his broght beacon. His yellow moon. He smiled as he thought of all the nights that he will no longer have the darkness creep upon him. He had a light to keep all the fears away. He no longer would have the coldness as long as Naruto was there.
"Hey Gaara?" Naruto whispered, he too had noticed that the sun was shedding it's first rays and the silence was slowly lifting away until it would be completely gone.
"Yes?"
"We should go inside and get some rest. We've been up all night and I'm beat." Naruto said and Gaara nodded. Together they slipped back into Gaara's room and collasped onto Gaara's very comfortable bed.
"Best of dreams. I love you." Naruto sighed and closed his eyes. Gaara moved his head so he was staring at his lover. He felt the slight lift of his chest when Naruto breathed. It was peaceful and nice.
"I love you too, my sweet yellow moon." He sighed into Naruto's yellow hair and fell alseep.
A/N: Sucky ending I KNOW! But this is one of my favorite storie I have written (right next to Prayer of the refugee Merlin fandom) amd I like it very much. Feedback is welcome, flamers, I really do not care just tell me what you think. I could use flamers to heat my house. Arigatou!
