Disclaimer: If you think i own atlantis you are crazier than the idea of Darth Vader on a unicycle.
A/N: I'm crazy, that should explain all. Also Weir fans turn back now.
Weir the Beer
"I really don't think this is a good idea," said Carson with certainty, "I mean look what happened last time."
"Ah, but that's precisely why you need the practise," responded Sheppard cheerfully, " I mean what if a situation arises when you are forced to use the chair and all you can do is fire a missile at your team mates."
"Fine," he agreed resignedly, "but if we get caught I'm blaming you."
"Naturally," he said with his eye twinkling, "and I'm perfectly certain Weir will too."
Easing himself into the chair uncertainly, he rested his arms on the rests and waited…
Meanwhile on the other side of Atlantis something highly unexpected was happening: Dr Weir, in a fashion that has become common in my fics, metamorphosed into something which rhymed with her name: A jug of beer. Moments later Ford walked slowly into what he hoped would be an empty room. He was thinking about Carson Becket, and how depressing it was that Carson and the author of this fic were not an item and needed some time alone to contemplate the true sadness of this situation. Why he was thinking this, it is uncertain, particularly since, as far as I know, none of these characters are aware they are fictional: we must simply presume that the author could not think of a better reason for Ford's depression and seized the opportunity to bring up how wonderful Carson is. Anyway, for this reason Ford was feeling thoroughly miserable and was desperately in need of a drink to cheer him up. Unfortunately the Atlantian supply of alcohol had run dry a few days ago and, supposedly there was none to be found anywhere. It was for this reason that he was so surprised and delighted to find a pint of beer sitting on a table in an empty room.
"Anything?" asked Carson nervously as he came off the chair.
"Not a thing" replied Sheppard glumly, "I believe you are actually getting worse, what were you thinking about?"
"A nice cool pint."
At this point Rodney walked past muttering to himself, since although being irrelevant to the plot of this story; I really couldn't leave him out.
Running up behind him was Teyla, "Major Sheppard" she said barely able to hide the longing in her eyes, "something is wrong with Ford. I believe he is inebriated."
Following Teyla across the City they did discover a drunken Ford singing and dancing merrily.
"Well people," he said merrily, you know what the trouble with Atlanteris, Atlantyca… Atlantica… this place is. Everyone is glum, especially you," he said pointing at Carson and then in his best, which was terrible, Scottish accent said, "You're such a nice young lad, until you're put in charge, when you're cheeky little bugger!" he paused, "that And everything is so hard to pronouce, pronose… say. I rename this city "water world."
"See why we never let him name anything" whispered Sheppard to Teyla
"You!" declared Ford pointing at John, " are in love with her."
He was right of course and they admitted it and lived happily ever after. Ford eventually sobered up, but not before renaming Atlantis 'Walter Word' whilst having trouble saying water world, and this for some reason stuck. The wraith decided these people were too crazy to bother with. As for Carson, he was kidnapped by the author and Rodney, rather surprisingly, ran off with that Czech dr. whose name no one can remember. I hear they are all very happy. No one noticed Weir was missing.
The end.
