A/N: Hello, friend. I felt like getting back to the world of The IT Crowd, so a crossover seemed good. I'm aware that this chapter is quite short, but I haven't figured everything out yet. This is just setup, really. The plot will be along soon, honestly, promise. I'm going to try to make it funny to start with, but there'll be darker bits, and bits of angst too. Yes, this story is random. But I hope you like it anyway :D
Disclaimer: I don't own the Boosh or the Crowd. Unfortunately.
Jen Barber sat at her desk, laboriously typing out an email with one finger. She still wasn't doing very well with the computers. Not that she really needed to. She left that to the others, and got on with being a Relationships Manager. Although, when she came to think of it, she wasn't entirely sure what that entailed either. She'd found that she mostly dealt with complaints from the higher floors, passed them on to Moss and Roy, then sent their complaints about the state of the computer network back to the upper floors. Oh, and, of course, dealing with Moss and Roy themselves. Which was what she was doing now, incidentally. They were busy in their own little worlds, not speaking to her. So she thought she could get through to them with an email. It wasn't very long. Jen liked straightforward and to-the-point.
Moss and Roy, it read, you have five minutes of your lunch break left. If you don't stop playing chess with your computer and reading comics to get back to work, I'll remove your heads and put them on pikes as an example to future employees. Get on with it; I'm fed up of your muffled complaining at being beaten by Artificial Intelligence. Jen x
She pressed send and heard Moss say:
"Oh, someone's emailed me. I'll be back to this game in a minute, Computer." There was a pause as he read it. "Roy, I think we'd better do some work."
"Oh, why bother? We're not appreciated for it. We might as well carry on." Roy moaned.
"Have you read the email Jen sent you?"
"No." There was another pause as he read it too. "Oh. Shite."
"Come on, I'm sure there's someone upstairs who needs us." They hurried out. Jen just heard Roy's mutters on the way out:
"That woman is a psychopath." She smiled anyway. Job done. Thank god for the internet.
Vince Noir was just waking up. When he thought about it, going to bed at four am had been a bad decision. And so had the many multi-coloured cocktails. And the awkward encounter with a girl half his age. At least he'd escaped being beaten up by her boyfriend. And he did get her number in the end, so it wasn't all bad. But he knew a much worse fate would wait for him when he got downstairs. Howard. It was half past one, and he should have been working in the shop four hours ago. He crept out of bed, squeezing his eyes shut against the light and the blinding pain coming from his head. He got dressed and had a drink, feeling a little bit better. Then he slipped on some sunglasses and headed downstairs to face Howard's wrath. When he peered into the shop, Howard was sitting at the counter organising Stationery Village. He sauntered in and said:
"Alright, Howard." Howard ignored him. "Howard? Oi, Howard. Howard!"
"Bugger off." Howard said.
"Oh, come on. Look, I'm sorry I'm so late. I was sleepin' off last night."
"Well, I told you not to go out!"
"Yeah, but since when have I listened to you?"
"Never; that's the problem!"
"Whatever."
"Yeah. Whatever. I've got a job for you."
"Oh, god." Howard thrust a bucket of water, a wiper, a sponge and a cloth at Vince. He took them reluctantly. "What are these for?" He asked.
"Go outside and clean the windows. They need doing."
"Yeah, great." He mooched outside and put the steel bucket down on the pavement with a clatter, dunked the sponge in the water and began wiping the window. Howard carried on with Stationery Village, but soon ran out of things to do and was driven to turning all the paperclips around so they all faced the same way. This would bore anyone, and even he got fed up of it after a few moments. He sighed and gave up.
Jen, knowing the main office was now empty, left her own office and went to make a cup of tea. She added a generous amount of milk and several sugars, sat down on the sofa and sighed with relief. Peace and quiet. That was what she needed. A room to herself without Moss and Roy. Admittedly, they were her best friends, but they could get on her nerves. She sipped her tea, burnt her tongue, and put the mug down. Yes. She could just relax on her own here for a few minutes until they came back, and…
Her thoughts trailed off as she fell asleep.
A creak disturbed Jen's slumber, and she opened her eyes, yawning. The creak repeated. Hm. The boys must be back. She turned around. No one. Okay. This was odd. Another creak, then silence. She stood up and looked behind her. Still nothing. She picked up a nearby Guitar Hero controller, ready to give who or what-ever it was a good whack.
"Hello." Something said. She screamed and spun around… to face Richmond. She put down the plastic guitar.
"Oh, Richmond, it's you. You scared me."
"Oh. Sorry." He blinked his heavily lined eyes at her and said: "Have you got any sugar?"
"Sugar? Why?"
"I'm trying to bribe a demon up from the underworld."
"Um… okay. Can I ask why?"
"I was hoping for three wishes."
"I thought that was genies?"
"Oh, not for Goths. A genie would never be seen with a Goth. No, we have to use complex rituals to summon demons if we want wishes."
"Ah. Well, the sugar's in the blue bowl."
"Thank you." Richmond went over to the counter where the kettle was, then back through the red door. Jen was slightly alarmed to see a shaky pentagram drawn on the floor and a few black candles dotted about. Then the door was closed and she was left wondering what on earth he was doing. She looked over to see how much sugar he had taken, noticing that the entire bowl was gone. That was it. She went back into her office, abandoning her now-cold tea. She could have peace and quiet in there. Richmond was just too creepy.
Not very much Boosh in this chapter, but there'll be more soon. I'd love a review, you cheeky minxes ;)
Much love xxx
