Don Brewing

Chapter 1 – Death of a Scream Queen

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Beetlejuice, and I certainly don't make any money off of this. Takes place ten years after Love Juice. Beej X Lyds, Donny X Claire, Jacques X Ginger.

June 18th 2002

"College student dies in sauna at the fashionable tanning spa & salon: Tré-Sheek. Claire Brewster of the "New England" Brewster's, age 27, was found last Friday, June 16th 2002; deceased. It appeared, after one of her "ritual" manicure, pedicure, and full body tanning sessions, the young Fashion Major had stayed late – without permission from the owner or the staff – to use the sauna. Presumed to have slipped on a wet spot, she fell into the poorly marked "Out of Order" sauna that she had turned on, and knocked herself unconscious. The high temperature combined with Miss Brewster's lack of fluid intake that day lead to her cause of death; dehydration & heat stroke."

"What more does it say, Babes?"

"It just goes on about how fabulous Claire was, and how her parents are going to sue the salon." Replied Lydia.

"Sheesh, would have never guessed Brew-miser to keel over." Beetlejuice hovered above the floor in Lydia's apartment.

"I know… We'd just seen her five days ago at my birthday party." Lydia numbly sat down on her bed. "…I can't believe she's dead." She stared blankly at the floor.

"Awe Lyds, don't let this get ya down…" His entire body sank to the floor as a puddle. "…I'm sure the Scream-Queen's is in a better place."

"Do you think she went to the …Neitherworld?" Lydia didn't want to ask about the other option; the Hereafter.

"Eh! I sure hope not, Babes!" Beetle said without thinking. "I mean, uh, we can only hope so!" He tried to give her his please-buy-it smile. "'Sides, when we see her we'll get to celebrate her Deathday!" Beetlejuice became a giant party popper, pulled his string, and shot black & white confetti all over Lydia and her bedroom.

"Beej, that's not very funny." She dusted some of the paper bits off and watched as he transformed back into his humanoid appearance.

"Yeah, I know Babes…" He was wanted to cheer her up. "…but if I see her I'll let ya know, kay?"

"Really?"

"Really, really." He gave her two red tipped thumbs up.

Lydia stood up and hugged him. "Thanks, Beetlejuice." The alarm on Lydia's Droolex went off. "Oh, shoot! I'm gonna be late for biology!"

'Speakin' of biology…' Beetle thought. 'Lyds sure did transform into one hell of a woman.' Now twenty-seven Lydia had enrolled in college with dreams of becoming a famous fashion designer & photographer. She was still best friends with the Neitherworldian "Ghost with the Most" even though he'd wanted to change their relationship since the girl's eighteenth birthday.

"Alright Lyds, I got some stuff ta work out in the Neitherworld…" His fingers itched to touch her.

"Ok Beetlejuice, I'll see you at dinner!" Then she gave him one of the wicked smiles he'd taught her. "Beetlejuice!" At the sound of his name for the third time the Curse of Three activated and he soon found himself looking at Lydia through the glass of her old bedroom mirror.

Beetle relaxed in the comforting connection the mirror provided him between their worlds and was glad that Lydia had taken the mirror with her when she'd moved out of her parent's house. 'This mirror allows me to tap in and channel my name's power, without it I'd have to wait three months before I could secure another Mirror-Bridge.' The mirror provided a vintage point to concentrate his available Juice on, allowed easy travel between worlds, and ensured that neither party got lost in the Limbo that divided the two dimensions.

Leaning against the glass he fogged up part of the mirror and drew a small heart. He'd been dropping tiny hints like these since he'd met the Goth, but everyday she grew older the little sayings & gestures began to change their meanings.

"Bye Babes, love ya."

"Bye BJ, love you too!"

'Powers That Be, I could live off the warm feeling she gives me.' He thought and watched Lydia walk out of the small apartment. "Agh, time ta get ta business." Beetlejuice said to the empty room and disappeared out of the mirror.

"Like, EXCUSE ME, I have like, a photo shoot in like, an hour!"

"Please Miss…" She checked her files on new arrivals. "…Brewster, just take a number and sit down." Pat Swivel pointed to the ticket machine.

"AH! I like can't believe this!" She ripped a number from the machine. "Like 53,023,490,681,047? Is this like, some kind of joke?"

When the teller at the window ignored the girl for what seemed the hundredth time Claire finally took the hint and stomped back to her seat next to a man who, from the amount of gore, gotten into a fight with a blender. As long as he didn't get any of his blue blood on her – she didn't care who she sat next too.

"I like, HATE this place…" She seethed to anyone who'd listen.

Not only was she still wearing yesterday's style: a cute pink button down shirt, black tie, & jean mini-skirt, but her tan had left her flawless skin an angry orange-red. Despite all her attempts at fixing her hair it seemed to fall back into disorder and she'd already chipped most of her mani-pedi.

"This is like, soooo unfair." She kicked at the cheap cracked linoleum with one of her salon sandals.

Remembering the salon she tried to recall what had happened. After setting the sauna she'd went to go get her bottle of expensive brand named water and slipped on a puddle of water some low-level employee had forgotten to mop up. She remembered falling backwards into the sauna and then blacking out. When she'd woken up, Claire was sitting in the exact same chair she currently resided in.

"Like, could this like, get any worse!" Grabbing the mirror she kept on her person at all times she looked at herself. "LIKE: AHHHHHHHHHH!"

Everyone in the room jumped and stared at her.

"I like, I have-" She paused for dramatic effect. "- like dark circles under my eyes!"

Most ghosts shook their heads at the newbie's antics. Several ghosts went back to reading their Handbook for the Recently Deceased. Claire wanted to scream once more; everyone was ignoring her. Picking up her own copy of the book she began to flip through it.

"Like, this thing reads like, stereo instructions."

"Scum-de-dum-dum-dum."

At the sound of the oddly familiar tune the blonde-valley girl looked up from the boring book. Claire's eye's literally popped out of their sockets. Pushing her eyeballs back into her head she took a good look at the man whistling the odd tune.

'It can't be…' Claire thought. '…Mr. Beetleman?" The black & white striped suit was hard to miss from space let alone from across a room. From the smell of him, she knew it was the freaky-weird Dandy Handy-Man that always hung out with the Peaceful Pine's local Goth-girl Lydia Deetz.

Now don't get her wrong, Claire would never admit that she wasn't the smartest apple on the tree, but even she understood that Living people didn't float, were all different colors, and still moved while cut in half. Somewhere in the back of her mind Claire knew she was dead. However, seeing Mr. Beetleman float into the waiting room did she realize he was dead as well.

"Like, O.M.G." Her mouth fell open. Briefly, she wondered how Lydia would take the news that her favorite handy-man had kicked the bucket. "The Freak would like, freak…"

Strangely silent she watched the man's exchange with the teller and the more she watched the wider her eyes became. Although she couldn't hear what they were talking about she'd gotten the gist from their body language. Beetleman threw a line at the woman, she rebuked, he got mad & made a face, she seemed to tell him to stick it, and he countered with… a belch.

"Yuck like, what a gross like, display." Despite her disgust Claire was entranced. As a natural gossip, Claire was curious about things that were seemingly interesting.

The teller had fallen over behind the counter and Mr. Beetleman took advantage of the situation to waltz, unhindered, right through the doors. Since Mr. Beetleman had always been a mystery to the valley-girl and happened to be the only familiar face she'd seen since waking up, Claire followed him. The room she entered had four doors.

"Ugh, like, which one did he like, take?" Claire closed her eyes and rubbed her temples. A minute later the same nasty smell from earlier assaulted her senses. Following her nose, Claire walked over to one of the doors and opened her eyes. "Like, I hope this is the right one." Her hand turned the knob and opened the door. Stepping inside Claire's eyes immediately adjusted to the darkness. 'Like, that's not normal.' She thought. What she saw scared her: behind a podium stood a large man with a very, very, very small head. Claire watched as he yelled at Mr. Beetleman.

"Do you have ANY idea how many times you've pranked the major this month, Beetlejuice? And you're asking me to HELP you?"

"Awe, come on Smallhead, this is fer Lydia."

"Mmm… I suppose if it's for Miss Lydia…"

"Lyds is really bent outta shape about findin' out if she's here." His body bent itself unnaturally several different ways.

"Fine, fine. I'll go check the records, but you're still under warrant."

'Beetlejuice?' Thought Claire. 'Like, where have I heard that name before? And like, why are they talking about Lydia? How is like, Mr. Beetleman pulling off that like, crazy stunt?'

Then everything came together to form one crystal clear picture.

Claire's mind made the mental jump: What if Mr. Beetleman didn't recently die, but had been dead for the past thirteen years? It all clicked perfectly into place. It was impossible for all her prior incidents in life to be coincidence. Before the Deetz's moved into Peaceful Pines the town had been considered normal and peaceful.

Then weirdness started.

Ever since she met Lydia Deetz in the seventh grade strange and unusual things start to happen to her. Claire had more nightmares in that first year than in her previous thirteen years of life. Whenever she seen Lydia, the girl was always accompanied by some sort of black & white striped object or Mr. Beetleman or (and this was a stretch for her imagination) Betty Juice.

"Oh my, oh my, oh my…" 'Like, I'm dead! How can I be like, hyperventilating?' Claire thought randomly. "…he's a GH-GHOST!" 'And like, so am I.' Her mind spun.

"Who's there?" Smallhead shouted in Claire's direction. "Show yourself!"

"Yeah, show yourself!" Beetlejuice got in a stance; ready to scare.

Frightened Claire slowly walked towards the two ghosts who were standing in the lone spot light. Standing just outside the beam of light she held herself to calm her shaking form. Beetlejuice's mouth dropped open at the sight of her.

"Br-Brewster?" He went to step towards her. "Is that you?"

"St-Stay back!" Claire held out her hands to stop him. "Don't like, c-come any closer!"

"Um, Beetlejuice?" Smallhead interrupted. "Is this the Miss Claire Brewster you wanted me to find in the records?"

"Yep, that's the one." Beetle shrugged and put his hands in his pockets. "Guess, I can go 'an tell Lyds the good news."

"Like good news? I'm like, dead!" Claire walked over to him and poked his chest. "How's that like, good news?" She angrily replied.

"Un-uh, I don't think so, Beetlejuice…" Smallhead intervened again. "…you still have to pay your fines or I'll send you to the SANDWORMS!"

"Oh please…" Beetlejuice blew a raspberry at the shrunken-head man. "I'd rather share my Roadhouse with Brewster here!" He gestured at the disgusted red faced valley-girl.

'Famous last words.' Thought Smallhead. "Very well, Mr. Beetlejuice." A file "poofed" into his hand. "What a coincidence, it seems that Miss Brewster needs a place to haunt, and since it would displease you – I think I'll assign her to your care!"

"Hey, hold on-"

"Like, wait a minute-"

Claire walked up to the podium the same time as Beetlejuice, and they both watched Smallhead hold up Claire's file. Beetlejuice and Claire eyed the large bright red stamp that said: APPROVED. Horrified, the two ghosts looked at each other.

"Look on the dark-side!" Smallhead smiled evilly at Beetle. "You no longer have to pay your fines Beetlejuice…" He turned to look at Claire. "…and you won't have to wait fifty years in the Waiting Room for an apartment." Collecting the papers he reached for the trap door handle. "I hope the both of you have an un-pleasant day!"

As soon as he said this he pulled the handle and the two ghosts in front of him disappeared.

"Ah, sometimes I love my job…" Smiled Smallhead.

Both screaming like maniacs, they fell from the ceiling into Beetlejuice's un-living room and landed on the crumbling couch. Beetle slowly tried to right himself as Claire quickly scrambled to stand up off the moldy furniture. Breathing heavy, Claire straitened her outfit before she addressed her new …roommate.

"YOU'RE DEAD!" Claire accused, pointing a finger at Beetlejuice.

"Yeah… no duh, Babes." Beetle began to dust off his striped sleeves. "Got anymore zingers?"

"Uh, um…" Claire froze up.

"Thought not…" He stood up. "…uh… so, um, …kid?" Beetle cringed. "Ya remember who I am, yet?"

"Uh, like yes." She eyed him nervously. "You're like, Mr. Beetleman."

"Hmph, 'suppose that'll do fer now…" He rolled his eyes. "Come on Brew-miser, I'll show ya ta your room."

Without waiting for her, and not really caring if she followed him or not, Beetle made his way down the hall of the Roadhouse and past the two doors that were already occupied by his two annoying neighbors. Opening the door he snapped his fingers and Juiced-on the light. The room was bare, completely empty, and painted a lifeless shade of grey.

Leaning against the door he watched as Claire stuck her nose in. 'Should slam the door on it.' He thought; but he didn't nor did he kick her into the room. "Hmph." He smiled wickedly. 'Would'ta 'serve the kid right after all the stuff she put Lyds through.'

"So I have to like, live here?" Claire edged away from the room.

He snorted. "Nah, Babes."

"Really?" Hope sprung up inside Claire.

"Ya gotta UN-live here." He laughed.

"Th-That's not funny!"

Turning red once more the twenty-seven-forever valley-girl let the heat coming from her spirit's core surge. Her body temperature rose and Beetlejuice found himself backing away from her. He screamed in shocked fright as fire combusted the doorway and surrounded Claire's body. The fire swallowed the hallway and Beetlejuice. After Claire calmed down did she realize what she'd done: Beetlejuice had been burnt to a crisp, the hallway scorched black, and the door frame to her room melted into an odd shape. Looking down at herself she saw that her clothes and person hadn't been harmed.

"Like that's so…" For the first time Claire had a revelation. "…like not weird, it's so cool!" She laughed.

"No it's like, HOT!" Beetlejuice did an impression of Claire's voice after his body had un-charred itself. "What gives, Claire-broiled."

"I like… what happened?" Claire looked at him confused & scared.

"Ugh… I'll have Lyds come over an explain it ta ya tomorrow." He cracked his back. "In the mean time: leave me alone."

"Like whatever…" She watched as he turned to leave.

Beetlejuice walked away and left Claire in the still-smoking hallway. Feeling out of place and alone Claire stepped over the threshold into the barren room. 'Where am I going to sleep? And like, what is Lydia? A necro-marketer or something?' She thought spinning in a slow circle in the middle of the room.

"O.M.G." She eyed the grey walls. "Like, my life- oops!" Claire face-palmed. "Ugh, forgot: I'm like, dead. My afterlife is going to like, need a LOT of help…"