This story...haha...this story is clearly a joke, and it's rated T because come on, its just bad jokes.

A friend on Elder Scrolls Online mentioned how terrible these books were in the series, and also gave me a hard time for writing fanfiction. In jest, they suggested I write something like the Lusty Argonian Maid.

I don't think they actually thought I would. But a challenge is a challenge.

So, this story is dedicated to you, xSharrrp.


ACT IV, SCENE III, CONTINUED

One-Who-Stares: Say it

Ella Goose: Argonian?

One-Who-Stares: No, the other

Ella Goose: Vampire?

One-Who-Stares: Yes

Ella Goose: My, how terrible! Always having to bite people to eat

One-Who-Stares: Biting isn't just for eating, dear one

Ella Goose: Oh? What else could you possibly use teeth for but to eat?

One-Who-Stares: In time you will understand

END OF ACT IV, SCENE III


ACT VI, SCENE VII, CONTINUED

Ella Goose: I have finally found the Nirnhoned trait!

Takes-Shirt-Off: Whatever does that do?

Ella Goose: It increases my physical and spell resistance

Takes-Shirt-Off: Truly? Then, we should test it against my new two-handed weapon, crafted with the sharpened trait

Ella Goose: Sharpened?

Takes-Shirt-Off: It increases my physical penetration

Ella Goose: How useful for your weapon!

Takes-Shirt-Off: Very useful indeed

One-Who-Stares: Not so fast, you would need to try first against my armor set, Vampire's Kiss

Ella Goose: Oh my, what a lovely crafted set! Do you think I should have such a set?

One-Who-Stares: Oh yes, a Vampire's Kiss indeed

Takes-Shirt-Off: No, no, that won't do for your build, my dear. Try instead the Seducer

END OF ACT VI, SCENE VII


I regret nothing!

Actually, I am shaking my head at this. Also, hmm...what else could I possibly be making fun of here...

Hope you enjoyed, all