5

"Shite!" Felix hears through the bathroom door and then a loud crash as bottles hit the floor.

"Sarah?" He knocks loudly, he has no idea what is going on but she's been on pins and needles since she got home and he's worried.

"Go away, Fe." Her voice sounds far away, he hopes she's not thinking of running again, he's not sure if he's ready to leave this place now that they've settled and he's not going to let her go it alone.

"I'm not leaving until you let me in."

There's more swearing and then he hears her move towards the door, unlocking it and leaning against the frame, searching his face for something. "I fucked up."

A smart ass comment is on the tip of his tongue when he sees her chin and lip quiver as she starts to cry. He feels like his breath has been sucked out, Sarah never cries. She's the strong one out of the two of them. She's the one who would kick the ass of anyone that dared to say anything mean to him. "Hey, I'm sure it's not that bad," he says, reaching forward to poke her in the shoulder.

She just looks at him, eyes red, like her life is over. "I'm pregnant."


7

"I don't know what to do, Fe." Sarah's sitting next to him on the couch staring at her stomach, he has no idea what she's thinking. He barely knows what he's thinking.

"Well, I mean, you're going to have the baby, yeah?"

Her head whips around so she can see his eyes, "Yeah, Fe, I'm not going to be the shite mother that mine obviously was."

He sighs and nods, reaching over to grasp her hand. "Together, okay?"

"Yeah, okay."


10

"Does he know?" Felix has been wondering ever since Sarah first told him.

"No, and he's not gonna, you got that, Fe?" She's defensive and her guard is up, he's not worried about this baby at all with her as its mother.

"What about Mrs. S." He hands her a mug and sits on the chair near her crossing his legs and leaning in.

"Not until she needs to."


11

"I'll go with you this time," he pauses, looking up from his painting which looks suspiciously like a younger version of Sarah, "To your appointment."

Sarah looks at him from the kitchen and nods, "Thanks, Fe. Maybe those bitchy women will stop judging me. Arseholes."

"They're just jealous that you're so hot and they have fat ankles," he says as he finishes the painting with a flourish.

"I'm so sure."


12

"Are you the father?" The doctor asks and looks bewildered as both Sarah and Felix break into laughing, clutching each other before straightening up and looking at him.

"Ew."

"Gross."

"She's my sister."

"He's gay."

"Right," he looks more than mildly uncomfortable. "Well let's get started then."


14

"You have to tell Mrs. S, Sarah. You know she'd want to know."

"Fuck."

"Little ears!" He scolds, laughing when she looks around confused before looking down at her stomach again. It's getting noticeable.

"I don't know if I can."

"You're not a kid anymore, Sarah." He thinks this is the sternest he's ever been with her, but this is a baby, for Christ's sake.

"Yeah, I know, Fe."

"Just, you can't screw this up."

"That's the plan, Fe." She looks at him again, and he wonders how anyone could give her up when she has eyes like that. "Will you go with me? To Mrs. S?"

"Course."

"And Fe?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I have a cuppa?"

"Sure."


16

Mrs. S looks shocked to see them, which Felix isn't surprised about in the least. "Oi, oi, Mrs. S."

"Oi, oi. What brings you round?" She steps back into the house to let them walk in, her eyes widening as they fall to Sarah's noticeable baby bump. "I see." She sighs, "How 'bout a cuppa?"

They sit at the kitchen table as Mrs. S moves about the kitchen, placing biscuits in front of them and looking expectantly in their direction.

"Sarah," Felix kicks her leg under the table, getting her attention.

"Ow, Fe, what was that for?"

"Talk," he says through his teeth.

Mrs. S fills the silence herself, "How far along are you?"

"16 weeks."

Mrs. S sucks in air, "Do you know if it's a boy or girl?"

"Not yet."

She nods and sets down the teapot. "How are you feeling?"

Sarah hesitates, "Aren't you angry?" She decides on.

"Why would I be angry, Sarah?" She pushes the plate of biscuits toward the two of them urging them to eat.

"I don't know, like I let you down or something."

Felix watches as Mrs. S's face crumples into something he doesn't recognize, "Sarah, love, you haven't let me down at all. Life's been tough, I know. It will just be tough in a different way now."

The tension releases in Sarah's shoulders and she grabs Felix's hand under the table and squeezes, "Thanks, Mrs. S."

"Anything you need, you just ask me, okay?"

"I will."

Felix looks at the two of them and can't help but feel relief, their relationship has been strained so long. "Mrs. S, are you crying?" He asks, shocked.

She clears her throat, "I just didn't know if it was-if it would ever happen." They look at her confused, "I just, never had kids of my own, and this will be like a grandchild." She stops suddenly.

"Don't worry, Mrs. S. No one will believe you could be old enough for a grandkid."

"Thanks, Felix," she gathers herself, "More tea?"


18

"Did you know she can hear now?"

"She?"

"Yeah, Fe, I think it's a girl."


20

"I told you, Fe, a little girl. We're going to have a little girl."

The nurse wipes off her stomach and pulls her shirt down. "How long have you been together?"

"Brother," Felix says, pointing at himself. Though that baby is bound to be perfect looking with Sarah as its mum so he wouldn't be a far cry away.

"Right, sorry."

"It's okay," Sarah's not paying attention to her anymore, "Fe, a little girl."

"We have to tell, Mrs. S."


24

"Hey, it's late," Felix says as he lifts Sarah's legs and puts them on his lap, sitting on the couch.

"I know," Sarah's reading a magazine, the light from the lamp, lighting her face from behind, she's maintained the glow for longer than he thought possible. "I can't sleep."

"Again?"

"She likes moving and I keep having to pee. I can't get comfortable."

"That sucks."

"Mmm, hey, Fe?" Sarah pokes him with her foot, impressed at her mobility, "Can you rub my feet?"

"Gross, Sarah! Why would I touch your smelly feet?"

Sarah snorts and pushes her foot into his face, "Please?"

He swats it away, grabbing it and putting it back down. Her grimaces at her, "Fine, but you owe me."

"Yeah, yeah," she says leaning back down as he acquiesces to her request. "You're the best."

"And don't you forget it."


27

"I can't believe we're almost there," Sarah says, her hands on her large stomach.

"It'll hit you soon enough," Mrs. S says, "When she's crying day and night."

"I won't care, I'll love her no matter what."

"I know you will, love."


30

"I think she'll be a football player, Fe. She's kicking like crazy today."

Felix looks over to where Sarah is, laying on the floor, a plate balanced on her belly. He could see the plate moving slightly in time with the little kicks. "Maybe."

"Fe?" She cranes her neck so she can see him.

"Yeah?"

"What if I'm a shit mum? What if I don't love her?" Sarah pauses as tears well up in her eyes. Felix knows that's mainly the hormones, but there's a real fear there. "What if she doesn't love me? What if I get the urge to leave her."

The urge to be near her is too great to ignore so he walks the short distance to her and takes the plate off her stomach, moving her up so she's leaning against him, back to his front. He wraps his arms around her and her stomach, "You're going to be a great mum. No way she couldn't love you. And Mrs. S and I will be there for you, you know that."

"Felix?" She rests her head on his shoulder and he breathes in deeply, tightening his grip.

"Yeah?"

"I'm scared."

"Me too, Sarah. But we got this."

"Promise?"

"Forever."


31

"Fe?" Sarah's voice sounds shrill and Felix's heart drops in his stomach as he turns away from his painting to look at her, fearing the worst.

"Sarah," he snickers.

"Felix." She doesn't sound pleased.

"Got a little problem there?" He gestures to her front.

"Shut up. It's not like you're the one who's embarrassed here!" She blushes and tugs on her shirt.

"Maybe you want to get a dry one, yeah?"

"Fuck off."


35

"It's so close, Fe, I can feel it."

"She's almost here. Have you thought of a name?"

"Not yet, I want to see her, you know? Make sure it fits."

"Good idea. You'll know when you see those tufts of hair and those brown eyes."

Felix shifts on the couch and proceeds to hang upside down. Staring at Sarah.

"Fe? What are you doing?"

"Getting a new perspective. Your head looks smaller this-oof!" He groans as she lobs a pillow in his direction, hitting his face.

"Rude."

"Whatever."

"Fe?"

"Yeah?"

"What if she's bald?"


39

"Mrs. S!"

Felix looks up from his sketch pad as Mrs. S comes running into the room at Sarah's call. "What is it, love?"

"I think I ruined your chair."

"What?" Her eyes widen as Sarah moves to stand up. "Oh dear. Okay, lets get you to the hospital. It's time to have this baby."

"Gross, Sarah," Felix gibes, "Always making messes other people have to clean."

"So not the time, Fe," she growls, clutching his hand tightly. "Ow, ow, this is not fun."

"Okay, Sarah, let's go. I've grabbed your bag."


"She's beautiful, Sarah."

"She looks just like you did, Sarah, when I first got you." Mrs. S's eyes are teary, "Maybe a little cuter though. I think she's less of a trouble maker."

"She's perfect."

"What are you going to name her?" Felix moves closer to the bed and touches his finger to the baby's cheek.

"Kira."


1

Felix sighs before he enters his flat, it's been turned into a place fit for a baby and sometimes he misses his alone time. But then that little girl will make a small noise and grab his finger and it's worth it. He walks in quietly, not hearing a crying baby and can't help but aw at the sight in front of him. "Bloody hell, Sarah." She's on his bed with Kira on her chest, both fast asleep. "Yeah," he says walking over to them and kissing them both, "I think you're going to be just fine."