Ten Ways to Annoy a Cowboy

Written by: SomaFan

AN: This will be a compilation of 10 stand alone mini-stories that refused to go unwritten, but also would not allow themselves to be placed into an actual plot of any kind. I thought they were either too funny, fluffy, or romantic to be tossed aside so I figured I'd put them together for you all to hopefully enjoy as well.

This first idea was based off a dirty joke a friend told me back in my highschool years, so yeah…I probably really needed better friends.

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The sun shone down upon the land with a powerful heat that threatened to wither even the most study of living creatures. Vaughn felt like he was dying under that accursed sun, which was no surprise considering his outfit was mostly black. When no one was looking he slipped away from work and found himself within the forest near the Goddess pond. He had planned on resting under the trees, because the shade significantly lowered the temperature of the air.

Suddenly he heard a loud splash that drew his attention to the water itself, and froze him in his tracks. There was a vision out of his more private dreams. The beautiful Chelsea was there in all her Goddess given glory, diving and swimming as if she hadn't a care in the world.

Now Vaughn would be the last person to say he was a gentleman, but he sure as hell had a code of honor, and peeping at naked girls in a pond was totally against it. He was about to turn around and leave when she rose fully from the waist high water and revealed her ample bosom to the world. His jaw hit the floor and any honor he might have had ran away faster then a frightened rabbit.

"Vaughn? Is that ya?" She turned to him fully, before squealing in joy and running up to hug him. Normally he would have stopped her, because let's face it Vaughn does NOT do hugs, but with so much of his blood filtered south it was all he could do not to fall over when she crashed against him. She pecked him on the lips, and the cool touch brought him out of his daze.

"What the hell are you doing!?"

"Swimming!" She replied with an innocent smile.

"Naked!?"

"Yup! It was hot and I didn't bring a change of clothes, plus the water feels really good…see?" She leaned down and splashed him with the cold water.

"Hey!" He grumbled a bit, but had to admit that cold water felt like heaven in the hot air. He could see why she had been tempted, but he wished she would stop tempting him as she went back into the pond and began a backstroke.

"Get out now! Someone else could see you!" She raised an eyebrow. "…and I don't want to share…" the last part was whispered and hastily tacked on, and she couldn't suppress a giggle at his sulky expression.

"No one comes out here usually. Come on, and join me!" She waved happily as she stood in the water, urging him to come. Normally he would have yelled at her for being stupid, given her some rude comment, and stormed off. But how the hell do you fight with the girl you secretly love, while she is naked and dripping wet in a pond of cold tempting water on a mercilessly hot day? Easy answer? You don't. He set a world record for removing an entire cowboy outfit and dove into the water with her.

The water felt amazing on his overheated skin. It was even a bit too cold. Chelsea swam up to him and once again wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing their bodies closer and giving him a much deeper kiss. He could feel himself slipping away as a new kind of heat began to grow between them.

Suddenly a gasp could be heard and Vaughn steeled his nerve before turning towards their new guest. There stood Charlie, staring at both of them with innocent eyes the size of saucers and mouth wide open.

"What are you doing?" He asked quietly.

"Um…we were just…um…er…" He was at a loss for words, but Charlie seemed to forget his original question as his eyes somehow managed to go even wider and he pointed at Chelsea.

"What are those!?"

Chelsea turned a few shades of red as she frantically tried to cover herself from the child's innocent gaze, but it was too late to be unseen and the question had been asked. Without thinking, Vaughn answered with the first, innocent lie that popped into his head.

"They're headlights!" The look Chelsea gave him was priceless, somewhere between shocked and disbelieving and he could feel his face turning ten different shades of red. Charlie tilted his head as if trying to understand.

"Like…the things on a car from the city?"

"Er…Yeah. Just like those."

"Do they light up?"

He swallowed hard and blushed harder at the thought. "Kinda…"

"I wanna see!"

"Er…You can't…"

"Why?"

Vaughn hadn't expected that response and looked to Chelsea for help, but quickly realized he would get none. She was looking at him with a questioning expression, clearly waiting to hear his explanation for this as well.

"…Because...only grownups can do it and….it's not night time yet!"

"Oh…that makes sense." Charlie nodded his head signaling he understood what the older man was telling him. Suddenly his face lit up and he started running back down the path to the village. "I'm gonna go ask daddy if I can have headlights when I grow up too!"

He was gone before they could stop him. After he left, they stood there in awkward silence.

"Headlights?" Her incredulous voice somehow deepened his blush further.

"Shut up I panicked!"

"This isn't goin' to end well…"

"Nope…" He agreed.

That evening found them both fully clothed and bowing apologetically to a fuming Chen as he lectured them on the evils of playing hooky, skinny dipping, and exposing innocent children to indecent things then lying about it. As he continued to scold them ruthlessly, they both shared a look and smiled at each other, agreeing.

"It had been totally worth it."

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So there is the first story and if you don't already know the joke well…to bad cause I am SO not repeating it… Read, laugh, and enjoy!