Insert standard disclaimer, yadda yadda.
I blame this attempt at (dark) humor entirely on the imagery of Buffy running around with a bazooka in season 7: Him. And the lack of usage ever after.
Also...I'm a little hungry, feed me please.
-x-x-x-
Buffy smiled, placing a gentle kiss on Satsu's lips. Today was their 3 month anniversary, something she believed worth celebrating. Buffy had to admit, that at first she wasn't so sure if it would work out at all, but the Asian girl had been patient with her, and slowly they had settled into a comfortable relationship.
"Wake up sleepyhead."
"Hmm," Satsu mumbled, still a bit sleep-drunk. "Five more minutes kay?" She muttered.
"Noooo...I have something to show you, c'mon get that cute ass out of bed."
"Hmph..." Satsu grumbled. But after a moment or two she opened her eyes, stretched, and reluctantly stood up.
Buffy smiled again. She grabbed hold of her girlfriend's arms and turned her until she was comfortably settled against Buffy's chest. Slowly Buffy moved them both towards the window, placing a kiss on top of Satsu's head when they finally arrived there.
"I love you," Buffy whispered, as she opened the curtains.
"Wow..." Satsu breathed out. "That's...wow."
"You like?"
Satsu grinned as she turned around in Buffy's arms. "You want me to show you how much I like?"
Buffy didn't answer, instead she moved forward slowly, savoring the moment before she captured her girlfriend's lips with her own. She slid her tongue along luscious lips, coaxing the Asian's tongue out to play with her own.
They were so lost in the moment, they didn't hear the door open. Nor did they hear the newly arrived person scraping their throat to catch their attention. It wasn't until an extremely loud explosion rocked the castle's very foundations that they finally broke up .
"Oh fuck," Xander exclaimed. "Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck..."
Buffy blinked her eyes rapidly in confusion. What the hell? With all these spells and incantations keeping her safe in this room, nothing seemed to stop people from running into her room without knocking all the time. Also...explosion!?
"Xander what the hell?"
"Uhm...it's...uhm."
Buffy grabbed hold of his arm and shook him, hoping he'd come to his senses enough to tell her what the hell was going on.
"Are we under attack?"
"It's ahh...Faith."
"Wait, what, Faith?!"
"She saw the car on the driveway, and I uhm...sort of told her about yours and Satsu's anniversary thing and uhm..."
"Oh my God..." Buffy muttered, her eyes widening in horror. She ran back towards the window, her heart sinking in her chest at the thought of what she would find. "Oh shit," she hissed as she saw the burning wreckage of the brand-new corvette she had bought a few days ago.
On the driveway, Faith was leering at her, a satisfied expression on her face. "Heya B, how ya liking my anniversary present to you?"
"You...I can't believe you..." Buffy stuttered, her hands clenching and unclenching. She had broke up with the former rogue slayer just before hooking up with Satsu, and Faith had been pissed ever since. Still didn't give her the right to go blowing up cars with a...a bazooka?!
"What the...hey! That's mine!"
Faith grinned as she turned the Bazooka around, and aimed it at the general direction of Buffy and Satsu. "Well...you're about to get it back."
"Oh shi..."
