Lily
What can I say about James Potter? He thinks he's the greatest thing that ever walked that planet. Not that he's ever done anything notable or worth praise, he just thinks he's amazing. And why does he think that? Oh I don't know. It's not like he lead an expedition to Mars and begun colonization on all the outer planets when he was a child. No, nothing like that. He just arrived at Hogwarts in first year thinking he was fan-freaking-tastic.
And sometimes he comes out with the stupidest things. Once I asked him how he could walk around with his head held so high all the time like nothing could touch him. And you know what he said? 'Because I know that I've done the greatest thing a man can do. I fell in love.' Sometimes he just says things like that and you have to stop and think for a second, did James Potter just actually say that? And then he'll go straight ahead and abuse my bewilderment by getting close enough to kiss me while I'm distracted. That's when you can be sure that James Potter actually said that.
And yet although he's a complete dufus sometimes and we've had our rough patches, rough being the understatement of the century, I still managed to work out that I loved him. And I know that sounds stupid, how topsy turvy would the world have to have been for Lily Evans to stop hating James Potter, but just hear me out for a sec. Maybe when I'm done you'll understand how wrong I was.
Either that or you'll think I'm insane.
Maybe a bit of both.
'I hate him. I swear to God, I hate him.' I was close to hyperventilating I was so mad. The walls of the corridors appeared red as I stormed through them, frightening first years as I went.
'Calm down, Lily. They were just a few flowers.' One of my best friends Jesse struggled to keep pace beside me as I strode as far away from the Gryffindor corridor as I could. She gestured non-chalauntly as she spoke, clearly not seeing why I was so angry.
'Just a few? Just a few? The entire dorm was filled with them! I couldn't even see the floor, Jess! And then he was waiting when I came down. Eugh! I cannot stand this anymore. I can't. I quit!' I threw my hands up in the air in frustration.
Let's just get this straight. I hate Valentines' Day. With a passion. And not for the reasons you might think. The people who normally hate this oh so joyous of holidays have silly reasons like the fact that they're always alone or that it's not a real holiday or they have to spend money. And honestly, I didn't actually hate it before I came to Hogwarts. Before I met one James Potter. Since then this day has been nothing but an absolute pain. First year it was dying the lake red and spelling my name in, you guessed it, water lilies. Second year my text books sung love songs or recited poems every time I opened them. Third year it was singing animals following me around. Fourth year, heart shaped chocolates rained from the ceiling. Fifth year I got a love note delivered to me by every single owl in the owlery. Sixth year I think he ran out of ideas and merely followed me around in a suit of armor offering me rides to my classes on his white horse. After sixth year I expected it all to stop. I thought maybe the yelling I gave him would have dissuaded him from trying again. And up until ten minutes ago I was sure that I was freed of the Valentines' Day torment. That was until I walked into the Seventh Year Girls Dorm to find the entire room filled to the brim with roses. Roses of all colors too. Yellow for friendship. White for innocence and purity. Pink for adoration. Purple for enchantment. Orange for passion. And lastly red for love. That's what the cards said at least. And then when I tried to escape the suffocating aroma of the thorned flowers I go down the stairs to see none other than James Potter grinning at me. Grinning. Imagine the nerve of that boy. To almost crush me under the weight of a million or so flowers that I don't even know how he got up there, by the way, and then to stand there grinning like it was the greatest thing a person could do. So naturally I stormed off.
I know it seems a little harsh but what was I supposed to do?
'You should have at least stayed to hear the poem he wrote you. It was so sweet. He was so proud of it. He was showing it off to everyone. It was kind of cute, Lily.' That was the only problem with Jess. She was the best friend I'd ever had but she was a hopeless romantic. Not that she'd ever tell her guy friends that but she shows that side to me all the time. And that, in and of itself, isn't a problem. But she seems to think, along with almost everyone in the entire world except me, that Potter and I belong together. She falls for his gambit as much as everyone else does.
'Why don't you marry him then? I'm sure the two of you would be perfectly happy together. You could write each other sappy poems and show each other off to your friends like poodles. It'd be great.' I couldn't help but dip my statement in sardon before delivering it to her. I just couldn't stand it when people got all gooey over Potter's act.
'You know very well why. Besides, you'd get jealous.' She replied with a wink, leaving me to scowl at her as she turned away. 'I've got to get to Runes now, babe. See you.' She chuckled slightly as she walked off in the opposite direction to my Potions class.
I did know very well why she wouldn't even consider Potter as a possible partner. It was all because of damn Sirius. It always comes back to the Marauders doesn't it. They're like magnets for trouble. She and Sirius had known each other since they were kids. I don't even know how they managed it. What with her being a muggle born and all. I never really knew the whole story of how they hid their friendship from his parents but they found ways. And he loved her. Boy did he ever. Completely platonically of course. But then things got all kinds of messy. And I honestly didn't quite understand it all really.
Sometimes I wished though that things between her and Sirius weren't so complicated so she could convince Potter to fall for her and then I would get some peace and quiet. No such luck there yet.
I was so busy plotting to help Jess get over Sirius and to put moves on Potter that I, quite literally, walked into the man of the hour, Potter himself. I hit his chest head on and bounced back a little. A little too much maybe. I could feel myself stumbling backward when his strong arms wrapped around my waist to stop me from falling.
What? I can call him strong if I want. He is. It's merely an objective observation.
I was saved from toppling to the ground but my books weren't as fortunate. My text and exercise books all fell to the floor, scattering papers all about the corridor. Potter bent down and started helping me to collect them all. Something was up. He was moving slowly and he wouldn't look at me. He just wasn't acting like Potter. Once he'd picked up all that he could he handed them to me, the usual glint in his eye seemed to have been smote, and smiled weakly.
'I, urhm, I took the liberty of removing the flowers from your room for you. They won't bother you again.' He looked straight at me but something seemed to be missing. Something important and Potter-some about him was gone.
'Thanks, I guess.' I half whispered, not knowing quite what to say.
He stood up and walked off without another word. It was then I realized that he was supposed to be in Potions with me but he was still walking away.
'James!' I called after him but there was no response. He turned the corner at the end of the hall and was gone.
I walked into the classroom and sat in my usual seat. The seat he normally occupied next to me, his perfect vantage point for annoying me, remained empty. I welcomed the change of pace at first. It was nice. I could use up the whole desk to take notes. I didn't have to be constantly supervising to make sure a certain someone didn't cut his finger off by accident. Again. But halfway through the lesson I felt this strange sense of disappointment. I realized I hadn't laughed the whole session. I always laughed when Potter was there. Whether I was laughing at him or with him it didn't really matter. I shook my head to clear myself of the momentary insanity.
And then I heard something just over the bubbling of cauldrons that made my heart sink. Lupin and Black talking behind me about James' display this morning. Or rather, my display.
'Oh man, you weren't there to see his face though, Moons. He was so disappointed. He thought he finally had it pegged. He thought he had her for sure. But typical Evans, he tries to give her everything he's got in him and she cuts him down. Do you know how many girls would kill for that? I mean, even Jess was saying how sweet it was. Jess! Remind me to put that one in the play book for when the time is right.' Sirius obviously didn't know I could hear him. Or maybe he did and was trying to make me feel guilty. Either way it was working.
'I saw him afterwards. He looked dead. I think he's given up this time. I really do. He always said this year was his last shot and he didn't know what he'd do if he blew it.' Lupin was somewhere between sympathetic and grateful when he mentioned giving up.
'I don't know. He's a persistent bugger, our Prongsie. He'll pull through. I'll go check in the room later, see if he's hiding out there. If not I might hang out there for a little bit.' Sirius seemed completely unphased by what Lupin was suggesting.
I couldn't really stand to hear much more of what they had to say, if there was anything more at all, so I packed up my things, told the professor I was going to the infirmary and left.
When I returned to my dorm, after fabricating ailments to madam Pomfrey, the room was indeed bare and flowerless. Not that I'd expected otherwise but I was shocked that Potter had told the truth. Potter. My thoughts turned to everything that Remus and Sirius had said. And to his face in the corridor. And then I realized that I didn't even look at him this morning before I stormed off. I felt terrible. How could I be that mean to another human being? I guess I'd just never seen him as anything else but Potter. And no matter how many times I'd turned him down or insulted him he'd never seemed even minutely phased. Until now. He'd acted like it was all some big joke. And maybe in turn I thought that too. He acted like he was impervious. And maybe I thought he was.
I needed to go find him. I needed to explain. I needed to say I was sorry for hurting him. I needed to say I was sorry for never having said sorry before.
Wait. Apologize? To James Potter? Are you nuts? No. Stop. Pause. Halt. Desist. He'll get way to much enjoyment out of this. Don't give him the satisfaction.
Shut up, Pride. I'm leaving.
I left a note for Jesse on the end of her bed. It simply said 'I am so stupid.'
I left all of my things behind and quickly left the room. I was on a Potter Hunt.
