Disclaimer : I don't own any thing .
She opened the door to her house a little disappointed when she looked around and didn't smell any delicious smells coming from her kitchen or received a welcome home kiss from her husband .
She took off her jacket and stretched on the couch yawning feeling exhausted after long tiring work day although she didn't really do any thing but paper work , glued to her desk except for the constant visits to the restroom .
She looked at her growing belly and gave it a soft pat with a smile .. she was four months pregnant and as amazing the experience was in a way it was a exhausting in another way not that she was complaining ..she was ready to bear any thing just to have her babies safely delivered .
At the beginning she and Jane had agreed on not knowing the gender of the baby but after the doctor told them that they were expecting Twins ..they decided that they should know in case they were going to have the two genders to prepare the nurseries and vary the colors which turned out to be good thinking .
They hadn't decided on the girl's name yet but they agreed to name the boy Charlie ..it was one of the few names that sounded good with Jane beside that it was the masculine form of Charlotte .
She smiled as she remembered the many funny names Jane came up with but when the clock ticked she frowned not pleased that he was late but after all she excused him ..he had been working really hard to build their house to finish it before the kids arrived but he was overdoing it and she was afraid he might get sick or some thing after all as strong as he was she had never seen him one to do much hard work , but she had called her brother Stan to ask him if he knew good workers to help Jane a little and he suggested a few names and said that he would be glad to handle it himself and come to help but not until the next week because he yet had some job to finish before he would be free to help .
She looked forward to have family close to them again because she didn't want to keep her distance from them again now that every thing was good and because Jane needed it and their upcoming babies too .
She suddenly felt hungry and went into the kitchen to find some thing to eat when she saw the covered dish of smashed potato and chicken she grinned ..he was so thoughtful and attentive to her every whim and need and she didn't know if it was possible to fall more in love with him .
She was going to eat when she heard dog parking .. it was the voice of their dalmation dog Victor .. she hadn't exactly agreed to have a dog but it just came from the cabin one day with Jane .
' I just fed him once and now he won't leave me alone and our babies would love the dog especially at the new place beside that it's amazing hunter and guard I will feel better if our babies had one ' he said and gave her that gorgeous lost puppy look and the fact that the three legged dog was so endearing , she decided to let it stay .
She opened the back door to the dog that was still parking frantically and she saw no sign of Jane ..did the dog run all the way from the cabin and she gasped at it's look as she looked closer and went on her knees to check it .
The dog was covered in blood and as she searched for a wound and found none she knew who that blood belonged to and felt sick .
She called Jane on the way to the cabin but no one answered and she decided to stay calm and called Cho ' I think that Jane is hurt ' that was what she said and he told her that he would send an ambulance and meet them at the Cabin .
The dog jumped from the car as soon as she stopped and went inside , she ran as fast as a woman in her condition could holding her cross trying not to jump to any conclusions or break down .
And there he was inside lying lifelessly on the floor his vest covered in blood and her first thought as she froze there for a second was ' Please , don't be dead ' .
She knelt beside him carefully and extended a shaken hand towards his neck to check his pulse .
At the first touch she didn't feel any thing and she was about to scream but then she felt it so weak under her fingers and she sighed and let relief tears drop on her cheeks as she took off her Jacket and pushed the wound in his chest from a shot with all her strength focusing on him ..she could panic and lose it later after they saved him but she couldn't still block the thoughts away ..where was the damn ambulance ? what if they were too late ?what would she do if she lost him ?.
'No ' she yelled out loud just to push the thought away ..because she wasn't going to lose him ..he wouldn't leave her again ..that's what he said and she had believed him ..he had to keep his promise ..she desperately needed him .
' Please stay .Jane .. we need you .. I love you .you're going to be fine..you're going to be fine ' she sobbed pushing harder trying to pain him to see some reaction but he was out cold .
That was when she felt a pair of hands grabbing her shoulders trying to take her away from him and she fought them screaming .. it was all blur and fuzzy when she felt her self being shaken up and she snapped out of it 'Cho ' she whispered shaking knee weak only his hold of her shoulders keeping her straight when she looked towards Jane she couldn't really see him because there were some people hovering over him and her mind didn't seem to be working at all ..who the hell were those people or what were they doing to Jane and why was Cho looking at her like that ..she never saw him so worried .
'I think she is in shock ' she heard The paramedic say and Cho nodded but then she saw the people pulling Jane over a gurney and taking him away , she fought Cho's and the paramedic's grip to follow him .
' It's alright Lisbon .. I will take you to the hospital with him ..they don't have space in the ambulance ' Cho looked to the paramedic who nodded and they helped her out and into the car .
It was some time in the car she snapped out of the fuzzy bubble that engulfed her and started crying ' Cho is he going to die ?'
'I don't know that but i know that he is a fighter ' he said and looked sincere though she could see some fear in his deep black eyes and it did nothing to calm her down .
…..
She watched them working on Jane through the glass window and she hated how helpless she felt .. and she wondered for a brief moment where would Jane be now and if he was some where between life and death ..and he had the choice to join his dead family again or them .. which family would he choose ?
But then she felt sick and pushed the thought away .. he would chose the life again ..and she said a silent prayer for him to be strong enough ..to find his way back ..to win the fight for life .
But all her hopes crashed down when she saw the flat line on the heart monitor and heard those nasty words ' His heart stopped 'one of the nurses yelled .
And in that moment she lost the stray of hope that kept her straight and her knees gave up .. she couldn't handle it and she lost conscious her mind looking for a sanctuary away from this horrible reality .
…
' How is she now ?' asked Abbot ..when he left two months ago to start his new Job in DC he hadn't realized he would be back again so soon to walk in one of his friends funeral .
'she says she is ' Said Cho and Abbot nodded in understanding .
' Did you get him ?'
'Yes . he was under drugs effect and all he wanted was the money but some thing startled him and …he said he didn't want to kill any body just some money '.
They had all watched Teresa carefully through the funeral waiting for her to pass out or have a nervous break down but to every body's surprise she looked calm too calm to be good or healthy and they all knew what was behind that mask but no one really dared to talk her into the core of the matter and they just expressed their sorrow and condolences instead .
Vanpelt begged her to let her stay with her until she gave birth and could take care of herself but Lisbon refused her offer politely because it was months forward and she couldn't take Vanpelt from her home and children that long so She let her stay just to help her through the funeral preparations and couple of days after and then Lisbon insisted that she should take Wayne and go back home .
But her brothers Stan and Jimmy refused to leave and decided that they were going to finish the house for her and for that she was grateful .. Anne and Tommy couldn't stay because of her study and his work .
' Are you ready Teresa ?' asked Jimmy and she stepped inside the house and it was beautiful ..she had given him Jane's notes and drawings ..even ordered for the furniture he had marked in the catalogues ..it was every thing he had ever wanted ..his dream house .
They helped her move along with Wiley and Cho and she managed to convince them that she didn't need their help any longer and that she was perfectly fine .
She was glad to be alone again ..since he died she wasn't allowed to be alone always some one with her a family or friend but now she was in their house and for the first time she relished in the peace and quietness and in the loneliness of her bed room wearing Jane's shirt and clutching to his coats smelling them letting herself think about him and miss him rubbing her stomach for comfort ' I need you babies ..i will die without you ..your mum need you ' she cried .
They were the only reason she hadn't broken own or swallowed a mouthful of pills when the pain twisted her guts .. She Couldn't do that to Jane's babies ..she needed to be strong for them ..his soul would never rest in peace unless they were safe and she knew she couldn't give up on the last part she had of him ..they were her hope and motive to walk and eat and live .. she didn't know what she would do without the father of her children and how she would take care of twins alone ..she didn't know what to do but then she always heard Jane's voice telling her that she would be a great mother and that he would always be on her side to guide .
She was surprised when the door knocked one day to find a man in his sixties in a shiny suit giving her his condolences .
And as they sat in her living room drinking tea he told her that he was Moor Dawson ' Mr Jane's lawyer '.
She was really surprised and at the beginning she told him that he was wrong but he argued and gave her a paper with Jane's sign on it ..Dammit it was his hand writing ..she collected her composure quickly and listened to him .
' I know it could be surprising ..I was Mr Jane's lawyer almost twenty years ago when he was still a psychic ..and the last I heard of him before he called me was when I knew he was admitted to a psychiatric ward .. after that I didn't hear of him until five months ago ..i suppose that was two months before the accident and I was so happy to know what he had achieved in his life and he seemed really happy but you know he was a smart man and didn't like to take any chances so he gave me his will and asked me to take care of the financial matters in case he died before he should .. he said you wouldn't be thinking of such things and he needed to secure you and his children financially '.
Lisbon was hearing him eyes wide and mouth open her mind still registering all of those information but she had to say that the man looked kind and had a calming voice and she sensed his honesty and sorrow so let him continue till the end .
' well . Mr Jane left you two and half million dollars in different offshore bank accounts which should be easily retrieved beside to his Malibu house which he asked me to sell and although it would be sold for less than it's real value but there is nothing I could do with the violet history of the house ' the man looked at her briefly and stopped talking for a second and took a deep breathe .
' I know it must be overwhelming for you ..so let me take care of every thing that's why he called and paid me anyway but I should assure you that you would have enough to have enough to live in prosperity for the rest of your lives '.
That night she Stared at one Jane's photos for so long thinking .. was he ever going to stop surprising her even after his death .. had she ever really understood him or figured him out completely .the answer was easy ..no .
But she didn't feel really angry because of another thing he kept away from her but her heart swelled with love for him .. he had been thinking about their future taking care of them ..the great family man he was already thinking about the his kid's college trust funds and wellbeing although she would have prefered a letter from him or another frog but again he hadn't planned on leaving so soon she had no doubt he would have wrote her a thousand letter if he knew .
…
Her dog became her only companion and she cried every time she saw sadness in it's eyes realizing that it missed it's master too .. it was with him when he was shot and tried to help him ..she was sure the kids would love Victor too .
When she felt the pain of labor for the first time .. she was grateful that she had prepared her bag before and as soon as the contracts began she drove to the nearest hospital .
They told her that she still had some time and it gave her a chance to fill the form and call her brothers and the team .
And as she went into labor and the pain started crying and almost gave up she could imagine Jane taking her hand commanding her to breathe ..she needed to be strong ..she could do it for him .
She had beautiful girl and boy .. they had Jane's blond curls and her eyes .. she called them Lea and Charlie Patrick Jane and prayed Jane would love the girl's name but he was a star wars fan so she supposed he would approve .
It was very exhausting ..taking care of the twins alone and for the first months she was miserable and she lost count on how many times she fell on the ground and cried ..thinking she was a terrible mother , called Patrick's name in desperation cursing him for leaving her alone then crying harder knowing it wasn't his fault and prayed for strength .
It was an emotional roller coaster but she was strong enough to pass through it successfully with some help from friends and a love that fueled her determination .
….
After the maternity leave was over she wasn't sure if it would be a good idea to leave the babies .. like a lot of mothers she suffered from the separation problem and it was even harder for her since they were all each other had now .
Cho told her that she could work part time and use the FBI's nursery and she decided to give it a try .. maybe spending some time outside the house would be better for her mental health .
She met a new team member although she wasn't happy about it but she knew that Cho was short handed .
' Daniel Stark ' that was his name ..he was a little older than her ..divorced and definitely handsome with a shiny smile and showed interest in her since the first time they met .
Obviously he was told all about Jane and her new status as a widow by the team so he wouldn't mention Jane or use his couch or use his cup .. anything that concerned Jane's memory that would pain her .
He was nice at the beginning ..that's what they all thought but after a while he started flattering her and commenting on her looks ..hitting on her and she did every thing she could to tell him indirectly that she wasn't interested and if he was smart enough he would have known that from the ring she never stopped wearing but some people were just plain clueless that it annoyed her , how some men looked at her now thinking that just because she was a widow it meant she would be an easy target .
She could handle it until one time he asked her out directly and when she refused politely he told her that she shouldn't stop her life just because her husband died and she knew he was completely a bastard when he told her that if she went out with him he would make her forget her husband's name completely .
She didn't know when did she punch him or felt wiley and Cho stopping her from launching at him then she regained her composure ' You are not even half the man he was ..don't you dare even say his name again 'she hissed then left the building and took a seat on a bench in the nearest park ..it was when she saw a blond boy running and playing with melting ice cream in his hand ..she smiled ..they were those small things that always told her that he was still there ..she wasn't really alone .
…
' Cho , I need your recommendation to support my transfer to the new training unit ' she said and Cho looked a little surprised .
'Lisbon if this is about Stark , he had already asked for transfer after the scene and the punch ..you really scared the Jerk '.
' no ..it's not because of that but I've been thinking and as much as I like the place here and working with you and Wiley .. It's not suitable for me any longer .. I have the babies to think about now and I am all they have ..what would they do I got shot .. I need the desk work and lower working hours ..i need to be there for them '.
Cho couldn't argue with that because she was right and he did every thing he could to make sure she got the job .
…
It was an ordinary day ..shinny morning and birds singing and she left the house then took a moment to breathe and let the sun warm her skin .. she smiled remembering how much Jane loved the sun and air and she wondered if he had ever pretended to be a boy scout ..it would have explained his obsession with nature shows and picnics .
She watched the kids go with a cry of happiness to start their first day at school then drove to her work and as soon as she arrived ..it started raining paper work and when she was finally close to the end she heard a knock on her door then a familiar voice calling her name .
'Pike ?' she said a little surprised at the sudden appearance ..she hadn't seen him for about seven years or more but she had heard a few years ago that he had got married which made her really happy for him .
' Teresa ..it's been a long time and I was here for meeting so I thought I might come and say hi .is that okay ?' he said a little unsure and she quickly assured him that it was ok .. after all what happened between them was along time ago now and she really hoped that it left no grudge on his side .
' Do you want to go get some coffe and catch up ?' he asked and she didn't know how she felt about it ..they were never friends just a short relationship that ended with a plane turbulence and a phone call but being her polite self she nodded and let him take her to the next coffe shop .
' So how are you doing ?' he asked and she breathed heavily ..she wished just nobody asked her that again ..she had been asked that a thousand times and all she wanted was for people to stop asking stupid questions even if it was in good deed .
She smiled ' Fine and you ..i heard you got married .congratulations ' .
He smiled a smile that didn't really reach his eyes ' Yeah .thanks , her name is Darla ..she is an artist '.
She wasn't feeling comfortable ..he didn't seem happy and now he was here to add to her old guilt for dumping him for Jane and that was the last thing she needed in her life so she changed the subject .
' So any kids ? ..today is my kid's first school day ' she said cheerfully and he smiled ' No kids , but good for you Teresa ..it must have been hard '.
Oh god .please don't go there ' I am sorry I couldn't come to the funeral ' he said and she nodded ' it's alright '.
' can I ask you a question .. how did you do it ..i mean after he left .how could you let go of him '.
She nervously played with her ring just like Jane used to do then swallowed a lump in her throat and it seemed to have dawned on him ' you never did ..did you ?' he said looking at the ring o her finger still .
She never truly hated him until now . it was obvious he never really got over what happened and he was still unhappy and decided coming here just to see the hint of regret and pain in her eyes ..as if she regretted leaving him now that Jane was gone .
' I never really let him go ..i just accepted it ' she said and he frowned ' What ?'.
' to live incomplete until I find him again one day ' she said as she stood to her feet ' You know that was why I left you because only he completed me and I thought you didn't deserved to live with some one have incomplete heart and soul but maybe that's what you deserve exactly Pike .. have a good life ' .
….
She put the flower on his grave and kneeled down beside her children hugging them tightly to her chest willing herself not to cry .
She had always knew that the day will come and actually she couldn't wait to tell them all about him and as painful as talking about him was she always felt a measure of happiness remembering every detail ..the shenanigans .Jokes .fights .kisses ..memories where all she had and She wanted to give them to her children who weren't even lucky to know him and have their own memories of him .
' Mummy , daddy is here ' said Lea and Lisbon nodded smiling tears falling on her cheeks ..her daughter came to her about the doll her friend sally's father Bought her and asked her for the first time why did all of her friends have daddy's but not her and Charlie started demanding an answer too so she decided to bring them to his grave and introduce them for the first time .
' Yes , Charlie and Lea .here is your daddy ..Patrick Jane '.
That night she slept in the kid's room in one bed each one of them lying at both of her sides staring at the Album of Photos and listening to strange but great stories about a bad man and a charming blond prince that had special powers and the angry princess that fell in love with him .
And when she heard them snoring , she lied on the couch and poured herself a glass of wine hugging a small box reading a crumpled letter with a smile on her face .
Miss you
U No Ho
