Episode 2: Super Jerrie and Turbo Teazer vs. The Maniacal Mr. Mistoffelees

The Madcap Adventures of

Super Jerrie and Turbo Teazer

Faster than Macavity's speeding bullet

More powerful than Skimbleshanks' locomotive

Is it a bird?

Is it a plane?

Is it the Great Rumpus Cat?!

HECK NO! It's

SUPER JERRIE!

And his sidekick TURBO TEAZER

A giant J flashes onto screen

A shadow races across the pavement and into Jemima's house. There is no time for her to scream because the shadow is gone in a second…along with Jemima

Back at headquarters

Mungojerrie: Getting ready for bed Where are our agents, Rumpleteazer?
Rumpleteazer: Looks around for Agent Coricopat and his Other Half Agent Tantomile Oi 'aven't seen them in a woile.

Mungojerrie: Nods and turns back to putting on cold cream. Then there is a knock at the door Oi'll get it. Mungojerrie opens door, and The Rum Tum Tugger falls in

Tugger: Oh, Mungojerrie! It's awful! Starts hyperventilating, and takes out paper bag. He breathes in it till he can breath freely again

Mungojerrie: What's the matter?
Rumpleteazer: Dies after seeing Tugger

Tugger: All the Queens…. they're… they're………..

Mungojerrie: What?

Tugger: They're……….GONE!!!!! ALL OF THEM!!!!! INCLUDING THE KITTENS!!!! I CAN'T FIND THEM! AND I'M GOING GREY! Grabs Mungojerrie by the shoulders HOW CAN THE HOTTEST TOM ALIVE GO GRAY!!!!!

Rumpleteazer: Revives Wouldn't that make you a Grandpa?

Mungojerrie: All the Queens are gone? 'Ow did you foind that out?

Tugger: Takes a seat on the couch I went to Jemima's house.

Mungojerrie: At night…

Tugger: Yeah, at night. And anyway, when I got there, she was….

Mungojerrie: You can tell Mungojerrie.

Tugger: She was…. gone! And I went to Bombalurina! Gone! And Demeter! What do ya know-GONE!

Mungojerrie: This sounds loike a job for…

Rumpleteazer: IF

Mungojerrie WHAT?

Rumpleteazer: IF I were to say it, would that mean I'd have to skip it the next toime?

Mungojerrie: Yes.

Rumpleteazer: All roight, you can say it then.

Mungojerrie: This sounds loike a job for…

SUPER JERRIE!!!!

Rumpleteazer: And his sidekick TURBO TEAZAH!!!!

Mungojerrie transforms from everyday thief, to Super Jerrie. And Rumpleteazer…well she stays an everyday thief and has to pull her super string until she transforms

Super Jerrie: All roighty then! Let's go!

Agent Tantomile: You will not go yet.

Agent Coricopat: Oh no, not yet.

Turbo Teazer: Jumps on Mungojerrie's head When did they get 'ear?

Agent Coricopat: We have a way of doing the unknown.

Agent Tantomile: Precisely. And it is too dangerous for you both to go alone. We have seen into the future and the villain is a force not to be reckoned with. I will go with you, while Agent Coricopat stays here and watches us through the computer.

Agent Corcipat: Precisely.

Tugger: I don't wanna go.

Agent Tantomile: What?

Tugger: I-I wanna stay here.

Agent Tantomile: You can stay here with Agent Coricopat then.

Agent Coricopat: We will have a wonderful time together.

Agent Tantomile: Come on, super heroes. Let's go.

J flashes onto screen

Back to the shadow…

The shadow creeps into its layer, and throws Jemima in a room. He sits down, turns on his headphones, and the song "Magical Mister Mistoffelees" plays quite loudly. When the cassette skips, he shoots lightning at it so it will blow up. We now know the shadow is…

Mistoffelees: The Maniacal Mister Mistoffelees will NOT put up with such lewd displays of irreverency! WHERE'S MY DANCING FELINES!!!!!

A rather robotic like Demeter and Bombalurina step into his room

Demeter and Bombalurina: "Mistoffelees, Mistoffelees, there's no one like Mistoffelees. There never was a CAT of such deceitfulness and suavity. He always has an alibi or one or two to spare. And when a crime's discovered then-Mistoffelees wasn't there!

Mistoffelees: Pets his pet hamster thoughtfully And to WHOM do you owe this honor?

Demeter: To the Magical.

Bombalurina: The Marvelous.

Demeter and Bombalurina: Mister Mistoffeleees!

Mistoffelees: Correct!!!! Very, extremely correct! Now bow! A knock at the door What is that rapping? That incessant rapping on a block of wood!!!!

Demeter: It is the door, Master…

Mistoffelees: Fetch Victoria and get the door! Demeter opens the door as Bombalurina goes to get Victoria

Demeter: Opens the door It is Mungojerrie, Rumpleteazer, and Coricopat.

Agent Tantomile: I'm Tantomile!

Demeter: Tantomile, then.

Mistoffelees: Let them all in. Especially since there are more Queens I can control.

Super Jerrie, Turbo Teazer, and Agent Tantomile walk in. They all gasp. Mistoffelees' head is extremely huge!

Super Jerrie: Oi think you moight 'ave a food allergy, Mistoffelees. Your 'ead is swollen.

Agent Tantomile: He has had a brain implant.

Mistoffelees: LIAR!

Agent Tantomile: I am afraid we're going to have to arrest you.

Mistoffelees: Oh no you won't. Because I'm very tall and thin. Mungojerrie looks down at Mistoffelees' large brain

Mistoffelees: How dare you insult me! Dem, Bomba, lock them up! Except…Super Jerrie. I'll take care of him!

Back at the headquarters

Tugger: I'm so lonely!

Agent Coricopat: Hush! I'm watching everything that is happening. Coricopat watches the computer carefully, and sees Demeter and Bombalurina throw Turbo Teazer and his Other Half into the Dungeon of Doom. Jemima says, "We're going to die in here."

Tugger: There's where all the Queens are!

Agent Coricopat: My Other Half! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

A silence you feel you could cut with a knife

Tugger: Uh, should we go rescue her?

Agent Coricopat: Recovers from shock Yes. But we have to prepare. Tomorrow at dawn-that's when we'll go.

The next day at the Maniacal Mister Mistoffelees' pad…

Agent Coricopat and Tugger do not know it, but overnight the Maniacal Mister Mistoffelees has implanted a chip into Super Jerrie, Turbo Teazer, and Agent Tantomile. Mistoffelees controls their minds just like he controls his humans' and all the Queens'-except Victoria's.

Mistoffelees: Victoria, fetch me my hamster.

Victoria: Whatever. She gives the hamster to Mistoffelees

Mistoffelees: Get your hamster, too, and we shall race them in the Maze. Victoria sighs. She knows she'll have to make her hamster lose somehow, because Mistoffelees likes to win. Unfortunately, Victoria wins

Mistoffelees: Runs around Cassandra's feet and jumps up and down on the table NO NO NO! I HAVE FURY!!!!!!!!!!

Victoria: But if you come in last on this round you win. Victoria says that calmly

Mistoffelees: Oh, so I really win? GOOOD! Let's play again.

They line up their hamsters

Etcetera: On your mark, get set, go!!! Pops the gun

Mistoffelees: FILTHY HUMANS WHO WEAR CLOTHES!!!! BRING ME CLOTTED CREAM!!!! Blows on his hamster to make him go faster

Humans: Why?

Mistoffelees: Because I'm MASTER OF THE HUMAN PSYCHE!!! And because it's my favorite, you fools! He then blows up the spot next to them…WITH HIS MIND!

Mistoffelees "wins" the hamster match, and makes Demeter and Bombalurina sing an encore of "Mistoffelees: The Magic Cat"

Victoria: All right, Qua-

Mistoffelees: Turns sideways to Victoria Who?

Victoria: Uh, I mean, Mistoffelees! You forgot to put the chip in Jemima.

Mistoffelees: Ah yes. Did I mention you were my favorite? Bring me the girl! Demeter and Bombalurina bring Jemima

Mistoffelees: Give me your paw.

Jemima: Why should I?

Mistoffelees: Because I'm MASTER OF THE HUMAN PSYCHE! Plus, I can blow you up in like, 10 seconds.

Jemima: Scared. Hands him her paw. He quickly shoots a chip into it with his chip-shooter-gun. Now he controls her mind

Mistoffelees: That's better…he walks over to Super Jerrie I will make you say…

Super Jerrie's controlled voice says: You are the best, Mistoffelees.

Mistoffelees: Why thank you, Super Jerrie that is ever so kind of you.

Turbo Teazer's controlled voice says: Why are you so wonderful?

Mistoffelees: Well Turbo Teazer…Mister Mistoffelees decides he has a terrible limp, and limps over to Turbo Teazer. When suddenly…there is a knock at the door

Mistoffelees: Who is it?

Agent Coricopat: Milkman.

Mistoffelees: Oh good Forgets about Turbo Teazer Bring it in!

Agent Coricopat jumps in with a gun and points it at the Maniacal Mister Mistoffelees.

Mistoffelees: Oh how quaint.

Tugger enters in this time, with a brick. He gets distracted by so many Queens in the same room

Mistoffelees: Oh drat. It's my ne'er-do-well brother.

Agent Coricopat: Quaxo you must-

Mistoffelees: What? What did you call me? Mistoffelees begins to float up in the air. You see, because of his large brain he possesses the power to fly You must never call me that!

Agent Coricopat: I learned that is your password for everything. In fact, I can get into your bank account. But your brain will get deactivated if I say the word three times. Won't it---Quaxo?

Mistoffelees-Don't patronize me! And with a swift motion of his hand, he kills Agent Coricopat with his lightning. But little does Mistoffelees know that when he loses a little bit of brain power, a little more of Super Jerrie and Turbo Teazer's own powers came back. Which means they can now talk…but Mistoffelees still controls his brain

Tugger: Why'd you do that! Let Super Jerrie and Turbo Teazer go!

Mistoffelees: HECK NO!

Tugger: How can you do this? Why would you do this?

Mistoffelees: Turns to Super Jerrie and Turbo Teazer, and spins around on one foot Because I'm MASTER OF THE HUMAN PSYCHE! And the feline psyche as well! DANCE PUPPETS, DANCE!!!!!! He makes Super Jerrie and Turbo Teazer skip across the room like puppets

Super Jerrie: Struggling to say the magic word Q-

Mistoffelees: Don't say it! DON'T SAY IT!!!!!! Agent Tantomile is grieving for her Other Half GET OUT OF THE WAY!!!!! He kills Agent Tantomile. That's better.

Turbo Teazer: Qu-

Mistoffelees: NO! He throws Super Jerrie across the room
Super Jerrie: Qua-

Mistoffelees: PLEASE, NO!!!!! Catapults the super twins over onto Jemima

Jemima: Ouch!

Mistoffelees: QUIET!

Turbo Teazer: Quax-

Mistoffelees: No, NO, NO!!!! Throws Turbo Teazer and Super Jerrie into a corner. They have become silent. Is this the end for our super hero duo?

Mistoffelees: YES, YES, YES, YES, YES!!!!!!

Super Jerrie: Weak Quaxo…

Mistoffelees: NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!!!!! Mistoffelees now has no more power. Nobody is under control NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Super Jerrie: Tugger…tie…him…up

Tugger: Sure will, boss. All the Queens have realized that Mistoffelees was controlling them, and in one long caterwaul they all say, "GROSS!" particularly Bombalurina, who is convulsing, and Demeter, who thinks this is worse than Macavity

Tugger, to Quaxo: Come on, shortie.

Mistoffelees: My powers…they're, gone.

Tugger: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tugger stuffs Mistoffelees into the loot bag, and gives Super Jerrie and Turbo Teazer their super-strength pineapple juice. They point the label of the juice at the camera, because it is their sponsor

Super Jerrie: Now oim fresh again! Saying the catch phrase for the juice

Turbo Teazer: Now Oi can see again! Screams at the sight of Rum Tum Tugger. He's BALD! The sun glints off Tugger's bald head. MY EYES! Tugger's grey hairs have become weak and have fallen out

Bombalurina: Better he's bald with no brain, than having a head full of hair and a giant brain.

Tugger: Yeah! Proving he really has no brain Hey…

Turbo Teazer: Pointing Hey, when are Agent Tantomile and her Agent Coricopat going to come back to a different Jellicle Life? Every one swipes off their hats…or as much as Cats have hats

Agent Coricopat: Sits up straight We are better now.

Agent Tantomile: Precisely.

Super Jerrie: Well, whaddya know? We have witnessed a miracle. The agents, they live!

Bombalurina: We need to thank Super Jerrie now…Super Jerrie's ears turn red Thanks, Super Jerrie. Super Jerrie deflates

Super Jerrie: Uh…don't thank us. Sigh

Turbo Teazer: THANK THE TUGGER!!!!!!!

Super Jerrie: NO!!!!!! Do NOT THANK the TUGGER! Do not THANK US! It's our job!

Theme music and credits come on screen

Disclaimer: I do NOT own CATS, obviously. It is RUG's.